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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Rita,

I understand wholeheartedly the pain and rejection that you feel by someone that you admire and love so deeply that it hurts. My husband and I have been through so much and still are going through things BUT we sat down in all of our pain and hurt and resentment and promised ourselves and each other that we were going to continuously work to make the relationship whole and healthy again. We are STILL working on it. I am NOT going to sit her and tell you that "it will get better" because it won't...not unless you cry the tears and put in the work that it is going to take to not get over your pain-but confront it, articulate it, accept it, and deal with it. I do not think that we ever get past the pain, however, I think that you are human just like me and with time, effort and love will be able to work through the resentment and not find the love (because it IS still there) but rediscover it. We women are very emotional creatures. Men are wired differently and it takes extra compassion, understanding and deliberate consciousness to understand our feelings. It sounds as though your husband has a genuine desire to make you understand that he is sorry for his hurting you. He is taking extra care to do things that he knows you enjoy. He is still connected to you and your emotions. TALK TO HIM! AND DON'T STOP TALKING TO HIM. If you shut down, there is no hope. You must communicate to him your feelings. If you are not impressed by his actions to "heal" your pain, tell him-but be able to explain to him why. If it is going to take years for you to come to terms with your hurt-tell him. After all, you all have an eternity together:) Rita, I personally do not believe in divorce (personal opinion-no judgement whatsoever). It is alright to feel the way you do. I have been so disgusted by my husband that I felt like vomitting when he touched me.

Talk to him-PLEASE! Your marriage IS worth fighting for...lovey feelings come and go but true love is able to sustain anything. I know that sounds cheesy.

I am here if you need to talk. K?





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