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[QUOTE=Rita05]Reace, thanks for your warm reply, I felt tearful when you said fight for the spark, cause I really lov[B]ed[/B] him once wholeheartedly. The spark has gone not because of familiarity, but because of deep deep sharp and unpredicted hurt that is taking ages to heal, and I just feel numb. Maybe it is the depression . I experienced the pain of being put down the closest person to me when i treasured him and trusted him the most !
He noticed the change in my personality, and I think that he feels guilty inside of him. He suggests things like taking me out to buy exotic fish tanks :) something that I really loved doing, he bought me tickets to see the biggest horse race in the country and booked a fantastic classical room in guest house in a lovely village. So I know that he's trying his best. Last night he pulled me so close to him in bed and kept his arms tight around me. I felt very warm but not even able on this occasion to reciprocate (although we still have wild sex).

((((((((Reace))))))) Thanks a million...[/QUOTE]

Sounds so familer, for years I did not respect my marriage or do anything to really help it out. When I got sick and thought i was going to die then it all came to me what a jerk I had been. I wrote my wife a letter and said I was sorry for everything and ment every word of it. Well it was to late. The affair was well on its way to starting. But I have to say one thing about my wife, she saw this man 1 time then seperated from me. She could of kept it going because I was so lost in myself that I would of never known.

So her I sit, the affair is over, my wife got really hurt by this fool. Shes having a mid life crisis and all that goes along with that. But I know that she still loves me, she would have never let me back in teh house or would see me now if she did not. But the in love part is gone. I can forgive the affair, thats easy. I know where and why she did it.

Its just this I cant give you more then this (what she says) that I cant stand. We can go out to the movies, watch TV, hell we went to a strip club the other day and had a blast. First time we ever did something like that. But its just not what I need, I need her love and I hope someday soon ill get that back.

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