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[QUOTE=vespertine212]Maybe I am conceded. In a certain way, you're right. Actually, in person I am quite shy and a bit of a wallflower. I don't think I'm very good looking or that I have much to offer a woman. In certain ways I'm quite insecure. The one point I feel confident on is that if a woman wants to sleep with me, I feel confident I could get her to want to marry me, or at least date me very seriously for a very long term. Maybe that's nothing to be proud of, but that's probably the point on which I'm a little conceded. My one strenght, amidst so many other weaknesses and faults, is that I'm quite easy to get along with and on a certain level can provide quite a lot of emotional support and happiness for a woman when I want to.

Like I said earlier, it's a real weakness of mine that I am unable to confront people with my real needs and feelings, especially when it comes to my needs in a relationship. Yes, ofcourse I'm worried that the woman is going to run out on me if I tell her I'm not in it for the long haul.

Anyway, I think you're all right - I'm a bit of a player, manipulate women by using their emotions, and in the grander scheme of things am really not such a nice guy.

Can anyone offer me some help on what to say to the woman I'm with right now? I really don't want to break up with her, but it's true that I need to be more upfront than I've been (although in my defense, I've been upfront about my plans to travel since day one).[/QUOTE]


ok..so you have been upfront with this gal from day one..and we have already covered the mix signals youíre sending so we won't get into that anymore.

But how to tell her..come on..what did you say when she talked about going with you? What you say is..Iím sorry i have made a mistake...i should not have let you or myself become this attached at a time when i am leaving. Because I am leaving and this will be the end of us and as far as we can go. I don't want to hurt you but I do not want to pursue this any further. I wish you well in all that you do.
Let her talk, let her be angry, let her ask questions..etc..but stick to it.

Could I make a suggestion for the future...perhaps you should be dating in general terms as seeing more than one person at a time and letting the girls you date do the same. Or perhaps keeping your interaction short lived would help the women not to want more from you. I just make this suggestion because I know what it is like to be in a relationship that is non committal. It sucks and there becomes a lot of grey areas but also a lot of opportunity to do an injustice to ourselves and others. Anyway I disagree with one thing. I don't think youíre not a nice guy. I just think your not ready but like the rest of us need some human compassion, and companionship. It takes two to tango!





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