It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Gamecock, I'm sorry to hear this is still troubling you. I really think you just need to let go and take all the advice people have offered you in the past. It really doesn't matter why he's doing what he does and has done. It really doesn't. What good is it doing you thinking about this? As Mada said, putting his ex down and thinking he's crazy for wanting her but not you may make you feel better, but it's not doing you any good, because it's keeping you focused and dwelling on something in the past that you can't change. Besides, asking and wondering "why" about any of this is only going you leave you confused, frustrated, and without any more answers than you've ever had. Remember, there really isn't any logic or common sense involved in love or in why people make the romantic decisions they make. By the way you keep repeating over and over that you don't like the way he's calling you while he still has a girlfriend, it sounds like you want people to tell you that he must still like you and want to be with you. But to be blunt, no one is going to tell you that, because if it was true, he'd be with you. It's just that simple.

Maybe you think he's making a mistake and that you have more to offer than she does, but ultimately it's his opinion that determines his choices, and for whatever reason, he's decided that he wants to be with her. It doesn't mean there's anything better or more worthy about her, though it doesn't mean the opposite is true either...you are just two different women, and for whatever reason, at this time, she is the one he wants. I understand how that must hurt, but you need to let it go. I really think you will be amazed at how much of a relief it will be when you can let it go, because one thing all your posts have in common is that they demonstrate that so far, you haven't been able to do so. But you need to, for the sake of your self-esteem, your happiness, your future outlook, and your peace of mind. He's being an inconsiderate, selfish dolt by calling you, but it's probably innocent, and you have to take back control of your life from him. Just because he's called doesn't mean you have to think about him and wonder why he left, why he is with his new GF, why he'd still call you if he really loved her, etc.

But honey, those questions don't matter! They don't have any answers that will get you anywhere other than continuing to dwell on something that is over, something you desperately need to let go of in order to get your life back together. I'm so sorry that he hurt you so deeply by leaving, but unfortunately, he did. That's just the truth of it, and no matter how much it hurts, there is nothing you can do to change that. At this point, you need to let it go, leave it in the past, and look toward the future without letting this weigh you down any more than necessary. You do have a choice whether or not to let this occupy your thoughts, and you have a responsibility to yourself to do everything in your power to leave this whole situation in your past and focus all your attention and energy on your future. I don't know if you remember my posts from when my ex left earlier this year, but the smartest and best decision I made throughout that horribly painful ordeal was to take control of my own thoughts, at least as much as I possibly could, and to force myself not to let the past haunt me anymore than I could avoid. For your own sake, you need to try and do the same thing, try and let go...it will be well worth the effort to free yourself from dwelling on the past and dragging the burden of those memories around with you wherever you go.

If I could let go of my ex, who I loved more than life itself, who slept in my arms every night from the day we met until he left three years later, who I used to watch sleep and think I would die if I ever had to live without him, then YOU CAN LET GO of your ex as well. Believe me, you can, and you need to, because the way you are obsessing is really getting in the way of you being happy and holding you back from embracing your future with an optimistic, enthusiastic outlook. Yes it's hard to let go, it's probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and it's not something that just disappears if you fight hard enough. BUT...it does get better if you use the strength and energy that you're currently using to dwell on the past and wonder why and maybe even hold out hope that he'll change his mind and marshall that energy toward forcing thoughts of your ex out of your mind. It's not easy, and it's not quick, but the sooner you start, the sooner you will start feeling better...believe me, there are still times when I can't help thinking of my ex, but I still make a conscious effort to say, "I miss him, and I wish him well, but it's over" and push the thought out of my head each and every time that he pops into my mind. You just have to accept once and for all that he is gone, that he is out of your life forever and not coming back (and it helped me to realize the very day he left that even if he came back, I would have too much dignity and self-respect to take back a man who could go back on everything he ever promised me and hurt me so much by giving up on me). This acceptance is essential if you are to really mourn the loss of your relationship, which you still seem to need to do. Hanging onto the memories isn't helping you or making things any easier, though it may seem that way now...you are going to need to let go and start healing eventually, and the longer you put that out and drag it out, the longer losing him will make you feel miserable and lonely. Please do yourself a favor and take the first step, let him go, accept that he's gone, force yourself to stop thinking about him, and focus all your attention on your future. Please don't let him waste anymore of your time or keep you stuck in a miserable kind of limbo any longer than necessary.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:54 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!