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I'm not sure where to begin, and would appreciate all your feedback!

December 2004 I met a new boyfriend, I'm 45, he's 44.
Everything was great for 3 months and then almost exactly at the 3 month point, he turned into a monster control freak about EVERYTHING.....
But back to the 1st 3 months. We met 3 weeks before Christmas, and really hit it off. Within 2 weeks we were falling in love.
At Christmas he showered me with gifts, more than I ever imagined. I thought he was overcompensating for something, but I was so happy with the way things were going at that time (but I did make a mental note, that it was just TOO much).
At the 3 month point, he would lose his temper in an instant, became bossy, manipulative, controlling, and volitile. I tried to communicate with him, to work things out. I told him he needed anger management (because that was what I thought the problem was at that time). I then found out thru extensive research that he has borderline personality disorder, and that the anger is not the problem, the anger is the symptom. I read the book, I hate you, don't leave me, and I am currently reading, stop walking on eggshells, taking your life back when someone you care about has BPD. These books opened my eyes! I thought maybe we had a chance at this relationship, but now that I realize why he acts this way, I think it's hopeless.
I wrote him a letter, before I realized that it is BPD, and now re-reading the letter, it's OBVIOUS that's what it is. I apologize for the length, but I think it's more explanatory to post the actual letter than to re-invent the wheel. I'm sad and disappointed because I feel that there is absolutely no chance, , of this working out. He has been calling, begging me to come back, but I see that's also a symptom, fear of abandonment, and doing anything to avoid being abandoned.
If anyone cares to read all this, here it is.

Dear XXX,
Iíve got a lot to say to you. I hope you read this objectively and really try to understand my point of view, because Iím speaking from the heart.

You have so many good qualities that itís a terrible shame that your need to control and dominate overshadows them.

Do you remember the note with the flowers? Donít change anything, Iím nuts about you!

Well you changed everything. How did you go from treating me wonderfully to yelling, bullying and trying to control? How did you go from treating me with respect to thinking you have the right to talk to me like a subordinate?

Iím pretty sure you act like this because of your father. Iím sorry but itís pretty obviousÖjust take a step back and try to look at it objectively. From what youíve told me about him, Iíve come to the conclusion that your father was abusive. You learned to act like him, evident in your bullying and your anger issues. You learned to try to control thru intimidation and fear because thatís what he did to you. Parents teach us a lot more than just our A,B,Cís, donít they?

Iím not your scapegoat. You are responsible for controlling your own anger.

I told you before. Iíve lived like that and donít plan on doing it again. Did you hear me when I said that? Did you understand? My ex husband was abusive. I recognize the signs.

One time you and I were discussing you rescuing your sister from an abusive relationship and I said (sarcastically) ďdid you ask your sister what she did to make him angry?Ē You looked surprised, like maybe you had a revelation and saw it from the other point of view. I thought maybe it would make sense in those termsÖÖ.did it?

Do you understand that itís never right to take your anger out on someone else? Verbally, emotionally, or physically?

I treat people the way I want to be treated and I canít remember EVER treating you disrespectful or raising my voice at you to try to intimidate you, calling you names, hanging up on you, threatening to leave you, storming out or any of the other tactics you have used on me.

XXX OPEN YOUR EYES

I have been nothing BUT good to you. What about all that nice stuff you said to me in the beginning? ďIíll do anything for you SweetieĒ. Was it just BS?

The one thing you can do for yourself is to get control of your anger, get control of your temper. You are responsible for itÖ..no one else.

You need to realize that this has nothing to do with me. You were angry before you met me and you will be angry the rest of your life unless you decide to make a change. Have you noticed that itís never your fault that you get angry? Itís always someone elses fault, whether itís me, your sister, your brother, or the driver who coasts thru a stop sign without fully stopping. Iím sorry, when you say ďyou make me so angry, StephanieĒ, it just doesnít fly.

