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[QUOTE=goody2shuz]GG ~ What ever happened with the guy who called you in the miccle of the night??? Never got a response from that one. And good luck with college!!![/QUOTE]

Hi Goody :wave: ! It is so good to see you back here :) ---we've all missed you!! I hope that you have been doing well!

I know I said that I was going to call that guy, but after really thinking about it (even though I was soo curious as to why he called) I decided not to call him back. A few days after I met him (a couple of months ago) he called me--talked a little---then told me that if I wanted I could meet him that night out somewhere. I said no, and he called back a couple of days later. This time he asked me out for that night again and I said no that I already had plans. Then I never heard from him again until last week when he called in the middle of the night. So, after thinking about it I decided not to call. If it is something important (which I doubt--what would it be) he would keep calling until he got ahold of me. If it was for a date--then he should call at a better time than the middle of the night and/or the very day that he wants to go out. I think he is just the jerk type. He had a wealthy friend with him the night we met (his friends dad is really famous) and I think that he thought that would impress me---but that had nothing to do with the type of guy he is and from what I have seen so far, he's not that great of a kind, mannerly guy. I just want a simple, yet fun, kind, good guy--that is ALL--why are they so hard to find????
[QUOTE=Hiya]You never know, Sophia, he just might surprise you! Keep that heart and mind open, and have a great time! Good luck. :wave:

BTW, just to update anyone who was wondering, went out with Mr. Gump Thursday ( :D j/k). It was pleasant enough, but no real chemistry. He's just not a very take charge kind of guy. When we parted company in the parking lot after dinner, I thanked him very sincerely and invited him to callme, he said yeah, I'll call you, or you call me. Don't really expect to hear from him again. He seemed REALLY disappointed when I mentioned I work Saturday afternoons and every other Friday overnight, also. I don't know, I guess some would say chemistry is highly overrated, I mean I had amazing chemistry with the ex. I knew the second I met him, the instant he took my hand that he would become someone very significant to me, and look how that blew up in my face. On the other hand, I also know myself well enough to know my soul would die in a relationship with someone who was just "pleasant enough," safe and secure and good on paper but no fireworks or butterflies.[/QUOTE]

Hey Nini :wave: Yeah, the guy sounds kinda lukewarm from your description. Would you go out with him again if he asked you out? Most of the time our female intuition is right, I noticed. For example, despite my better judgement, I emailed the pilot yesterday afternoon and told him I could go out with him on Sunday, and tried to set up a time. Well, it's now Sat. evening and he still hasn't emailed or called me back. I know he doesn't work on weekends because he told me that. So, once again, LittleRose was right on the money when she said this guy doesn't sound too interested. It really isn't that mysterious: if a guy really, really likes us, we will know. Nini, why don't you sign up again for a couple of months? See, you found this date so quickly, only after being on it for 3 days, so why not try to stick it out for a few months, at least? I don't particularly like online dating, either, but it does seem to be the most efficient way to meet new people.
Hi Goody, good to see you again :wave: Well, to be honest, I don't think I would have ended up dating this guy anyway, but had he acted in a more reserved way, I would have probably gone out with him one more time just to make sure I'm not ruling him out prematurely. He just wasn't my type, really. I was trying to be open minded because he seemed smart and a good conversationalist, but I guess Asian men don't do it for me and I can't help it. But you're wrong in that if NG had done the flower thing after only one blind date I would be extatic. Truth is, no, I wouldn't. Yes, I do want a guy who cares about me and treats me great and I would have loved to get flowers from someone I like after, say, a few dates when some kind of mutual connection has been established, not right off the bat like that (btw, NG did give me flowers on our third or fourth date, which made me extremely happy). It's meaningless at this point. And the 9 am phonecall on a Saturday morning was creepy, I think. It shows this guy has no boundaries. He doesn't know me at all; what would justify his calling so early? I don't even call my best friends and didn't call my former boyfriends that early because I didn't want to wake them up. The weekend is the only time when I can sleep in and I enjoy it--I don't want to be disturbed by some stranger for no apparent reason. The more I think about it, the more I come to the conclusion this guy must have been pretty unstable. You're right, what's the point of feeling so guilty? After all, there were so many men who acted interested and never called me again, plus the whole story with NG, and I'm still fine and not taking it too personally. So, I think I'm also entitled to making my own choices and having preferences. Thanks for your help, Goody.
Sophia you are more than welcome on that thread anytime! I hate to see you feel guilty just because some guy has no sense of what's appropriate behavior and what is scary to most women. It's not your fault he went way over the top immediately after meeting you without even bothering to respect your boundaries enough to see if you at all were interested in him. I would be creeped out and SUPER ANGRY if some guy called me early in the morning after looking up my address online...that seems like a major invasion of privacy after only one blind date! I think you are much better off not seeing him again, especially since he's not someone you're very interested in anyway. I think Goody makes sense and I definitely agree with her advice and encouraging you to stay positive, but I get a bad vibe from this guy like he might be unstable and not respectful of your boundaries. I do feel kind of feel bad for him for trying so hard, but it's certainly not your fault, and if he gets turned off from online dating after one rejection, than he's a major wimp and DEFINITELY doesn't deserve one ounce of your guilt.

