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Relationship Health Message Board


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First of all, women who are experienced with online dating and have lots of men interested in them are not going to give you a second thought if you don't have the balls to put up a picture. We are taking a risk by showing everyone what we look like--why should we be at all interested in a man who isn't willing to put himself out there as well, especially when we are getting so much attention and interest from attractive men who aren't too wimpy to post a picture? I don't mean to be harsh, but that's undoubtedly why you haven't received much interest thus far except from a woman who is also not willing to post a picture (which probably means she is either very overweight, unattractive, or lying about her age). Anyway, why won't you put up a picture? Even if you're not good looking, it's only a matter of time before a woman sees you if you want to have a relationship in person, so why not let women who aren't attracted to you realize that off the bat without wasting either of your time on someone who won't be interested once she meets you in person?

Anyway, it's just an absolutely terrible idea to do online dating without posting a picture--you might as well not bother if you're unwilling to post a picture for whatever reason. I highly doubt you'd have any success or meet any women you'd actually be interested in if you aren't willing to take that risk. As I said, attractive women are highly in demand on online dating sites, and they are regularly inundated with messages from desirable men who have nothing to hide when it comes to their pictures...I'd say I get 5-10 emails per day, and maybe one of those have no picture. I've never even wasted my time checking out their profiles because I can't understand why a man who wasn't cowardly or had something about his appearance he was trying to hide wouldn't just post a picture. I doubt any other women who are in demand waste any time checking out such profiles either, though maybe some women here will disagree? I don't think you're necessarily being too eager though...in my experience, it's pretty normal to exchange phone numbers and set up a meeting in person if both people get along after sending about half a dozen emails back and forth. I certainly wouldn't be at all turned off or think a guy was overeager if he asked me for my number and/or to meet after exchanging a few emails, so I wouldn't worry about that. As far as responses, I'm sure that very few women will respond as long as you don't have a picture, and the few who do probably don't have any other men interested in them (I'm assuming the one who did respond also doesn't have a picture, so I doubt other men have expressed interest in her). As in real life dating, with online dating men definitely do most of the pursuing and probably don't hear back from quite a few women they contact. Especially if the woman is young, attractive, and has an appealing profile, she can usually just sit back, wait for men to email her, and be selective about responding to only those men she finds desirable and promising. So men are definitely at a disadvantage when it comes to having to make the first move and not always get the response they hope for, particularly when they go after very attractive women who have their pick of male prospects. I think you'll have the most satisfying experience with online dating if you add at least one flattering photo and frequently search for new profiles in your area...keep sending emails to any women who interest you, because it's definitely a numbers game, and you should figure you'll send out 3-5 emails for every one response you get, and you'll need to send out even more emails to ensure you keep in contact and eventually get to meet a woman you like.

That said, while it's a lot easier to online date as a woman (especially a young, attractive woman), I think it's well worth the risk and effort...there are a lot of great people on those sites, and as long as you stay positive and don't take rejection personally (half the time it has nothing to do with you, for all you know the woman isn't a paying member and can't respond or has started dating someone exclusively but hasn't removed her profile, yet another reason to search regularly for new members and stick to women who log in frequently), I'm sure you will be very pleased with your online dating experience. It sounds like you might also benefit from a book about online dating--there are many helpful guides available at bookstores--and from experimenting with different sites until you find one that's to your liking. I can't urge you enough to avoid free sites and especially to steer far clear of eharmony, which is just a terrible site filled with unattractive, undesirable people and doesn't allow you to run your own searches or find out much factual information about potential dates.





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