I canít just turn my emotions off and back on again. I donít like the way you have been treating me lately and Iím tired of all your controlling ********. I see a pattern. Youíre nice for a while, saying what you think I want to hear, and then when I start believing it again then you start to tighten your grip and make unreasonable demands. You say weíre arguing. Weíre not arguing. Youíre mistaking whatís happening for an argument. Whatís really happening is, Youíre stepping on my reality, on my identity and Iím struggling to retain it. Your ******** about wearing the pants. What makes you think that you should make my decisions for me? What makes you think that if we have two different viewpoints that yours should override mine? Without even hearing me out, without even listening to my point of viewÖ..Because you have a penis and I donít? What makes you think you have the right to make demands on me and try to impose your will on me? If you had your way Iíd only speak when spoken to, and only then if Iím in agreement with you. Iím not a stepford wife.

Maybe we have two different ideas of what a relationship should be. I want a partnership, you seem to think it should be a dictatorship.

Iím a strong woman. Iím not submissive. Iím a smart person. I have a brain. I have a mind. I have intuition. I have decision making skills. I have survival skills. I understand human behavior. Iíve learned a few things in my 45 years. I read all kinds of stuff. Iím up on current events, politics, etc. I work. I own and take care of this apartment building. I pay my bills. I take care of Junior. Iím responsible. I treat people with respect. I donít need to put up with ********. I can survive fine on my own. I donít know why you wouldnít think youíd be lucky to have a woman like that, and I donít understand why you would want to squash who I am and make me into a stepford wife. Itís not going to happen.

I told you before. I am not going to be with someone who manipulates, controls, or tries to bully me. My ex-husband did that. Have a baby or Iíll divorce you. Sign a home equity loan to pay my gambling debts off or Iíll divorce you. Do this or Iíll divorce you, Do that or Iíll divorce you. I lived like that for 10 years. I got away from it and it took a while to recover. I donít plan on living like that again. I donít have to. Do you understand that? Do you??

And you have the nerve to throw up in my face about a failed marriage? Let me tell you something that Iíve told you before. Maybe you forgot. My ex husband tried to manipulate, control and bully me into having a baby. Finally he left meÖÖnot because he wanted to leave me, but because he thought I wouldnít be able to live without him and would beg him back and give in to his demands to have a baby. Thatís called manipulation. Oh well, it didnít workÖÖ..do you see where Iím going with this?

In a way I feel deja vu with you taking all your stuff home and all your threats. I donít think you really wanted to go home. I think you were pulling the same **** my ex husband pulled. It was a controlling tactic. You thought I would beg you to come back and I would give into your demands of a key and kicking Junior out of bed. I would think this was understood, but I guess it needs to be saidÖ..Itís my house, my bed, and my dog. Do you remember when you pulled this **** on me before and I told you not to give me an ultimatum, because the next time you gave me an ultimatum regarding Junior, or anything else for that matter, I would personally hold the door for you? You nodded like you understood. Do you remember that? I doÖ..clear as day. I believed you, but you did it again, and again, and again. Only problem is, I didnít follow thru and hold the door, so you thought you could push the issue some more. I guess Iím partially responsible for allowing it. I probably should have nipped it in the bud.

This storming out angry ********, every time I see youÖ..this hanging up ******** everytime I talk to you on the phone. Itís getting very old. Thatís also a reflection of your controlling behavior. You call the shots that way right? You walk out when YOU want to. You hang up when YOU want to. Youíre controlling the situation that way, as a last ditch effort when you feel like youíve lost control because Iím not allowing you to manipulate me. Then you call up and say I love you, I miss you, like everythingís ok? I canít turn my feelings on and off like that. Hot and cold. I donít like the way youíre treating me, point blank. I donít deserve it.

I wish you could understand what youíre doingÖ..do you? If you donít understand what youíre doing, and realize that itís not right, you can never fix it.

Iím serious when I tell you that you have some VERY WONDERFUL qualities! I wish you would nurture those qualities instead of drowning them in your anger. You could be so much happier and healthier!