Degen is so right that you are one VERY cool chick and that something like this should not make you discouraged about dating. Remember that dating can be really fun and present great opportunities for getting to know new people, experience new things, and learn a variety of lessons about men and love that non single people don't have. Having been attached more than I've been single, I have to say I much prefer being single except for select portions of a small minority of the relationships I've had, even though I've been pretty content either way. Dating really is a numbers game and you usually get out of it about what you put in and what you expect in return. So why not make the best of it and not let the negative experiences deter us--after all, even the most desirable people out there experience rejection fairly often when they are talking to do many potential dates. Some people meet the right person for them right away, but quite frankly, I wouldn't want to settle down at my age, even though I've had a fair amount of experience with men...I think I still have a lot left to learn and to experiment with before I'm ready to give up all but one guy. After all there are so many cute fish still swimming around in our seas and a variety of exciting life experiences still waiting for us to encounter them. It's important to keep in mind that while dating has its downsides, so does settling down, and it's always better to be unsatisfied and independent than stuck in a less than fulfilling committed relationship...as with many things in life, we should keep in mind that while the grass often seems greener, that's often an illusion. I am so with you sometimes being down on dating, but other times it's lots of fun, and I can't imagine that's not especially true for a woman as unusually charming, beautiful, and smart as you are.

I just saw your latest message and will write more to you later, but for the time being I just wanted to tell you that you're the coolest, most appealing date (and big sister of course :)!) I can imagine. While it's impossible not to feel discouraged and frustrated with being single and dating sometimes, you have so much to offer that I know you won't be able to take a long break from dating even if you wanted to, and I hope you keep putting yourself out there. Dating and particularly online dating definitely is a numbers game and you never know when your number might be up...after all, there are tons of stories of people who went out by chance or reluctantly and ended up meeting Mr. Right and living happily ever after. I have a feeling you will have a very romantic, serendipitous tale like that to share with us before long...in the meantime please take it easy, lay low if you want for awhile, but also try to stay positive about all the opportunities your dating future has to offer. And please don't stay away from the other thread--for you to apologize for sharing your views and opinions there when I love to hear everything you have to say is silly, sweetie, and you are more than welcome anywhere I go :).
I agree that eye contact is absolutely essential--there's no more foolproof way to make a guy come your way than hold his stare for several seconds and give him a flirty smile. It's important not to be shy or timid when around men you find attractive, as that can make for missed opportunities...if you ask me, it's better to err on the side of being too flirty than too guarded or aloof. However, everyone is different and it's also important to be true to yourself and stay within your comfort zone. I think that sometimes my tendency to be forward and affectionate can be a little much for some guys, particularly here in the traditional and reserved midwest, where I find many guys to be much more inhibited than the brash and assertive east coast men I prefer. That said, I don't know how ANYONE manages to succeed in dating in NYC, so I really think it's more the area than it is anything you're doing wrong or not doing, Sophia. That city makes it so difficult to start and sustain a serious relationship; it was probably the stress, pressure, and speed of the city that was one of the most significant factors in Patrick's and my split. How did everyone’s weekends go, both in terms of dating and in terms of how you are feelings about everything generally? I hope those of you who have been a bit down on dating and lonely lately are feeling a bit more upbeat after fun and relaxing weekends—please keep us all updated on how you are all doing in your dating lives and otherwise OK everyone?

I’ve been doing pretty well physically lately and have had a pretty busy and satisfying week when it comes to dating, yay! I wanted to thank everyone again who gave me such great advice on the last thread where I sought advice about two guys I'd been talking to online. Things have actually worked out better than I expected with both of them...the one who sent me the email wondering "where we were at" responded to my email in which I said I liked him and wanted to continue getting to know each other wrote back and said he really liked me but was a little concerned we were both introverted when it came to initiating contact. There is something really calming and relaxed about him that sets me at ease and makes me more comfortable than when I'm on dates with other guys, so I think he underestimated how assertive and take charge I generally am. Anyway, we went out again on Friday night, and while it took us a little while to warm up and get talking, just like on past dates, once the conversation started flowing, there were never any lulls in our discussion and we didn't notice the hours flying by as we talked about a variety of interesting, entertaining issues. I felt totally comfortable discussing anything from politics to relationships to my major nerdiness with him, and I don't think either of us wanted the night to end, but unfortunately I had double booked another date that I had to run off to after almost four hours with the guy I'd had my third date with earlier that evening. Before I left, he grabbed me in an uncharacteristically urgent, assertive, and passionate way and held me close while he gave me a series of fantastic kisses that have lingered in my mind all weekend since then :). I was disappointed to leave him and discovered the downside of double booking when I realized the other guy was not at all my type physically, yet another guy who claimed to be 5'll" when in reality he was several inches shorter than any man I find attractive. He just seemed really sleazy and while I’m certainly not opposed to drugs, I found his attempts to impress me by telling me about the drugs he’d done that night to be pretty immature and not exactly a turn-on.

