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Has anyone out there successfully had a "friend with benefits" situation that ended peacefully & smoothly without either person getting hurt? If so, I would love some advice on how you handled it.
I am currently dating someone who says he is definitely not interested in a serious relationship, and I basically feel the same way. However, there is no denying a very strong growing affection between us (its almost like we are a "pretend" boyfriend/girlfriend for eachother) and there is much growing warmth, tenderness and great communication aside from the great sex. Anyways, things are very relaxed now (although boundaries are still clear that there is no "commitment"), and just so as not to complicate things we only see eachother once a week (my rule). I guess I am worrying though, that seeing him is kind of making me lazy when it comes to meeting new men, which I would like to do, since I feel I am somewhat ready to look for a serious relationship again. He is so busy that he has no time to date anyone else, either. Its like we have a kind of unspoken "monogomy"...is this a good or bad thing? We also both admitted that we would be some jealousy if we found out the other had been with someone else...is this thing destined to end in hurt? We are being very honest with eachother, which will of course help in the long run, but is that enough? Should I put the effort into dating others, even though, for now, I am content with what we have? Are we just building ourselves up to hurt eachother?
[QUOTE=daria74]Has anyone out there successfully had a "friend with benefits" situation that ended peacefully & smoothly without either person getting hurt? If so, I would love some advice on how you handled it.
I am currently dating someone who says he is definitely not interested in a serious relationship, and I basically feel the same way. However, there is no denying a very strong growing affection between us (its almost like we are a "pretend" boyfriend/girlfriend for eachother) and there is much growing warmth, tenderness and great communication aside from the great sex. Anyways, things are very relaxed now (although boundaries are still clear that there is no "commitment"), and just so as not to complicate things we only see eachother once a week (my rule). I guess I am worrying though, that seeing him is kind of making me lazy when it comes to meeting new men, which I would like to do, since I feel I am somewhat ready to look for a serious relationship again. He is so busy that he has no time to date anyone else, either. Its like we have a kind of unspoken "monogomy"...is this a good or bad thing? We also both admitted that we would be some jealousy if we found out the other had been with someone else...is this thing destined to end in hurt? We are being very honest with eachother, which will of course help in the long run, but is that enough? Should I put the effort into dating others, even though, for now, I am content with what we have? Are we just building ourselves up to hurt eachother?[/QUOTE]

Well, personally, I think words you used like "lazy" and "jealousy" don't exactly bode well for a nice ending on both sides. Whether this is a good or bad thing probably depends on a few things: what is your long term relationship goal? Do you want to be married, say, within the next 5 or 6 years? If so, you're right, you're not going to find your future husband in your FWB's bed, and your laziness is bound to bite you on the rear one day. When you're young, you think you have all the time in the world to make your dreams come true, but more often than not, you have less time than you thought you did. Secondly, honestly, how are you going to feel if tomorrow, he calls you and says "I met a girl last week, and I think this is the one. She's not comfortable with our situation so I can't see you anymore, sorry, bye." It seems that despite your best intentions, you have developed feelings for this guy, and those feelings will get hurt if and when he starts sleeping with someone else, I can pretty much guarantee it. But if you're prepared for that and are prepared for all the consequences of the short term FWB thing, then I'm not going to say "don't do it." I think you just need to fully prepare yourself for all the consequences.
This is an interesting thread. I think if you are happy with your current situation, then stay in it. You have both been honest with one another and you both agreed on the ground rules from the very beginning. However, if you eventually want something more, then it's up to you to date other men who are looking for the same thing. I would not count on this relationship being anything more than casual unless, and until, your "friend" says he wants more.

If I were you, I would continue to see him on the current terms you both agreed on, but go out and date other men also. You don't need to sleep with any of them. Just meet other men and don't be so available when he wants to see you. Once you starting dating other men, he might change his tune!

He is getting everything he wants right now without making a commitment, so I don't think he will make one unless you change your actions.

Sometimes what starts out as a casual sexual relationship does grow into something deeper.

Men always say they don't want anything serious, until they fall in love. Good luck and remember, all is fair in love and war!
I don't see how a woman can blame a man for hurting her when the man was upfront and honest from the beginning. When a man says he wants to be "friends with benefits" and the woman agrees to those terms, then she knows exactly what she's getting into.

I would much rather have a man be honest about what he wants in the beginning. At least then, I would know where I stand. So many men lie and play games to get a woman in the sack. Then when they get what they want...boom! They are on to the next woman. That surely has to hurt a lot more!





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