Iíve put a lot of time and thought into this letter. I hope you get something out of it. Itís not meant to make you angry, itís meant to make you think.
When you say the workbook, is that seperate than the regular book? I just bought the book, and didn't see a workbook.
About the ultimatum thing, I did turn it around before, and tell him that this will never work unless he went to anger management. That's what got him there the first time. Then he wanted to see me, telling me I should throw him a bone, he went to counselling FOR ME, FOR US......(never for him and his problem). So I thought maybe he is right, and I saw him on Friday of Labor day weekend. It was ok, he was on his best behavior, but I was still wary of him. We rented a couple movies and had an ok time, but I probably would have preferred to be alone. He wanted to see me Saturday, but I went out during the day with my mom and when I came home I did a few things, and was tired so I laid down for a nap about 5:30. He called an hour later and I told him I was sleeping call me a little later, he did. I was still tired. Finally when he called at 8:30 again I told him don't come over, I'm tired, I'm just gonna sleep. I slept until the next morning. I wonder if it was just from the stress and pressure of having to see him again that made me so tired. So Sunday I saw him, I went with him to watch him fly his plane. He's asked me a lot, and I never did, but I told him I wanted to this time. I thought I was making an effort, but it seems like my heart's just not in it the same as it was. You get beat down and worn out after a while. Mad at yourself for falling for the same stuff over and over after hoping it will be different. I'm smarter than that! Why do I keep trying?
So then he went the 2nd time for counselling, again trying to use it as a bargaining chip to get to see me. I feel mean when I reject him, but I told him, the way he's been treating me I'm not in the mood to see him.
I'm between a rock and a hard place.
I know you don't want to influence me, but try to answer this honestely.....
If you weren't married and had only been with the guy for 9 months, like I have, would you walk away, knowing what you know now?
Scared Wife-Thank you so much for your honesty. You must have the workbook that goes along with the book I have (with the same title). The book is excellent. It also gives a reference for a support group on line, that I have to check into just to read up a little more. However, I think my decision should already be made, but I keep checking to see it he IM'd me. He hasn't for a couple days, since the last one I posted for you. Part of me feels sad, like I'm giving up, but like one of the Non-BP's in the book said about his BP wife: he's worked so hard on not abandoning her, that he had abandoned himself. That's what scares me, that's what I think happens, like a slippery slope.
It's good that his friend can see how he's acting. Mine doesn't have any friends. He told me it was because they all had bad habits and he was trying to better himself and get away from bad influences. It sounded so noble, and I believed him. Now I believe that he drives them away. His family puts up with him because they're related to him, used to him, and some of them have the same problems.
I fell for him pretty fast too. He was great for the first 3 months, and a raging maniac for the next 6. Anyone else would say, if the relationship was bad for twice as long as it was good, what am I doing here?
I had thyroid surgery in May and my friends were urging me to "get rid of him before you have your surgery". You don't need the stress, etc. They were right, and I knew it at the time. Why have I allowed it to drag on for 4 more months?
He was a real jerk and not supportive, not empathetic with me etc. I hope you don't mind but I'm gonna cut and paste from the letter that I should have pasted the first time rather than type it all out again.
Thanks for your concern about my health. Thank God it was benign. Iím still tired. Stress and surgery takes a lot out of you. If you were that worried why didnít you have a little more patience and compassion with me? The first day I came home (to my house), Monday, you ended up storming out, because I was upset that you hurt my neck from squeezing my shoulders when you rubbed my backÖÖ3 days after being cut open. Then 2 days later on your birthday, after I thought I did everything I could to make you happy, you pulled the spoiled child act again. You say I wonít understand where youíre coming from. Itís more like I can tell you over and over until Iím blue in the face, how I feel about something and you just donít get it. I will try one more time to explain this to you, although I feel itís futile.

