It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

[QUOTE=themightyzim]I really hoped nobody would say what I expected them too :( But thankyou!

It only seems to be when we're apart; if that makes any sense? Which is why I think (hope..) it's just me worrying needlessly. She's a bit stressed at the moment so it's a bit difficult actually with her; but usually I only feel like this when we're apart. Sometimes I just want to be acknowledged; does it sound silly that it'd be nice to be referred to as "my boyfriend"?

I really hope I'm just being dumb. My confidence is bad, but it gets better when I'm with her. Just apart, like this, it just ruins my whole day. I think I just read into stuff too much; I just asked her if she was looking forward to seeing me on Tuesday after two weeks apart and she just ignored me. For me I take that as her saying "no I'm not" - when I know I should just realise that she either forgot or just didn't see it or something.

We're both 19; and I'd say we're both very mature (although I feel like a bit of a child sometimes; like I want to cling onto her when she wants to shuffle me away).[/QUOTE]

I agree with both Greeneyes and 2ndtimearound :wave:. Keep in mind that many of the posters here are very opinionated and often have drastically different takes on the same situation, so when everyone who responds to a certain thread is in complete agreement, it's almost certain that they are right. One of the great things about this board is that posters have no motives in responding other than to try and help by providing objective advice you might not be able to get from anyone else. We don't have any of the same agendas that people you seek advice from in real life, especially family and friends, do, such as not wanting to hurt your feelings or get you mad at them for being honest with you about something you might not want to hear. I can certainly understand why you wanted posters to tell you that you were being silly and making a big deal out of nothing, but I really don't see that as being the case here. It worries me to see you brushing aside your feelings as insignificant or saying that you're just being dumb; that indicates that this relationship has already taken a significant toll on your confidence in yourself and seriously damaged your self-esteem :confused:.

So from an objective viewpoint: no, you aren't worrying needlessly. And you're definitely not being silly to want her to refer to you as her boyfriend! Does she refuse to call you her BF? That signals to me that she isn't nearly as serious or committed to this relationship as you are; therefore your fears and concerned are very warranted. I really don't think you're making a big deal out of nothing or worried needlessly here; if anything, you are bending over backwards to ignore her signs that she's not that serious and giving her too much of the benefit of the doubt. You say you only feel insecure and question her feelings for you when you aren't together, but is that really true? It doesn't sound like she ever really reassures you that she deeply cares for you and that you're every bit as important to her as she is to you. Can you tell us what things she does to boost your confidence when you are together? Even if she consistently makes you feel good about yourself when you're around her, it's really unhealthy for your self-esteem to be at all dependent on anyone else. That's not only very risky for you in that the person could leave you at any time and then you'd lose all your self-worth, but it's way too much of a burden to put on anyone. She could sense that all your self-esteem depends on her and be freaked out by that, causing her to pull away. Either way, I STRONGLY suggest that you take some time alone to be single and work hard on developing self-esteem and confidence within yourself, independent of how anyone else feels about you or treats you. Like I said, you can't possibly expect anyone else to treat you with love and respect if you don't have a strong sense of love and respect for yourself irrespective of everyone else. Being apart from ANYONE should not ruin your whole day; you have to be content and comfortable with your own company before you can develop a healthy, equal partnership with anyone else and expect them to enjoy your company as well. And sorry to say, but her pointedly ignoring your question about being excited to see you is a bad sign. Your initial instinct about this was right and you shouldn't now be trying to talk yourself into thinking there's nothing wrong with her refusing to answer such a simple question. The only possible reason I can think of why she wouldn't say, "oh yes, of course I'm excited to see you!" is that she really isn't. I'm sorry that she isn't interested in having a serious, committed relationship with you like the one you want to have with her, but everything you've said makes it pretty clear that she doesn't. But I think this relationship should be a secondary concern for you; far more important is the issue of your self-esteem. It's absolutely essential that you learn to love yourself and be confident in your own skin; not just so you can form happy and balanced relationships with others, but also so you can feel comfortable and content with yourself each and every day. I can't imagine going through life with no confidence and esteem for myself--it must be really difficult and unhappy. I can't emphasize strongly enough that you really need to work on developing self-esteem, preferably with the help of a counselor or psychologist. Otherwise you risk going through life perpetually unhappy and never having an equal relationship in which the other person treats you with as much love and respect as you give them. You need to be happy and confident within yourself in order to have a chance at a content, fulfilling life and relationships--I really hope you can see how important it is that you work on this and stop making excuses for a woman who isn't treating you with the love and respect we all need and deserve.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:53 PM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!