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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I find myself struck by the post where you said that you have this "Brazilian beauty thing" going on and guys come on to you and while you don't run to your boyfriend to tell him about it, he has to "drag it out of you". Add that to the lying and games, and I see a picture of a young woman who is basically insecure, but at the same time playing power games with the guy's head. What do you mean, he "dragged it out of you"? Is he psychic? How did he know someone was coming onto you if you didn't let him know? What was your reason for that? Are you trying to make him crazy?

Read all these posts from the beginning and look at the picture they paint. Stop lying. Take responsibility for your health. If you have an std, get treatment and tell the guy. How did you get it? You may never know. It may be nothing more than A candida rash. THINK about how your words affect others before you speak them. I am being very harsh with you because I am trying to save you a lifetime of grief. If you don't stop the head games created by the lies, you will have a lifetime of painful relationships.

Read over what you have written and thing about how it has affected the relationship you had with this young man. Beauty fades and an older, more mature man would have dumped you without explanation. Stop manipulating. Be straight. If you don't know why something doesn't feel right and you don't want to do something, say that. Don't make up some stupid story because you don't know yourself what is going on. And remember, you don't have to explain all the time. Say you don't want to do something. Say you don't know why. Say you need time to think about what is going on.

You aren't a bad person. You are just young. I did some of that same stupid kind of thing when I was your age, before I learned better. Be honest, believe me, it is the only way to have a relationship with anyone. There is no relationship not based on trust and without trust, how can you have a relationship with anyone from your family to an employer?

As for this young man, the relationship may be damaged beyond repair. Let it cool for awhile and see what happens. Don't try to anticipate or plan what to do if he comes around. Be authentic. Stop thinking so much and just BE. Guys are pretty simple ceatures, all in all and you can hurt them deeply. They are attracted to your beauty, but they stay because of your character.

There is an old saying "I hear what you say, but I believe what you do". Make sure your words and actions match who and what you want to be. Don't blurt something out and look for ways to justify it. Decide you want to be a woman of your word. TELL THE TRUTH. Tell it kindly, tell it softly, tell it in a manner the other person can hear it. Realize it is only your truth and someone else may see it differently.

Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Perhaps if you had been able to say the things you have said in these pages, the relationship would not have been damaged. Don't be so afraid to let youself be seen as who you are. It makes you real and lovable.

Hopefully, this is just a candida rash and you will have only had a very valuable lesson/wake-up call. Go slow with the next relationship. Get to know the man very very well before you get into a physical relationship with him. Make sure you both go and get tested together before entering into a sexual relationship. Not romantic? Noooo, but herpes isn't very romantic either and mature, caring people who are responsible enough to have sex will not risk their own health or that of someone else. And the very suggestion that you cool things until you are tested will tell you a lot about the guy! Would you trust your whole heart and soul to someone who refused to go with you to a clinic to be tested for diseases that he might not even be aware he had?

Good luck. This is just part of growing up in spite of how awful it all feels. And the next time a guy comes on to you, DON'T TELL ANYONE! What is the purpose? If you tell another guy, what are you really saying to him? If you tell the girls, are you telling them you are somehow superior because guys come on to you? Keep it to yourself. That is maturity.

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