I felt as you did, when we first met and became boyfriend and girlfriend, I was SO happy! I was serious when I wrote in your Christmas card that you gave me a reason to believe in love again. You were wonderful, treated me great, were interested in my opinions, wanted to get to know me, wanted to spend all your free time with me, listened to me, talked to me, treated me with respectÖ.I couldnít have asked for a better guy!

I did appreciate you, and your help with things, and I always thanked you. I did not however appreciate your attitude that you should make decisions for me on things that I was perfectly able to decide on my own. I also did not appreciate your anger when my decisions were different than yoursÖÖsome examples: hosing off the lawn mower, buying a timer for the hose (you screamed at me in Home Depot), waxing my car when it hadnít been washed in months, fixing the front door by hammering the door frame instead of adjusting the closing arm, etc.

OK, now to the real issue, Junior. You say you have owned dogs, cats, lizards, etc. I would describe myself as a dog lover, a dog person. You may have owned dogs, or lived in a house with one, but you are not a dog person. I guess thatís the difference between me and you. To me a dog is a member of the family, not just an accessory or a piece of furniture. Pets have souls, personalities, feelings. Itís too bad that you donít understand the great capacity for love that a pet can offer. Youíre really missing out on something good. Oh well, we just view things differently. I told you from the start and Chuck told you that Junior is my baby. I love him. Why do you expect me to apologize for that? Iím not going to. Junior was (and is) there for me through the ups and downs of my life. He is loyal. I owe him the same loyalty. Everyone else (except my mom) has walked out of my life at some point. How many times have you told me weíre done? Loving him doesnít take away my ability to love a person, and it doesnít subtract from the love I can offer. Itís a different kind of love. Why canít you understand that? Havenít you ever heard the saying, love me, love my dog? I donít expect you to love Junior, but you donít like him because youíre jealous of him? Thatís a real problem. No one has ever not liked Junior, heís very likeable.

You say I put Junior first. Yes I do. Thatís what you do for someone who depends on you for their care and wellbeing. Again, why do you expect me to apologize for that? I put Junior first before ME even. Junior always is stocked up on food, pupporoni, milk bones, etc, and sometimes I have no food or pop in the fridge for me. If I didnít want him in my life, I wouldnít have him. Heís important to me, heís not an inconvenience. Your argument that youíre more important because youíre human doesnít make sense. The fact that youíre human implies that you have logic and capacity to reason. You should be able to understand. He on the other hand (being just a dog), would not understand why he was no longer able to sleep in bed, as he had for 13 years. I told you right from the start how important he is to me. There were no surprises.

Hereís one of your statementsÖ.
ďHow disrespectful and insulting to me that you tell me not to disturb your PET in your bed. Who do you think you are?Ē

Do you see how that sounds? Who do I think I am? Itís my pet, my bed, my house. Who do you think you are? From my point of view, youíre disrespecting and insulting me with your reaction to my request that you not disturb him because he was in pain and could hardly walk. I was also not comfortable just home from surgery but was willing to share my bed with you, when I probably would have been more comfortable alone, before you exploded and started spewing obscenities at me.
Hello Ladies,

How are you both this afternoon? This is a very interesting conversation we have been having. You both have so much in commom, both love men who are borderline, but they haven't acknowledged it yet. Both of you do about the same things after work. Both of you are intelligent, loving ,caring, and interested in knowing more about the emotional health of your loved ones. You are both walking on eggshells. Caught up in this nightmare of borderline personality disorder. You didn't ask for it, but you still love them in spite of it, you want to help, but you've come to realize, that RIGHT NOW, involvement cannot help either of you or your men.

I, on the otherhand, am a recovering borderline AND walking on eggshells. My niece, the 18 y/o one, is borderline, recoginized by her, but not enough to seek professional help AND my 13 y/o niece is pre-borderline. Their mother is agoraphobic, uneducated ( she left school in the 7th grade), and is a door mat when it comes to her children. She also has a 10 y/o son.

