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Relationship Health Message Board


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I am so sorry you are stuck all alone in an unfamiliar part of the country with a man who demonstrates so little respect for you and your feelings. To be honest, he sounds extremely bitter and resentful of you for some reason, maybe he's feeling like he is doing more than his share of the work? That's completely unfair and still doesn't give him any excuse to be so condescending and cold to you. It also sounds like he is hostile and disrespectful of women in general--I cannot stand those ignorant Neanderthal men who patronize women by dismissing all their feelings as "hormonal." It's so sad that such sexist, ignorant thinking still persists, and my heart goes out to you having to not only hear it, but have it directed at you by a man who purports to love you! Is he always this mean, or is it a relatively rare occurance? Regardless, please remember that you don't deserve this kind of treatment, NO MATTER WHAT. He is emotionally and verbally abusing you, and I can't imagine he isn't having a seriously detrimental effect on your self-esteem by treating you so cruelly. I can't urge you strongly enough to stop giving this man a chance to impregnate you. You are an adult and capable of making well-informed, responsible choices for yourself, but it would be a terrible injustice to bring a child into this world with a father who is full of rage and bitterness toward women in general and its mother in particular. Please, please don't force an innocent child to grow up with such an angry man who lashes out at those he loves...no one should have to experience his father being rude and cruel to his mom, to say nothing of telling her to kill herself? This behavior is completely out of line, and I think you need to put your foot down and get away from him as fast as you can...angry, hostile men like these unforunately only grow increasingly abusive the longer their relationships last. For your own sake, I hope you seriously consider moving back to your hometown, even if you have to stay with a friend or relative for awhile. Forgive me for saying I hope you are not pregnant with this man's child...there are billions of wonderful, gentle, patient men out there who would jump at the chance to build a family with you. You and your baby deserve a man who will cherish and respect both of you, and accordingly will treat you both with love and devotion.

I was in your shoes once, stuck in an unfamiliar city that I hated with my BF and his intolerably rude, miserable relatives...I wanted to leave more than anything, but it didn't seem realistic, so I rode it out because I loved my BF. I wish now I would have trusted my instincts and fled home as soon as it became clear how bitter and hostile some of his family were, but I stayed and things only grew more and more intolerable...and my BF at least treated me well. Please believe and trust me that this situation will only get worse the longer you let it continue, and know that you have much better options. It's hard when you feel stuck and alone, but that doesn't mean you have no choice but to stay...reach out to your family and friends, explain how he's treating you, and I'm sure they will be happy to help in anyway they can. Don't worry about all the details...just find a place to go and get far away from him ASAP. This might seem melodramatic or extreme, but this man is demonstrating some very serious problems and anger which vents itself as abuse...there is nothing you can do to change or help a man like this, all you can do is protect yourself (and your potential children) by staying out of his life and not letting his hostility and negativity have any additional impact on you. Again, I'm so sorry things turned out as they did...please take this very seriously, your instincts that you're not overreacting are 100% right. Your gut is sounding an alarm for a reason, it's doing it's job to protect your physical and emotional well-being--so please listen to it and get out as soon as you can!





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