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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

[QUOTE=heartlandguy]Sophia, sometimes it feels so good to find someone who satisfies most of our needs that we tend to settle for something less than the “whole package”. In the case of your skydiving friend, her first boyfriend wasn’t stable enough to commit. In the case of the plain, boring friend, she found the right mix for her and vice versa. I have to think her husband found more exciting and attractive women too risky for him and his lifestyle... most women may find him boring and too predictable after a while. Good matches are hard to find because almost no two men or women are alike. That’s why I like the jigsaw puzzle analog so much… it illustrates that matches are rare yet there can be one for everyone.

I think one strong sign of a good match is that both partners are very flexible toward each other. When both find the right match, they just know they’ve found the best relationship they can be in so they are willing to be flexible enough to make it work rather than settle for a lesser relationship. For instance, in my marriage, I can be very mad at my wife for a few days but it suddenly becomes apparent to me that I’m frequently a major pain in the butt yet she puts up with me anyway… and I come back to my senses. As humans, we all have our lapses but when the match is right, we don’t let pride ruin something that is rare and precious.[/QUOTE]

Heartland, I agree! I am actually like you in that, if I think something is rare and precious, I can be very flexible and forgiving. I am quite passionate by nature, and that means that sometimes I get mad over things I perceive as not right, but I never hold a grudge for a long time. To me, holding a grudge over some silly argument would be ridiculous. That's why I don't understand why some people, like my ex-ex, would be so tough and unforgiving.

As far as my fun, adventurous friend, I think her ex-bf was a typical commitment-phobe (not surprisingly, he was a New Yorker!). He even emailed her a few times after she got married, insinuating that he would be SO happy to marry her IF she left the new husband--can you believe this??? That's after being given numerous chances in the past, when she was still single. Some people are truly screwed up and they wouldn't appreciate it if they met the most wonderful person on earth!

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