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I guess I always make it sound worse than it is. He has very nice qualities, a good job, makes dinner for me, gives me back massages all the time, likes being around me, very responsible, always calls and does what he says he's going to do etc....

It's just on his free time he does hang around guys watching sports and drinking beer though he doesn't get drunk and doesn't even like drinking just likes being around the guys watching the football games. He did smoke pot when he is younger and still does sometimes. He did play golf but doesn't now and works around the house and has to cook and clean for his mother. When he does go out it's with the guys and he does smoke pot sometimes.

I've dated alcoholics and I know he's not one but maybe it feels the same. All his friends are married and have kids and jobs. One of his friends kids just got accepted to harvard etc. It's not that they are all drunks but maybe because of my past that's how it feels. Now his woman friend, that's another story. She does smoke pot every day but also has a good job. I guess I like her the least especially since she seems to be the most screwed up.

We do have a good time most of the time but he lives over an hour away and spends the whole weekend with me. It's a small apartment and I think it gets to me sometimes. I think because he hasn't been in many relationships he's hard to talk to but he's generally a nice guy. He's more domistic than I am, always does the dishes and cleans my apartment sometimes when I'm teaching a class on Saturday.

I just wish he had done more with himself besides having his buddies. They do act like kids when they get together. The other guys have wives and families all these years, he just has them.
Wow, I'm sorry to see that there are people here who are so against pot, when in reality smoking cigarettes and drinking cause much more serious societal problems. Trust me, people who know anything about pot (other than the blatant lies and distortions you see in commercials and ads) know that it's not a big deal AT ALL for people who use it, except for a tiny number of people, who would most likely still be bums or burnouts and use other drugs if not for pot. And not everyone that smokes pot is a loser; at least most of us know how to spell!

I think the main issues here have little to do with his drinking or pot use...it sounds like you're questioning whether you want to be with someone with the kinds of friends he has, who lives at home, and just wondering if he's the right guy for you overall. Do you have specific objections to his friends or is it more that you're jealous and threatened by him having other people who play a significant role in his life? I don't mean to be critical at all here; I've actually felt the same way about ex's friends and totally understand why you want to be the most important person and priority in his life. But healthy relationships are those in which people have outside friends and interests...so if you don't have any real problems with his friends, I'd try to let it go.

You might want to consider whether you are overreacting: again, not to be critical, but it sounds like you might be a little insecure and controlling, just going by things like you getting mad at him not calling one night, talking about those kids, and feeling like you couldn't stay with him if he went on vacation without you again. He did invite you to go along and is keeping in touch with you while gone...my instinct is that you might be blowing this out of proportion a bit. I'd think hard about your relationship as a whole and whether you're happy with him overall. If you are only with him because you don't think you can find a better boyfriend in your age range, you should probably move on, but if you like him and think he has redeeming qualities, then I'd suggest giving it some time and seeing how you feel once this whole vacation thing blows over.
[QUOTE=thghtsreal]Well, he sounds absolutely icky; living with his mother all his life (except for a short time in college) and his curious relationships with others. Something tells me that if you stay with him and your relationship becomes even more intimate, you will be writing us about some of his bizarre behaviors, fetishes, and disorders.
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I am the sister of a man like this so I have seen this type of weirdness in action. My brother can't keep a decent woman long once she realizes that he is not going to change.





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