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I don't think you're over-reacting at all, and I don't think it's just about the movie. It sounds like your boyfriend is starting to seriously pull away from you, and if you want to salvage the relationship, you should start focusing a lot more on your own life, family, and friends, and stop revolving so much of your attention and energy around him. Honestly, this doesn't sound good. It certainly doesn't sound like it's about to turn into a lifelong partnership unless things change dramatically...I don't mean to be harsh, but I don't think the things you describe are signs that he is committed to being with you in the long run, no matter what your mom says about her relationship with your dad. The first thing that came to mind reading your post was, uh oh, he sounds like he's pulling away big time. The second thing was, why is she still forcing herself on him and insisting on spending time together when he makes it clear that he doesn't want to do so? If he tells you that he doesn't want to hang out, you really should be respecting that. It should seriously concern you that he is all of a sudden telling you not to come see him...this is not something you should just brush under the rug and ignore, continuing on with him as if he wasn't acting differently toward you. No matter what else he is telling you, this is definitely something that demands a serious conversation. I really think you need to stop focusing on the movie and take a good hard look at the larger picture here: he tells you not to come see him, and you aren't seeing nearly as much of him as you used to. Sorry to say, but these are two huge red flags that go way beyond him flaking out on a movie, though that certainly seems characteristic of his general attitude toward your relationship of late.

I don't want to alarm you, but I strongly believe that you shouldn't let his reassurances obscure the fact that his other words and actions are indicating that he's withdrawing from you and the relationship. Guys can be really cowardly about being honest with you when it comes to telling you that they no longer want to spend their lives with you, especially if you are asking him for reassurance about such stuff or telling him that you love him, etc. and waiting for him to say the same things back. The fact that he keeps making the same promises about your future together as he always has shouldn't give you cause to ignore his other troubling behaviors. Again, I hate to be overly negative here, but I do want to help you see this situation clearly and be prepared so you can do everything in your power to avoid an unhappy ending before it's too late. I was completely unprepared when my ex started pulling away, in part because I truly thought he was the love of my life for every moment of the 3+ years we lived together, and also because he was telling me that he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me up until the very day he left, with just as much sincerity and affection as always.

So those reassurances in and of themselves aren't any guarantee that things aren't declining--I really think you need to be as honest and objective about this as possible and address these problems head-on. He really seems to be pulling away and demonstrating less and less interest in you and what you want/need than before...most of the time when this happens in their relationships, women make the mistake of chasing the man and clinging to him more tightly and suffocatingly than ever. That's completely the wrong move, which is why I cautioned you against proceeding like nothing is wrong and continuing to go see him as much ever despite the fact that he repeatedly asks you not to. The more you chase a guy who is pulling away, the faster and further he will run away from you in response. The path you are following seems destined to result in him fleeing the relationship for good before long, and so if you want to prevent that from happening, I really think you need to change your approach. Instead of pursuing him, let him do the chasing...pull away yourself and immerse yourself in your interests and relationships that don't involve him. The less you chase after him, the less inclined he will be to flee from you and avoid you...he might just tenatively come back to see why you aren't pursuing him like you always do. But if you run after him and make him feel smothered, you're pretty much signing the death certificate for your relationship before it even ends, unfortunately. There is a great book on dating called "Why Men Love (a word that rhymes with witches)" about how women who succeed in relationships preserve their independence, don't chase after guys, and know how to remain an appealing challenge even after their relationships are no longer in that honeymoon phase.

I would strongly suggest reading this but most importantly, I think you really need to sit him down ASAP and talk to him as honestly and candidly as possible about how you've noticed he's acting differently and tell him that you want to know why and if there is anything you can do to make him feel more comfortable and happy within the relationship. Hopefully he will be willing to talk and work things out, but even if he tells you he wants out, it was inevitable that he would decide that, and it's better that you know now rather than having him draw it out and prolonging your uncertainty and unhappiness. You deserve some honest, straightforward answers and explanations, and you have every right to be disconcerted and disturbed by his behavior of late. Please don't just keep on like everything is fine and great when it's clearly not, in his view...you need to face the reality of the situation and fight for your relationship if you want it to continue. I wish you all the best of luck, and hope some of this helped without coming across as overly pessimistic. I really don't mean to be negative, just hoping to help someone else realize the writing on the wall before it's too late, and avoid making the same mistakes I made in losing a relationship I might have been able to save if I had recognized the danger signs and took action decisively and quickly enough.





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