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I think it's a combination of things, which it often is. Maybe some of it's me and some him. If he had been in more romantic relationships with other women, this friendship might not seem so weird to me.The way she reacted when he started dating me is what set it off. I felt like SHE was trying to control him by taking verbal shots at him, that he was unavailable and not around anymore even though he visits them every week.

I had dinner with her and her husband because SHE wanted to meet me and she basically drank too much didn't talk to me the whole night and talked about friends of theirs. I also when to a party at their house and I was called the "other women" by a friend as a joke and everybody laughed. I was "the other women" to the daughter who as also upset that he hasn't been around as much.

He still visited them every week and it all came to a head when he went to the beach with them. Before that I wasn't bothered by it. What can you expect when she's had him to herself for 20 years. Then their relationship began to seem weird to me. He thinks it's just because of how she's been acting and it most likely is.

Then I start to wonder about him again and why he hasn't dated much in the past. I am against pot because I think the people who smoke it often have bad social skills and it makes them apathetic. (which will start another discussion I'm sure) I used to think that's why he stayed at home and caused him to not to what to grow and change like others.

He has remained independent however, and not like other guys you would think of who stayed at home. Every now and then I have my doubts. I think that because I haven't been married or raised a family myself it has gotten very difficult to connect with divorced people. We have both been very busy and single for 30 years which means you've been living a very different kind of life than those who have been married. So in that respect I feel like I have few choices out there.

He does have many good qualities but after not being involved myself for such a long time, it gets very difficult. I often can't figure out if he's not right for me or if just hard for ME to commit to a relationship.

I hope this isn't too iky for you all, though I know what your talking about with men who stay home. He isn't like the ones your thinking about I don't believe.
[QUOTE=icsue]
Then I start to wonder about him again and why he hasn't dated much in the past. I am against pot because I think the people who smoke it often have bad social skills and it makes them apathetic. (which will start another discussion I'm sure) I used to think that's why he stayed at home and caused him to not to what to grow and change like others.
[/QUOTE]

Some of the most successful and sociable people in our society smoke pot. This guy is just lazy and doing what is "easy." He hasnt dated much, because most women would not date a guy that sees nothing wrong with mooching off his mother forever! I really think you should not settle with someone just because they are available.
Thank you, painyoufeel! It's good to see some people consider issues rationally and intelligently rather than blindly and passively accepting whatever TV commercials tell them. I mean, come on, Bill Clinton smokes pot, and almost every successful person I know does or has at some point. I know what you mean about lazy, apathetic people with bad social skills smoking pot, Iscue, but it's not that pot makes them that way, it's that they choose to smoke pot because it is a fun and relaxing thing to do and that appeals to them, just as it appeals to all different kinds of people. So don't blame the pot...blame your boyfriend for being lazy because nothing can make you someone you're not unless you choose to indulge those tendencies. I agree that you shouldn't settle for someone just because it's better than being single or you don't think you can find someone better. Do you really like this guy, the external stuff like partying and his friends aside? Or does he lack a lot of qualities you want in a partner? If so, I think you might want to move on; you'd be surprised how Mr. Right has a way of finding you when you least expect it. But if you stick around with Mr. Wrong, assuming you can't do better, then you'll close yourself off to the possibility of ending up with Mr. Right. I'm not saying your current boyfriend is wrong for you; only you can decide that, but I do think it's worth giving some serious thought to whether you're with him because you love him, want him, and can't imagine life without him, or because you want to have a boyfriend in your life. It's not that there's anything wrong with having Mr. Right now, but if you are longing to meet someone who completely blows you away, staying with Mr. Right now could get in the way of you finding that man. My personal feeling is that no one should ever settle--life is too short, and we often underestimate our chances of meeting someone who sweeps us off our feet unless it actually happens. But to make it happen, you have to be emotionally available and put yourself out there as a single woman, and staying with someone who doesn't do it for you will keep you from doing that. Anyway, I wish you all the best, whatever you decide, and I hope that you will end up very happy no matter what happens with your current BF. Take care and good luck! :)
[QUOTE=eaglesgirl37]Thank you, painyoufeel! It's good to see some people consider issues rationally and intelligently rather than blindly and passively accepting whatever TV commercials tell them. I mean, come on, Bill Clinton smokes pot, and almost every successful person I know does or has at some point. I know what you mean about lazy, apathetic people with bad social skills smoking pot, Iscue, but it's not that pot makes them that way, it's that they choose to smoke pot because it is a fun and relaxing thing to do and that appeals to them, just as it appeals to all different kinds of people. So don't blame the pot...blame your boyfriend for being lazy because nothing can make you :)[/QUOTE]

Eaglesgirl: Don't fool yourself - or better yet, don't let drugs fool you. I read your other post about pot being harmless and non-addictive. Check out the "Addiction and Recovery" forums on these Healthboards.com and you will find plenty of people who are struggling with what they themselves call marijuana addiction, deteriorating health from pot, and all kinds of destructive lifestyle issues related to pot.

Finally, no matter what your drug friends tell you, THERE IS A SOCIAL STIGMA AGAINST POT SMOKING AND OTHER DRUG USE. I don't care what anybody says, I don't hire anybody that I even think smokes pot and my associates in other industries and other companies feel the same (in case you didn't know, that is why we make you take drug tests before we hire you - or not hire you). In fact, if I even suspect that someone uses drugs (including pot), they don't even make it to the stage where they get to take a drug test - "Thank you for applying, but at this time..."

Your notion that "nearly every successful person smokes pot at some point" is incredibly misinformed. I can assure you that at the executive level in the big corporations I have been in, any drug use will quickly alienate an executive from the rest. We might not cut him out quickly, but gradually gradually he gets culled. He doesn't get invited to all the important social functions. He gets "cut out" of the loop. Pretty soon, he isn't connected and he drops from the vine like a rotten grape.

Also MANY people prefer not to socialize with pot smokers or other drug users. Pot smokers and drug users are still in the minority and there is a social stigma against it. So, when our friend here says that she feels uncomfortable with her boyfriends pot smoking friends, it is not at all unreasonable.

Pot smoking DOES seem to suck the ambition from users. That is why it has that kind of social stigma and it is one of the reasons employers don't want to hire pot smokers. Who of us have not seen the sleepy eyed pot smoker who talks like he/she has an eternal sinus infection? That stigma wasn't created by Hollywood. We have all seen it.

I don't want to get into an argument about pot here, but somebody has to say something. If you want to get a better perspective or debate, go to the Addiction and Recovery forums. I think you will find PLENTY of pot users who will strongly disagree with your idea that pot is harmless.





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