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I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to this, but I just wanted to get some feedback, although it probably won't change my mind. maybe I'm looking for some validation or just to vent, I don't know, but anyway...

Some of you may know about a male friend of mine who has periodically been a "friend with benefits" to a degree, though I've madeup my mind that part's over. But even though I guess I still want him as a friend, I don't really feel like he treats me or sees me as friend. i.e. he never calls just to say hi or never wants to really talk to me when I call just to see how he's doing. The only time he ever calls me is when he needs a favor or something. And when we do talk, he is rather crude, asking me perverted questions and being sexually crass. I guess I set myself up for this by the "benefits" but he knows I'm a good girl and don't that with just anyone, and that I only fooled around with him because I was just trying anything I could think of the numb this blinding, soul crushing pain I feel over my ex every day. So I feel sort of like a hypocrite by taking a stand now, but I really feel I deserve to be treated with more respect than that. I want to put my foot down and tell him I don't want to be spoken to like that anymore, but I know he'll just say he's only kidding and I need to lighten up and get a sense of humor. The thing that makes it worse is that there's this pretty young blond girl, a friend of his, actually she's the girlfriend of a friend and client of his, that he's hot for. He's told me he's frustrated and that she "scares" him because he likes her so much but he feels he can't trust her because she confided in him as a friend about troubles she's having with her boyfriend, his friend and client, and then didn't leave him. He still flirts with her really heavily, whispering in her ear, tickling her bare tummy, etc. and is upset because she hasn't left his friend and client. But I know he doesnt' speak to her like that. Of course they havent' been intimate at all, even though they've slept in the same bed, but didn't do anything because of her boyfriend.

It's not that I'm jealous. I have absolutely no desire for a romantic relationship with this guy, and I certainly never made any promises so I'm not making any demands. He's free to date, sleep with, fall in love with whomever he wants. I just don't know why it's so hard for people to treat me with any kind of respect when I see those same people bend over backwards to treat other people with all kinds of kindness and respect. This plus the fact that when he goes off on his rants about his church and God, and because I worship my own way in my own Catholic church and have my own views, he says I'm selfish, ignorant, blind, etc because I don't experience and worship God the exact same way he does.

At this point, it doesn't look like I'll ever be talking to him again, but if I do, I want to tell him to stop talking to me that way, but I just hate the idea of having to kick yet another person out of my life. It's getting to the point where I feel like maybe i'm such a stupid, annoying, terrible person that I don't deserve to have any people who genuinely care about me in my life and I'm just destined to live my whole life alone and miserable only having shallow, emotionally unsatisfying acquaintance-ships that never go beyond polite small talk and never establish true emotional intimacy with anyone ever again. I feel just like the character Janice in Friends, except I unfortunately don't have the blessing of ignorance that she had. I mean, what if she suddenly became aware of how Chandler and the gang really truly felt about her all along? And what if she never found any other people who liked or treated her any better than they did? How easy would it be for her to go on with her head held up?
[QUOTE=kerry1]I've tried that "friend with benefits" thing. It just doesn't work. At least one person ends up getting hurt, and often two. Sex is complicated, period.

You didn't "set up" anything that would earn you that kind of abuse. And you have the right to change your mind.[/QUOTE]

Thanks Kerry. I know, it's just a bad situation all the way around, and actually not like me at all. But it had been 6 years since I had had any kind of contact with someone and I was just so tired of hurting and feeling like a piece of garbage, I thought it might change that somehow, but it doesn't change anything. Anyway, I haven't heard from him in a week, so not sure I will, unless he needs something. But I said no the last two times he asked me for a favor, so he may just start to think I'm not worth the trouble. If he could just accept the fact that I am who and what I am, but he just can't. He always starts in with "are you miserable? Are you feeling better, things should be going better, you sound a little better, smile!" blah blah blah. He just can't leave it alone. He thinks it's his job to drag me to church and have God heal my soul or have his minister put his hand on my head and make all my "bondage of misery" disappear or whatever. He can't just let my scab be, he has to keep picking at it to see if the wound underneath looks right to him, and of course it never does. It's probably a good idea if we aren't in each other's lives anymore. I think I just frustrate him and bring him down and he just makes me feel frustrated, taken advantage of, annoyed or something equally negative.

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