It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

[QUOTE=cinting]When I asked him about this, he said that we are perfect together and whenever I talked about how things needed to change and that I was going to leave, he never took me serious. He never really thought that I would go, that he knew how we felt about each other and that would keep us together.
I don't have any self respect, I feel awful, and I feel like I am to blame for everything.
This is not the first time it has happened. I broke it off with him after the first 2 months we were together because of the same reasons, and I went back to the guy I had been seeing before him. Then we got back together, it was still the same, sometimes worse, sometimes better. I was talking about wanting to have a baby, he was dead set against it, told me to find someone else. So after about 6 months of hearing that, I broke it off and I did date someone else. I have a pattern of not thinking things through, because if I would have just thought it through, I would have realized that I love this man more than anyone and I don't care if I don't have a baby. I shouldn't have dated another guy, that is the reason he won't work it out with me now because at first he asked for a chance to show me he had changed and at that time, I was mad and didn't believe him and he still had to be in control. It was wrong of me to become involved with someone else when I love him so much.[/QUOTE]

Hi Cinting,
Hiya's advice is absolutely right-on...she is extremely wise and unfortunately has learned the lessons she shared with you through painful life experience. Please, please believe what she is saying and take her advice--she knows what she is talking about and wants to save you from learning what she is telling you the hard way. Your BF has already taken a terrible toll on your self-esteem, and your friends here are very frightened to see what will happen to you if you stay with him and allow him to continue wearing you down the way he has been for so long. Please think about how he has brainwashed you into believing that everything you've struggled through with him is entirely your fault and that you must take all the blame for your past problems.

I vaguely remembered some of your past posts about him breaking up with you because you went to your ex's father's funeral, so I read your old threads and was quite alarmed to see the extent to which he has succeeded in manipulating you and wearing you down into seeing things his way. It's very sad to see how much he has managed to erode your self-esteem and convince you that you will never love anyone else nor find anyone who will want you or treat you better than he does. I can't urge you strongly enough to reread your old posts and try to think about what you've said as objectively as possible...what advice would you give me if I was going through the same things? What would you advise your sister to do if she was the one dating your ex?

You say there is a good chance that he has changed, but honey, he is doing the same thing he's always done: manipulating you into believing that all his problems and the problems in the relationship are your fault. But that's so untrue!! He is the one who is responsible for the issues you've had--he clearly is struggling with serious insecurities and a need to control everything and everyone around him. He keeps mentally abusing you, trying to make you feel terrible and worthless and guilty and not worthy of his love because of things you've done in the past which have absolutely nothing to do with him. Men like this, who only feel happy when they are making their girlfriends feel horrible and ripping their self-esteem to shreds, never change and never stop mistreating the women they claim to love. He is am extremely controlling, manipulative man who has subjected you to continuous emotional/psychological/mental abuse, which has destroyed your self-worth and ability to see your relationship clearly. He's managed to convince you that EVERYTHING is entirely your fault, when in reality they have almost entirely stemmed from his irrational insecurity and jealousy, which has manifested itself in his need to hold your past against you and make you feel guilty about it whenever possible.

Please think about everything he's put you through and realize that he is a toxic influence on your life. You really need to use what is left of your self-esteem and escape his grasp once and for all if you are to feel good about yourself ever again, because he wants you to be as miserable and submissive as possible. He's constantly criticizing you and your past, which you have no power to change, and seizing on the silliest, most trivial excuses to leave you and force you to beg him to come back. Please, please reconsider whether this is a healthy relationship considering everything he's done--he read your journals and dumped you, he's tried to make you feel guilty and ashamed over and over for dating an older man before you knew him, told you to leave him because he won't even consider your desire to have a baby, dumped you for going to your ex's dad's funeral, refused to consider reconciling with you UNTIL you started dating another man who (unlike him) treated you with dignity and respect, insists you are horrible for dating someone during a breakup when in reality, and he's lied to you repeatedly about dating another woman during a breakup. He did the EXACT same thing he is now insisting is completely unforgivable for you to have done--that's cruel, manipulative, and extremely hypocritical. Please think back to all the sadness and frustration he's caused you...this man has had a very negative impact on your life and your self-image, and even though I realize it will be extremely difficult, leaving him once and for all will be the best possible move you can make. The longer you allow him to manipulate your thinking, the less self-esteem and strength you will have to put your life back together when he eventually tires of toying with you and vanishes. I would hate to see that happen to such a smart, sweet woman as yourself...please leave him now and never look back!

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:54 AM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!