Then earlier that week, I’d had a triple booked date night, starting with a nice guy I’d chatted with for quite awhile. Things went pretty well, though I don’t think there was any real attraction between us, at least not on my part. I did get some valuable advice from him about my profile and how it’s best to proceed after meeting someone from online who I hit it off with…it was really nice to get some feedback from a guy who had met me and seemed to have a healthy, balanced perspective on dating and on gender relations. Then I was off to a bar to meet another guy who I didn’t know much about…I wasn’t that happy about it because he was later than he said he’d be because he insisted that he had to go out of his way on the way back from work to stop at home, shower, and change. When he finally got there I realized that his picture must have been taken when he was noticeably thinner, because he was fairly overweight—with man breasts to boot!—and not that tall, which turned me off right away. I know I should keep an open mind, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when I just don’t find someone remotely attractive. Then he didn’t want to play trivia with me at the bar because he said he wouldn’t know any of the answers…he then proceeded to admit he had flunked out of one of the least demanding schools in the area three times (I doubt he ever finished). Not to be snobby, but intelligence and education are probably the two most important qualities I look for, and I’d like a potential partner to be at least as smart as I am in some areas. Then this guy’s friend, who was considerably cuter, came over and started flirting with me, which made for a pretty uncomfortable situation. Luckily, the chunky guy soon made a really ignorant, borderline racist comment, and I started questioning him about his political and religious views. Not surprisingly, he was completely inarticulate, obviously had no capacity to think for himself, and blindly accepted everything some church and the extremist conservative political movement spouted off. I told him that I couldn’t be less interested in someone with such bad judgment and walked right out of the bar quite abruptly. Maybe I should feel badly about being so rude about rejecting him, but he admitted that he hadn’t even bothered to read my profile, only looked at my pictures before trying to meet me, which is a big pet peeve of mine, so I think he got what he deserved.

He didn’t seem to get the hint though, because I’ve seen that he’s checked out my profile several times since then. I was pretty heated when I left, so I called the last guy I was supposed to meet (the one who turned me off previously with his concerns about cheating) and asked him who he voted for. Fortunately he had a good sense of humor and improved my mood, not to mention had voted for Kerry, so I was looking forward to meeting him. He definitely lived up to how hot he was in his pictures in person, and we had a great time hanging out together for several hours. He was fairly aggressive but also gentle physically, and I thoroughly enjoyed making out and fooling around with him. I uncharacteristically decided to email him right when I got home and he called me right away, then we chatted for a few more hours. I like him a lot and I think he feels the same way, as he wanted to get together again right away and has been really consistent about calling and emailing me regularly since our first meeting. I’d say I’m pretty optimistic and pleased with both him and the guy I’ve seen three times so far, and so online dating has been going quite well. I’m also chatting with 6 or 8 other guys who seem really smart, liberal, and fun, like we have a lot in common and could potentially hit it off great. I’ve started being more forward about asking guys if they want to meet in person after exchanging a few emails, as otherwise I’d end up wasting time emailing guys indefinitely when I might be completely turned off by them within minutes of meeting. I figure that’s a good way to be a more efficient dater (and get to go out for free!) without having to be too selective about who I communicate with. Meeting them more quickly will make time to email more guys than I’d be able to keep up with if I got to know every guy for weeks over email before having a real life date. Well, that’s the update for now…I’m not sure if my newly revised essay is getting as many responses, but they seem to be from candidates who are better suited to me and more enthusiastic about me than previous guys I’ve chatted with. So everyone, please trust that there really are some great guys available online, even though it can take quite a lot of time, effort, and disappointments to find them. But if you stay positive, keep at it, know what you’re looking for, and meet as many promising candidates as possible, online dating really can work. Please believe me that it is a great way of meeting people as long as you are willing to risk rejection and put in the necessary energy—don’t give up or get discouraged too easily, because your perfect match could be right around the corner! Anyway, I can’t wait to hear how everyone else is doing, and I hope you all have happy updates for us!





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