I applaud your strength :) , your willpower :) , and your determination. :)

I also applaud your desire to gain more knowledge about this problem. :)

Lori:

You are doing so great! Taking a rug class! That's wonderful. I crochet, it's mindless also. Resisting the temptation to see your husband right now.

Rose:

You are also doing great! Not responding to the IM's, except to remain neutral. Your Junior is a great joy to you and a comfort. I understand.
I'd be a basket case if I didn't have my babies (dogs and cats).

My husband is no saint. He has his flaws. For example: he does not work, has not worked in 5 years. hasn't looked for work. Anything is just good enough. He hates this town so much... eventhough he grew up here... he won't/can't work here. Of course, the only jobs here are gas stations, fast food, dollar store, etc... where they wouldn't hire him anyway. He DOES computer work freelance, so he's not completely financially deadbeat. He does NOT spend money haphazardly. He is NOT social. he doesn't like to go out, unless we're going to the park alone or to the store. He doesn't go to the free concerts and karaoke events in town. He wouldn't go to our town's annual harvest fest type event. He doesn't want to run into anyone he grew up with. I don't know if he is embarrassed because he has gained so much weight since high school, or because he just doesn't like these people anymore. but we have NO social life. He doesn't participate in family activities. I take care of Joe, HIS brother. he does drive his sister to the store or doctor when she needs to go, but he prefers to stay in car. I am the one going next door to visit.

I miss being social. I take my nieces and daughter when she's in to the music and karaoke events. I love karaoke! I like people. I need people. I don't care if they are strangers, I'm not shy. I'm extremely outgoing.

He doesn't like crowds, he hates the mall, unless it's one of those times when its practically vacated. He likes walmart in the middle of the night. We don't go out. We didn't go out much when we had income. I mean out to places where there would be PEOPLE. I really miss people. He doesn't go to my parents with me, he doesn't go to events at the college where my daughter attends. He doesn't mind MY going to these things. He doesn't say I can't go, or even hint that he doesn't want me to. He's ok if I go. But sometimes, ok, most of the time, I want to enjoy these things TOGETHER.

He has serious carpal tunnel in both hands. He has severe nerve damage in his arms and legs due to a back injury from years ago. He can't really work, not a "regular" job. He can't hold a coffee cup for more than a minute.

My parents don't like him because of the jobless situation AND because he's FAT! and he is...He's my teddy bear. He weighs around 320 lbs. He's only 5'8". He was a star football player in highschool and all the bulk used to be muscle. He was injured playing football. He is extremely intelligent, but didn't/couldn't go to college because he was the only one of 11 children that would stay home and take care of his dying mother. He lost a college football scholarship due to the injury. We can't afford for him to go now, but we are looking for grants/scholarships/work study programs.

He has almost NO temper. His fuse must be really long, because I have only seen him angry twice in five years. Never at me, no matter what kind of crap I put him thru. His anger amounted in a raised voice, and a fist slammed into a wall. The wall wasn't anywhere near the person he was mad at. I live with NO violence, finally. The only times he has ever raised his voice to me, was just to be heard over my ranting and raging. He would rather talk out a problem than sulk about it, like most men I know. He can see both sides of a situation.

He is not religious, doesn't want to go to church. I want to, but with him. He pretends to dislike our cats and dogs, then snuggle up to them when he thinks I'm not looking. He says he's frustrated with my daughter, who is schzophrenic, a freshman in college, a contant story-teller, who blows everything out of proportion, but he hugs her and helps her with her computer. He plays basketball with her. He puts his arm around her while watching a movie together.

He's never been controlling about the money. Never buys anything without discussing it first, and I mean anything, like motor oil or gas. He doesn't get stuff for himself at the grocery store. I can't have cookies, ice cream, etc unless they are low carb or sugar free. I am the one that throws the stuff he likes in the buggy for him.

