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hi i have a huge problem and i really need advice from anyone who can help...

i have been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years and just lately we havent been getting on very well at all on we had a big fight and kind of split up and i kisseed someone else(it didnt mean anything) now we are back together and through some strange situation (its far too long ot explain!) i have to tell him now otherwise someone else is going to tell him, i am going to see him in 3 days and i dont know what to say to him, i really need some advice.....please...

before this happened i was thinking i actualy wanted to break up with him but now that i know it probably isnt my decision anymore because he is going to break up with me as soon as he finds out about this,it has made me realise just how much i really do love him,i cant imagine what i would do without him, he means so much to me and i am truly sorry for what i did.
Just to give a bit of background he cheated on me before, (twice that i know of) and he actually slept with another person and although it really upset me we are still together,

Basically i just want to know what you all think i should say to him?
how should i approach this?

what do you think his reaction will be?
obviusley he will be really upset,but i am wondering should i remind him that he cheated on me before and that what he did wasnt [B]just[/B] a kiss and i took him back??

Thankyou all in advance for any advice you have for me, i am at my witts end here...i really need ANYONES opinion..
[QUOTE=tamsynn]hi ruth 6:11

we had a fight and then i presumed we had split up and i was drunk and kissed another man.
He called me a couple of days later and we made up, it was cheating, i kissed another man,

i have to tell him now and i am afraid he is going to end our relationship..this whole mess has made me see how very much i do love him...more than anything in fact.

i know he loves me i just dont know if he will be able to forgive me for this....god ihope he can i dont know what i would do without him........we have so many plans and i want him to be part of my life forever....

i am 21 by the way and i know you will probably say i will have plenty of relationships as i grow up but i want this one more than anything..

i have never cheated on him before and never will again, do you think he will be able to see how truly sorry i am?

i am just so worried about how he will react....[/QUOTE]
Why do you have to tell him? You weren't together so it's really none of his business.
You want him back? I don't know why, he's a cheater, but if you do, you need to back way off this relationship. You need time to clear your head and HE needs to be afraid he might lose YOU! It is HIS behavior that is causing the problems here. If you grovel and beg his forgiveness it will.
a) destroy your self-respect
b) give him a ready made excuse to cheat on you again
c) let him know he has you 100% and he can treat you ANY way he wants to because you don't place any value on yourself.
You said earlier that you were thinking you wanted to break up with him before you realized he may want to break up with you.
Did you ever consider that maybe you don't REALLY want HIM, you just don't want to be broken up with, by him, first. So, you do the breaking. This one really needs to learn a lesson.
Also, you do need to pay attention to that kiss. Drunk or not, you did it for a reason. You may love the cheater, but clearly he's not meeting your needs.
Tamsynn, Maybe it"s time to find out why both of you feel the need to turn to another person outside the relationship for some affection or attention whenever either of you argue and have a "breakup".
Instead of debating about how bad a kiss is, take a look at your own behavior and think about why you needed affection from another man if you just broke up but still have feelings of love (alcohol isn"t an excuse).
Was it payback? Low self-esteem? A free pass because your BF cheated on you? Over time you will answer these questions.
As for the future, If one cheats on another, you either can move on (with no free pass), or end the relationship. When you chose to remain, you needed to move on with forgiveness. Anyone who tells you that it"s o.k. because you were cheated on is missing the point. When does this behavior stop? Now is it his turn? What about the guy that was kissed or the girl your BF had sex with? Maybe they got hurt or felt used.
If you both are really in love with one another, the last thing on your minds if their is a breakup, should be affection from one another. Many people use a breakup as a reason to jump into bed or have some other affection with another so quickly the tears are not dry yet. Maybe a previous poster was right when saying "this sounds like lust not love".
Time will tell. Good Luck.
i dont think this kiss should be what put your relationship into prospective. Because honestly it didnt make him think twice about the relationship knowing he's cheated twice. It hasnt opened his eyes to see "wow i really need my g/f she means everything to me" instead he did it twice w/out telling you tamsynn.

I really think the two of you are on different pages in this 'relationship'

By the way have you told him yet?





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