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Please, please listen to are now starting to sound just like your ex, and I am very concerned that he seems to have succeeded in brainwashing you into thinking exactly what he wants you to think, that everything would be perfect between you if you hadn't dated the other guy. But honestly, that's complete and utter nonsense. Your ex is deeply disturbed, controlling, and emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive toward you...he's convinced you that his warped, deluded, and screwed up way of thinking is actually reality when it couldn't be further from the truth. You HAVE to let go, you HAVE to stop calling him, and you HAVE to accept that you did your best and stop obsessing over this mistake if you ever want to be happy. Your ex wanted to leave you long before you dated the other guy--did you forget that he tried to dump you for going to your ex's father's funeral, because you dated an older man before him and he told you he and his family were too shamed by this for you to stay together, and he also dumped you after invading your privacy and reading your journals because he didn't approve of choice you'd made in the past? He's really screwed up and deluded, and you would never be happy or content with him, no matter how much he tries to brainwash you into thinking everything would be perfect if only you hadn't made such a horrible, unforgivable mistake :rolleyes: of trying to move on with the other guy. I'm not trying to be mean, but I don't know how to be any clearer than this: you HAVE got to stop thinking in the way he's brainwashed you to think and start facing reality. If you don't, you will always believe his deluded nonsense that he was a great guy, a great boyfriend, that he made you happy, and that everything would be wonderful if you were still together. If anything, he's more screwed up and deranged in his head now than ever before, and your life would be a living hell if you were still subject to his constant mental torture and abuse. I am not exaggerating; you need to let go of him once and for all, or you will be just as deluded and miserable as he is. I would hate to see this one relationship ruin the rest of your life and leave you miserable and desperately hoping against hope to get back an abusive jerk who has brainwashed you and moved on without you.

I am pasting a post I wrote on one of your past threads in the hopes that it helps you see just how warped he's made your view of this whole situation...he's nothing but bad news for you, and he will cause you nothing but pain and misery as long as you allow him to overshadow and influence your life. This guy would never make you content or feel good about yourself--he's really screwed up, toxic, and poisonous for you, and you really need to accept this reality and shake off the delusions he's unfortunately succeeded in brainwashing you into believing. Please, please stop believing his warped lies and abusive manipulations before he succeeds in making the rest of your life miserable because you erroneously think you'd be happier with him than without him...ok, here is my post from before:

Hi Cinting,
Hiya's advice is absolutely right-on...she is extremely wise and unfortunately has learned the lessons she shared with you through painful life experience. Please, please believe what she is saying and take her advice--she knows what she is talking about and wants to save you from learning what she is telling you the hard way. Your BF has already taken a terrible toll on your self-esteem, and your friends here are very frightened to see what will happen to you if you stay with him and allow him to continue wearing you down the way he has been for so long. Please think about how he has brainwashed you into believing that everything you've struggled through with him is entirely your fault and that you must take all the blame for your past problems.

I vaguely remembered some of your past posts about him breaking up with you because you went to your ex's father's funeral, so I read your old threads and was quite alarmed to see the extent to which he has succeeded in manipulating you and wearing you down into seeing things his way. It's very sad to see how much he has managed to erode your self-esteem and convince you that you will never love anyone else nor find anyone who will want you or treat you better than he does. I can't urge you strongly enough to reread your old posts and try to think about what you've said as objectively as possible...what advice would you give me if I was going through the same things? What would you advise your sister to do if she was the one dating your ex?

You say there is a good chance that he has changed, but honey, he is doing the same thing he's always done: manipulating you into believing that all his problems and the problems in the relationship are your fault. But that's so untrue!! He is the one who is responsible for the issues you've had--he clearly is struggling with serious insecurities and a need to control everything and everyone around him. He keeps mentally abusing you, trying to make you feel terrible and worthless and guilty and not worthy of his love because of things you've done in the past which have absolutely nothing to do with him. Men like this, who only feel happy when they are making their girlfriends feel horrible and ripping their self-esteem to shreds, never change and never stop mistreating the women they claim to love. He is am extremely controlling, manipulative man who has subjected you to continuous emotional/psychological/mental abuse, which has destroyed your self-worth and ability to see your relationship clearly. He's managed to convince you that EVERYTHING is entirely your fault, when in reality they have almost entirely stemmed from his irrational insecurity and jealousy, which has manifested itself in his need to hold your past against you and make you feel guilty about it whenever possible.

Please think about everything he's put you through and realize that he is a toxic influence on your life. You really need to use what is left of your self-esteem and escape his grasp once and for all if you are to feel good about yourself ever again, because he wants you to be as miserable and submissive as possible. He's constantly criticizing you and your past, which you have no power to change, and seizing on the silliest, most trivial excuses to leave you and force you to beg him to come back. Please, please reconsider whether this is a healthy relationship considering everything he's done--he read your journals and dumped you, he's tried to make you feel guilty and ashamed over and over for dating an older man before you knew him, told you to leave him because he won't even consider your desire to have a baby, dumped you for going to your ex's dad's funeral, refused to consider reconciling with you UNTIL you started dating another man who (unlike him) treated you with dignity and respect, insists you are horrible for dating someone during a breakup when in reality, and he's lied to you repeatedly about dating another woman during a breakup. He did the EXACT same thing he is now insisting is completely unforgivable for you to have done--that's cruel, manipulative, and extremely hypocritical. Please think back to all the sadness and frustration he's caused you...this man has had a very negative impact on your life and your self-image, and even though I realize it will be extremely difficult, leaving him once and for all will be the best possible move you can make. The longer you allow him to manipulate your thinking, the less self-esteem and strength you will have to put your life back together when he eventually tires of toying with you and vanishes. I would hate to see that happen to such a smart, sweet woman as yourself...please leave him now and never look back!

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