He takes out the trash without being asked. He does dishes, except the glass ones that he may drop. He cooks, he cleans, he feeds the cats and dogs. He takes care of the car and the computers. He finds me my favorite movies and tv shows.

and HE LOVES ME...HE LOVES ME... no matter what I do, and I've done it...no matter what I say, and I've said some pretty bad stuff... HE LOVES ME. No mater how I look....and I don't care for make up or hair care products when I'm not going anywhere....how I dress... mostly shorts and T's now....HE LOVES ME... I don't EVER have to worry about him leaving, he makes me feel like I'm the one that's holding HIM together. I don't ever feel panic or paranoid with him. I can tell him ANYTHING. I even told him that I was attracked to someone else..made him leave...dated this other guy....this was a before we got married.....and he didn't get jealous ( didn't let me know he was jealous) or upset or angry.... HE JUST LOVED ME....and waited....for three months....I came to my senses..... He's never brought it up, never asked questions about it.... JUST LOVED ME. HE WAS HERE....LOVING ME...and that is all that should matter.

My parents don't see it, but they've never acknowledged that I am borderline. All they see is that he doesn't work and that he is fat. His family sees it though. None of their husbands or ex husbands hug them for no reason. Or hold their hands... or kiss them out of nowhere....After five years he is still affectionate. He is still attracted to me Still grabs my... well you fill in the blank... when I walk by him....He never disrespects me, in private or in public.

As you can see, I could write all day about my husband, but I won't. I guess my point is, that you two seem the same way about your men. Always concerned about how THEY feel....

that's all for now..
Nakita,

That is WONDERFUL news about your approvals to go ahead with your medical appointments! :bouncing: That had to absolutely make your day. I'm very happy to hear that you'll be able to continue getting the care you're needing and through the doctors that YOU choose.

With regard to your note to Rose, I often wonder if I'm opening up any wounds with you as well and certainly hope you realize that is never, ever my intent. It has been so helpful and COMFORTING to talk to you. Your answers are always so honest and clear - sure helps me sort a lot out that spins around in my head 24/7. You and Rose have become my life-line's without a doubt. :) A week into this 'silence' period with my husband, I quit picking up the workbook. I hate not finishing things so I will probably put my nose inside of it tonight after I mow the backyard. :)

I'm so sorry to hear about the trouble your son has gotten into but agree with you on how you handled it by not getting him out of jail. I know that had to be a VERY hard decision for you as his mother. I feel so bad at the lousy 'reception' you had from him, too. You deserved better than that. While it's true that you didn't coddle him through the problem, you were nonetheless THERE and that deserves acknowledgement. Isn't it funny how friends can be treated better than family?! Oooohhh, is that ever a sore spot with me, Nakita. It certainly does hurt, doesn't it? He'll learn one day...when the friends are no longer there because they've got other commitments, etc. It's crystal clear to me that you are the ROCK in your family. One day those who fail to see it right now will come to realize the sacrifices you have made in order to help them. Just seems like that takes forever sometimes, huh? I'm like you - I don't expect anyone to grovel at my feet whenever I do something for them, just common courtesy and the respect of acknowledgement are enough of a thank you for me.

You mentioned that you like to crochet. Sure wish I could see you because I've got a TON of yarn that needs a good home. LOL My husband used to tease me about doing things like that or how I did it, so I sort of put it all off to the side. Then I got into this primitive rug hooking thing with his friend's girlfriend and just love it because it's even easier than crocheting. LOL It's not an inexpensive hobby, but I just by my materials as I need them and that seems to work out OK for my wallet. LOL

I hope you saw my other post about your thrush issue and my mom's suggested remedy. If not, take a look at it.

