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Great post, Heartland. It gives me a lot of hope and motivates me not to settle, because while I am not always easy to love, I do think there is someone out there who shares the same combination of adventure and stability...probably someone a lot like you, because from the sound of it, your wife and I seem to have a lot in common. GE, I have often wondered about the bad boy thing myself, because I have never felt that attraction to bad boys that almost every woman I've known has felt. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I don't get emotionally attached to guys I am physically intimate with just because we're intimate...unlike most women we hear about, I'm perfectly capable and happy to have purely physical relationships and don't inevitably get my feelings involved. So when I've hooked up with bad boys in the past, I've seen how they'd be terrible boyfriends and never had the slightest desire for anything more than a fling with them. Other than that, I'm baffled by, but very curious, about the near universal appeal of these bad boys among women who share little else in common. I wonder if has anything to do with a lack of self-esteem or confidence among women who don't fully believe that they can have any kind of relationship with any man they want? I don't know if I'm way off base or not, just that the attraction to men who can't be pinned down, who don't make reliable and trustworthy boyfriends, is another trait that most women have that I've always lacked and felt mystified by. It's not that I don't have a really strong attraction to sexy, wild guys with whom I want mainly physical, passionate relationships, but for some reason I am not attracted to guys who lack the qualities that make great boyfriends (honesty, loyalty, fidelity, devotion, etc.) It's an interesting phenomenon and a very good topic for a thread...I'm looking forward to reading more about why so many women are most drawn to men who are always out of their reach and elusive when it comes to commitment and settling down. Fortunately, there are a lot of guys out there who have all the desirable qualities of bad boys, like the sexiness and adventuredness and uninhibitedness, but who lack the qualities that make bad boys such disappointing and unreliable boyfriends. I hope you can find one like this, because you don't and shouldn't have to compromise when it comes to finding a man who loves and respects you and never lets you down, hurts you, or deceives you and one who constantly excites and surprises you in all the ways we women like to be thrilled and kept on the edge of our seats. ;)

GE, you definitely puzzle me; I find you very interesting because it's hard to get a sense of exactly what you want. There are times when it seems to me like you are looking for the same thing I am at the moment--just to date lots of different guys, have a good time, have an adventurous and exciting, varied and experimental sex life. But then there are other times when you seem to want what most other women want in terms of finding that one special guy to settle down with, someone to marry or at least permanently build a nest with, someone who will commit to you and be your partner from now on. I usually think that I will want this second kind of lifestyle at some point in the future--I never envisioned myself getting married or having babies until a lot closer to 30 and always shuddered at the idea of settling down in my teens like some women do without experiencing my youth as a free, independent woman and getting to experiment with lots of different men and relationships. But lately I'm not so sure; you've made me think with some of the things you've said over the last few months about some women not really being cut out for lifelong monogamy and being happier going through life with a variety of different lovers. But is that really what YOU want--do you want marriage, to stay single and date around, or a committed but not necessarily permanent relationship? I remember being excited for you when you had that thing going with your young Latin lover, because that kind of no-strings-attached relationship sounded really good to me at the time, but you seemed to get turned off pretty quickly by that because you seemed to want a partner with whom you could actually have an emotional, not just a purely physical, relationship. I think an important step toward you finding what will really make you happy is determining exactly what you want in terms of your ideal, perfect, dream relationship(s). I'd be really interested to hear what you think that might be...





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