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[QUOTE=vespertine212]Maybe I am conceded. In a certain way, you're right. Actually, in person I am quite shy and a bit of a wallflower. I don't think I'm very good looking or that I have much to offer a woman. In certain ways I'm quite insecure. The one point I feel confident on is that if a woman wants to sleep with me, I feel confident I could get her to want to marry me, or at least date me very seriously for a very long term. Maybe that's nothing to be proud of, but that's probably the point on which I'm a little conceded. My one strenght, amidst so many other weaknesses and faults, is that I'm quite easy to get along with and on a certain level can provide quite a lot of emotional support and happiness for a woman when I want to.

Like I said earlier, it's a real weakness of mine that I am unable to confront people with my real needs and feelings, especially when it comes to my needs in a relationship. Yes, ofcourse I'm worried that the woman is going to run out on me if I tell her I'm not in it for the long haul.

Anyway, I think you're all right - I'm a bit of a player, manipulate women by using their emotions, and in the grander scheme of things am really not such a nice guy.

Can anyone offer me some help on what to say to the woman I'm with right now? I really don't want to break up with her, but it's true that I need to be more upfront than I've been (although in my defense, I've been upfront about my plans to travel since day one).[/QUOTE]

"The one point I feel confident on is that if a woman wants to sleep with me, I feel confident I could get her to want to marry me, or at least date me very seriously for a very long term."
This sounds like you get an ego boost out of getting good girls to fall in love with you. Yet, all the while, you know you don't really WANT to marry or have a long term relationship with them, you just get a rush out of knowing you can get them to feel that strongly for you. You're right, this is very manipulative, and not very nice at all, I hate to say.

You were up front about your travel plans, but you were NOT up front about traveling alone being set in stone. You now know she feels strongly enough for you to want, and even expect, to go with you. Every day you go without telling her you don't want her along, you are lying to her. I know you don't want to break up with her yet, but that's not always your choice. Tell her you're sorry if she misunderstood, but you are going on your trip alone, and that you don't see this relationship going any farther when you come back. Then it is her choice to be with you in a more casual way until you leave, or to take off and look for someone more committed now. It's not always about you and what you want. There's another person in the relationship too, and if you don't tell them the total truth up front, they can't make informed decisions about their own future. I mean, what is your plan if you don't sit her down now and have the big, uncomfortable, yucky talk about the trip? Just take off and not let her know you've gone?

Sure, it's possible that someday soon you'll meet the woman of your dreams and you will change your mind and want to settle down with her. But it's not her JOB to try to change your mind. It's your job to be honest with yourself as to what you want. If you really want to be free and only see women in a casual way, then be honest about it, be honest with yourself and with the women you sleep with. The only way a woman is going to "change your mind" about commitment and marriage is when you decide to open your mind to the possibility. It doesn't sound like you have yet.





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