So far, I've been coping as well as can be expected in spite of no response to my letter. I'm not sure exactly what to make of it. I'd expected the raging phone call & so far it hasn't come, which is a relief...yet I'm still a bundle of nerves thinking it's bound to come sooner or later. Either way, he would need to contact me to either tell me to get lost & proceed with the dissolution or to just accuse me of attacking him unfairly, etc. I'm getting nothing at all...and I don't know what to make of it. It hurts yet it's a relief, know what I mean? I did close my letter to him with the following, which I hope reassured him as I know BPD's need:

"I'm serious when I tell you that you have very wonderful qualities & Iím serious when I tell you that I love you with all my heart and care about you! Yet you do not seem to recognize it, appreciate it or place any value on it. Thatís the perception I have. I wish you would nurture those wonderful qualities instead of drowning them in your anger. Do not think for one minute that I have abandoned you. Nor am I just sitting here holding a grudge as you may also be thinking. I simply do not feel as though you want me there. I am hurt, and I am bewildered. I donít feel that you want me around; that is the message I received the last time I saw you. You said you just wanted some time to yourself, and you have not contacted me since.

I've put a lot of time, thought and, above all else, my heart into this letter. Itís to tell you that you are loved and cared for. I hope you get something out of it. It's not meant to make you angry, it's meant to make you think."

So I'm hoping my final 2 paragraphs were OK and didn't push him the other way. Do you think I did OK here?

Well, I'll jump online later tonight. I still need to mow the backyard and maybe I'll take my chubby Stu for a much-needed brisk walk around the block. Hope you're having a terrific day with that great news this morning! I will talk to you later.

Lori
Hello Girls: :)

I certainly enjoy all the praise I get from you both, THANK YOU :angel: Wish you both lived near enough to me that we could get together. I've never had supportive female friends before and really appreciate it.

Lori: I'd be taking that yarn off your hands if I had the chance. I need to start working on Christmas projects.

Your last two paragraphs, had they been written to ME by my last ex, would have not seemed threatening, nor would they anger me. They would have opened my eyes to what I was doing to him. But, my ex didn't care enough or wasn't strong enough, and even admitted that he strayed because HE couldn't handle my BPD. (Isn't that a strange way of stating it was MY fault he had to sleep with MY friend, in MY bed?)

You also let him know that you are open to contact from him. He knows how to reach you, yet he has not. I would take that as he needs more time, OR he's holding back (which would be impossible for me) to see if you will break with your NEED to see him. ME? I used to take a hold of ANY lifeline that is thrown to me, from almost anyone. Sometimes got me in bad situations, but I used to prefer ANY attention, even BAD attention, to NO attention at all.

Since I can't speak for ALL borderlines, only myself, I can only go on how I would feel in that situation or how other borderlines that I know would feel.

But YOU DID GREAT :) :)

I made my appointment today with the PDoc that I saw when my last marriage broke up. I told them, of course, that my name had changed since I got married again, and they set my appt for Oct 13. That's pretty good timing. I figured since this is the doctor that diagnosed me as bi-polar, and agreed with my previous diagnosis of BPD, he would be a good one to see for diability.

Seeing the neurologist I used to see is another matter. She now only specialized in people with MD/MS. I did leave her a message since I was her patient for over 8 years, that I would be very comfortable seeing her for this evaluation. I hope that she will see me, if not, recommend someone who will.

Well, my life today was kinda interesting. I called the middle school where my younger niece goes and spoke to her English teacher. He was very nice and helpful. I explained that I am the family "mouth", and her mother has confrontation issues, even when they are pleasant, like this one was. He and I worked on a plan for her, such as a smaller group, around 10, in a setting to enable my niece to receive more attention from a teacher. She's not quite special ed or learning disabled, as they qualify it, but there are several other kids who are in between like she is. I hope this works for her. Her mother was very happy.

Then, my niece's puppy got into some anti-freez sometime last night, and after some horrible pain and suffering, he died this afternoon. School at let out early here, so she was there when the pup died. It's brother and sister are find. They are only 8 weeks old. O did I forget to mention that I am the family Vet Tech? I have a stethoscope, and have had many pets, know lots of home remedies, but mostly look stuff up on line. So EVERYONE calls for me when they have a problem with a pet... I don't do snakes! ;)

That's about it for now.

Have a good weekend...





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