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i'm one of those finished last guys, mainly because i never cheated on any of my X's, i think i'm a good looking guy, i'm 6'0 260, nice body.

one of my x's cheated on me with my dad :eek: ..............don't worry i hated him long before he did that and she was a **** anyway, i don't loose any sleep over it.

now my current girlfriend/wife i (loved and thusted) with all my heart, i was in love before but with her i had no secrets, i didn't lie even though i wanted to, i completely let my guard down,i felt like she was my female twin, and when my mom died she was the only one ther for me, i almost killed myself, and she stuck by me as i lost 50lbs, and anything i ate i trew up.

then after a while i used to catch her on the phone and would hang up when i asked who it was, eventually she told me that it was her X, she said that they were still friends but she would never get back with him even if we broke up, because he was a player and he proberly had aids or something, and me being in love believed her :confused:

that was all fine because i have alot of female friends that are just friends, so i said if you're gonna be talking to him so often i wanna meet him, and she said no, so i asked to talk to him the next time he called or she called him, she said that he does'nt call and she don't call him that often, so i said whatever, i don't have a problem with it i just want to at least hear his voice, and say hi, maybe thank him for messing up.

as time went by i got really impatient as she would still talk to him and not let me know(i'm not controlling or jelous) but you should see where i'm comming from, now she asked me why do i want to talk to him or meet him when i don't even know him, so i calmly said because he is your friend or what ever he is, she said i could stop because she's gonna stop talking to him.

then i find out that he is sending messages with her cousin that he wants to get back together, now i started to get really mad and i felt like an *** for putting myself out there and opening up the way i did.

so we had a huge argument, i mean neighbours down the block heard us, and i had a troubled childhood, my dad used treat my mom like ****,but he never hit her, but i know he wanted to, anyway the argument was 3-4hours long, and i personally didn't trust her anymore, and i have a hard time trusting people.

so i became distant and started hanging out with a friend, he used to take me all over to try and cheer me up, i started drinking alot, and just thinking i didn't want to be like my dad, so being out and drinking helped alot, and for my birthday he got me an escort, really sexy brazilian chick, i was really happy, i think that was the best HALF blow job i ever got, i stoped her because i felt like i was cheating on my girlfriend, and i felt a little like my dad whom i hate( it was the most painfull thing i ever did in my life) i had blue balls for a while.

because of that i was called gay, stupid, ******* all the names in the book, but i felt good, and it made me see that i love this girl, and all the arguments went out the window, and i pleaded with her to stop the fighting and let's just love eachother, and so we did, and a couple months later we got married.

but one day i can't remember what we were talking about, but her X came up and i told her that he wanted her back even though she was still with me, he proberly wantes a botty call, and i laughed, and she said he's not gonna get another one, by now you know my reaction, but i thought it was a tastless joke, she said that her heart was heavy and she wanted to be honest with me, she said it was going on for about a week, the week when i was drinking like crazy AND TURNING DOWN BLOW JOBS AND SEX, then it hit me that i did'nt have anything as special as i thought i had, and i seriously got depressed angry and and had alot of hate bottled up.

now i just feel like i'm in a marrage with someone i love, but i hate her also, and i cannot figure out which emotion is higher than the other,the way i saw her i don't anymore, the little things i used to do for her i cannot do them anymore.

a friend told me it hurts so bad because i did'nt cheat on her when i had a million chances, and it's regret not pain.

is anyone in this situation, i think i just want to hear from someone with an outside view, i was told that it's my fault by some of her family.

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