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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I'm pretty confused about why you felt the need to test your boyfriend by leaving him and essentially urging him back into his ex-GF's arms. Did he do something really hurtful that made you question his trust? Going by your last post, it does sound like you may be thinking too much and dreaming up problems that aren't really there. You guys sound quite young, and this is a pretty common behavior among young women who have been hurt in the past and struggle with insecurity and trust issues. I really think you need to work on learning to love and trust your partner fully until and unless they give you a reason to doubt their honesty and fidelity. Otherwise, being constantly insecure and fearful that your man either wants to or is actually sleeping with other women will only drive him right into the arms of another woman, even if he wouldn't have done so on his own if you hadn't nagged and worried so much about it. It seems like your fears about him going back to his ex got really out of control to the point where you chose to make these fears into a self-fulfilling prophecy, basically forcing him to leave you for an ex he no longer wanted, rather than trust him not to cheat and risk the slight chance that he might hook up with his ex again of his own accord. It really seems like you're creating drama and problems out of thin air, doing things like insisting on a break and encouraging him to give his ex another chance...why in the world would you want to do this? I really think you need to get a handle on why you are so insecure and fearful of losing your boyfriends to other women...with your current approach and hangups, I highly doubt you'll ever be able to build a mature relationship with a healthy level of space and mutual trust. You really need to be content and secure within yourself before you can develop a relationship with those qualities rather than one in which you feel scared and insecure about the possibility of your BF cheating no matter how unlikely that is to an objective observer. At this point you are turning your deepest fears into reality by focusing on them and forcing them to come true in order to ward off the possibility of them happening on their own...this way of thinking and living will only bring you confusion, pain, and frustration, and I can't urge you strongly enough to talk to a therapist of some sort about the destructive influence your doubts are having on your relationship(s).

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