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[QUOTE=Geek_Kittie]How long have you two been together? It seems strange that she would become so insecure out of blue like this. I imagine that all this time apart has made her insecure or worried. Hell, maybe it's that time of the month and she's having a bad cycle.

Obviously, this is something that will have to be discussed when she comes home.

One thing you might want to put out there. I couldn't tell whether this is the case with your girlfriend or not, but sometimes people who are really jealous are being unfaithful. Oddly enough, they get worried that their partner might be doing the same thing so they become jealous. You could probe her about this angle. At the very least you would be turning the tables and she would understand the frustration of being accused of something you didn't do.[/QUOTE]


Yeah, I was thinking the same thing as you, GK at first, that she was just a little drunk one night and overreacted because she missed you. I know that for some people here, drinking strikes a very personal chord, but I think some of these posters have forgotten that there's really nothing abnormal and unhealthy abou a young person having a few more drinks than they should every once in while. Ruth, I know you in particular have had disturbing past experiences with drinking that make you understandably wary of it, but there are always going to be people who have major problems with alcohol whenever they take a drink. But it's also important to remember that most people can indulge in moderation sometimes and (for young people especially) even overindulge on rare occasions, without that necessarily signifying any serious problems with drinking. I personally think that it's a bit extreme and unfair to conflate all these regular and occasionally heavy drinkers with people who are genuinely problem drinkers who lack control over the consumption and behavior once they start drinking. ever a couple has an argument after one person has a few drinks. I know you're not the only one here who comes down really hard on drinking, and I don't mean to imply that you're anything but right and wise to warn against the dangers of drinking and how quickly it can get out of control. Still, in the majority of cases where couples have disputes after having some drinks, it seems to me that drinking really isn't that big a deal or the main problem; instead, I generally believe that the most important issue requiring attention is whatever dispute launched the argument in the first place.

So from what we've heard about this particular case, I'd be inclined to be a lot more concerned about the fact that she has all of a sudden, seeingly out of nowhere for no good reason, recently lashed out with these sharply worded, accusatory allegations of infidelity. With that said, after reading the original poster's second post, the first thing that jumped to mind is that the only reason that comes to mind at to why she'd suddenly accuse you of cheating so harshly, assuming you've done nothing of late to prompt her accusations, is that she's been recently feeling guilty about either cheating or being seriously tempted to do so and projecting this guilt onto you. Usually when one partner starts questioning the other's fidelity without provocation, it is to deflect suspicion from themselves or because they assume that they probably aren't the only one who's tempted to cheat when the couple is apart...basically, there's a good chance that something shady is going on with her which has prompted her to manufacture these allegations seemingly out of thin air. I agree with Stacey :wave: that she sounds awfully immature and suspicious for someone gearing up to get married; are you guys still pretty young? Regardless, I think the other posters are wise to suggest that you hold off on marriage until you get to the bottom of her accusations and figure out what could be prompting them along with her excessive drinking while she was gone. Such behavior reminds me of how I coped with guilt when I had already started a new relationship before fully extricating myself from one that was clearly (to me anyway) on its last legs. I'm wasn't proud or comfortable with this overlap and felt bad about wanting or getting involved with another man before ending things with my prior BF, and this led me to drink more than usual and go on the attack, hoping that putting my BF on the defensive would prevent me from being put in that situation. OF course, I have no way of knowing whether something like hat is going on or whether her behavior is compltely innocuous and has a straightforward and innocent explanation. I certainly hope the latter is the case for your sake assumng you are otherwise content and fulfilled within this relationship, but I still think you should make quite sure all of both of yoru feelings of insecurity and doubt are fully resolved before making any sort of binding legal commitment. You are right that trust is probably the single most important component in a successful long term partnership, with honesty and fidelity also very significant and essenial requirements. You're wise to want to get this out in the open and make absolutely sure she is being 100% honest and confiding in you fully about anything you need to know that might have prompted her uncharacteristic recent behavior. It souds like you are smart and mature with a good head on your shoulders, so while I wish you the best of luck in resolving this, I have faith tbat you will pull through having made only carefully planned out and thoughtful decisions. Good luck with everything, keeo your chin up and take care; try to have faith that everything will work out for the best in the long run :).





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