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[QUOTE=Pri Lily;3449074]Hi.....

I have the same problem as you Rosequartz...

My boyfriends and husband have been some combination of bi-polar, depressed, anxious, or borderline....that is my diagnosis.

I am attracted to what I know.

It can come with a different wrapping, but when you remove all the paper, the package is similar to me.

People put on a "front" when meeting someone new. Men that I thought were really confident....turned out to be anxious, and insecure.

If it looks too good to be true, it usually is.

I may stay single too.....


Lil[/QUOTE]
Hi Lil, thanks for replying

are you suggesting that I may have some of these same disorders? I was very surprised when HurtininHouston came on initially posting about her partners BPD, then turns out she's convinced that she has it too. I'm positive that I'm not bi-polar, BPD, PTSD or NPD.
The one thing that I WILL admit to is that I have OCD.......

I don't think I'm attracted to what I know, I think it used to stem from being co-dependent and trying to help people. I have struggled with co-dependency and now that I am aware of it I have had to make myself more selfish (if that makes any sense), just so i meet my needs and not always everyone elses. In fact I think the only way I can NOT be codependent is to not be in a relationship......does that make any sense?
:angel:
[QUOTE]

are you suggesting that I may have some of these same disorders? I was very surprised when HurtininHouston came on initially posting about her partners BPD, then turns out she's convinced that she has it too. I'm positive that I'm not bi-polar, BPD, PTSD or NPD.
The one thing that I WILL admit to is that I have OCD.......

I don't think I'm attracted to what I know, I think it used to stem from being co-dependent and trying to help people. I have struggled with co-dependency and now that I am aware of it I have had to make myself more selfish (if that makes any sense), just so i meet my needs and not always everyone elses. In fact I think the only way I can NOT be codependent is to not be in a relationship......does that make any sense?
:angel:[/QUOTE]

Hi Rosequartz.....

I wasn't suggesting that you have any disorders, I was talking about my own experience.

I always end up with what I know, no matter how different it looks at first.

I am also a very "solution" oriented person, so when I see someone that's having problems, I want to help them...some people turn and run...not me...the bigger the problems, the better.

Not being in a relationship, maybe being the best thing was what I was referring to....

Sorry for the confusion...

Lil
maybe it's what I "know" in terms of partners, and not what I know in terms of myself. I know what you mean about being alone sometimes is best, so much less stress to deal with! I just thought maybe you thought I exhibited some characteristics of something when you were drawing the parallel, and I am open to your suggestions, as I respect your opinion.
Sometimes I would wonder if I was turning narcississtic as a polar opposite to defy co-dependency. I asked a friend and he said definately not and that made me feel better, but like I said I have had to conciously make an effort to become selfish, otherwise I get too drained by other people.
I used to always be that person who was up to solving a problem, other peoples problems. I realize now that's a symptom of co-dependency. I used to always try to save people, to help people. I'm done with that now. I don't want to take on a project. I'm almost to the point where I don't want to let anyone into my life and I don't want to get involved in anyone elses.
Here's a perfect example....the short relationship with the guy who had PTSD....I was absolutely nuts about this guy and still think about him regularly. It was a very short relationship. We met on-line, really clicked on many different levels. I felt like we really connected. He was very troubled due to terrible abuse from his childhood. He recounted this terror to me. I didn't push him to talk about it. I guess he felt like he could trust me enough to talk about it......and I felt honored and special that he was able to confide in me. We had a date set up and he was really excited about seeing me and then I didn't hear from him. I called, left messages, called the morgue, drove by his house, etc. About 2 weeks later after I couldn't figure out what happened, he called from the psych ward at the hospital......he had tried to kill himself. Not because of anything to do with me......but indirectly it was.....talking to me had dreged up all kinds of bad stuff for him. I didn't elicit this information from him, I let him talk......and that's the outcome. I went and saw him there a few times and wrote him a long letter telling him that I believed in him and I would stick by him and help him through his bad times, etc.....you get the gist......well his counsellor said relationships at this point are not a good idea, and I can understand that....he said he needed to be selfish, ok I understand but was still willing to stand by him. He didn't want to drag me along for the journey although I was willing to go.
To this day I worry about him, wonder what happened to him, hope he's ok and check the obitiuaries regularly. So far he hasn't shown up in them, and that's a good thing. BTW I'm so sorry about not using paragraphs, I know it's a little late for that now....
But anyway my point is, that these types of souls keep finding their way to me, and after reflecting on what COULD have happened, just because someone talked to me, I got scared and almost don't want to affect anyone else's life in a way that could turn out negatively.
After that relationship I found myself with the BPD guy and since then (2 years) I've had no desire to look for another relationship and don't know if/when I ever will......
Thanks for listening.....
:angel:
[QUOTE=Sannah;3450401]II didn't realize that this thread is over 2 1/2 years old! I have read your posts since I have been a member and I always remember you saying that you dated a guy like that, etc. I have been thinking today also that you are probably the only person on here that I have known since I have been here and I don't know anything about you! Do you not like to talk about yourself?

I think that you are correct that you deserve better than what you have been finding but I think it is because you have been dredging the bottom. These men aren't unattractive because they have mental/emotional problems. Geez, I had my share of mental/emotional problems and my husband still chose me. They are not good for you because they aren't available to you or they aren't working on their issues. The issues alone do not make them unattractive. So if you have decided to stop dredging the bottom then it seems like you have closed the book?

I really think that people create their lives. I sure did. If I would have chosen to wait for my life to come to me I would still be waiting. This is why imagining good things is important in my opinion. You create this good stuff.[/QUOTE]

LOL it's not that I don't like talking about myself......it's not like I go out of my way to either. I have talked about myself quite a bit regarding the relationship with the BPD guy, most of that is on the personality disorders board......probably a number of pages down by now! I guess when I post to someone elses problem, i try to keep it short and sweet. I'll answer whatever you want to know, just ask.....
maybe I have been dredging the bottom, and yes I've pretty much closed the book. I agree they're not unattractive because of their problems, but they are unattractive because they aren't working on them.....either way, it stems from the same source.....their problems. If they didn't have the problems, there would be no need to work on them. In some ways I feel like I am so intuitive, psychic, that I can see what they're all about early......I know what type of person they are. I can look at a person and just know certain things......Maybe that's just wisdom that comes with age.....I don't know. I'm not waiting for my life to come to me, I'm just not going out of my way to look for aggrivation or bring more stress into my life.
:angel:
[QUOTE=Sannah;3452327]That's really it. The person I followed here was explaining BPD really well and I was just curious in learning about it because it seems to cause a lot of problems for them.[/QUOTE]


yes I originally started coming here to get info regarding the boyfriend I was with who had BPD.....well that relationship ended a couple years ago and I've still stuck around......





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