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[QUOTE=TTBABM]to know the whole story read my other post, basically my wife is having an affair it's all out in the open now (we are in counseling) she is torn on who she want's to be with. I have recently met a woman who asked me out, I was up front about my situation and told her it was friends only. well of course things started to heat up I have not at this point even kissed her she wants to but i have always believed in my vows even if my wife didn't. Now i am messed up. i have been married twice both spouses cheated on me and both times I have tried to be a good man and stay tru to myself. I want to persue this woman but i know if i wait till divorce is final i will lose her. i am tearing myself up inside i am so sick of dishonesty in relationships does anybody else have a similiar story or just want to respond.[/QUOTE]

Well, you say you and your wife are in counseling, yet it sounds like neither of you have both feet in the marriage, in which case I think counseling is sort of a waste of time. I think counseling is only effective in keeping a marriage together if both people know they want their marriage to work and need help in figuring out how to make it work. But it sounds like neither you nor your wife are really 100% invested in the marriage, otherwise you'd both get rid of the other people who are tempting you, choose your marriage and focus totally on each other and doing what you have to in order to make your marriage work. Neither of you seem willing to do that. I agree, at the rate you're going, your marriage is going to end, but you're both dragging out the process and it won't become final probably for several years. How long a divorce takes depends on your state laws, how much property you own together, whether there are kids, and whether you both are in dispute about who should get what. I mean, look at it logically. It's like being on a diet and wanting to lose weight, but keeping a stash of greasy hamburgers and chocolate ice cream by your bed. All the fruit and vegetables and exercise in the world aren't going to help you lose weight until you stop eating the ice cream and hamburgers. I think you both have a choice to make. Do some soul searching about what you really want to do and then you can form a plan to get to where you really want to go. Do you want your marriage to work? If so, how is this new woman going to help in making your marriage better and getting you closer to your wife? If she isn't then your plan would be to get rid of her. Do you want your marriage to end? If so, then counseling is a waste of time and money. Call an attorney instead and get the ball rolling. Like Mr. Myagi said in the Karate Kid "karate yes, safe. Karate no, safe. Karate guess so, squish, just like grape." You're in the middle of the road. You'll be in limbo and in a constant state of confusion, stress and frustration as long as you're saying "marriage guess so."

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