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I decided not to respond. I feel strange doing it maybe because usually I would always be there ready whenever he contacted me but in the end I was always hurt. I guess this last time when he changed his mind again, I realised that I no longer want to fight for this kind of relationship. It did not give me any happiness over the last few months. He even told me that he slept with 3 different girls. I know that after the break-up I had no right to blame him because he is not my boyfriend anymore but I was here still waiting and hoping and missing him but when he told me last time that he had another girl in his bed, something has changed inside me. He kept telling me that these girls meant ntohing and that it was when he was drunk and he did not care for them and it was just to prove to himself that he can get a girl but I think I realised that I really do deserve better. I managed to walk away in a peaceful and loving way despite all this and I think one more answer from me could again change everything. I'd like to keep it this way. He even told me that him and his friend are flying to Madrid in Spain to celebrate New Year when last year he was celebrating the end of the year with me in my country in my parents house. To be honest, I wish him all the fun but I do not wish to know what he is doing when he is not with me. He can have fun as much as he want with different girls but I have suffered too much and I think this is too destructive for me. I am going to celebrate New Year with my mum here at home. I think this year was so painful for me and my family as they have their own problems, I feel like I want to be silent and in peace. I guess it's my way of moving on and forgetting... It's very hard but the guy I thought I love the most is pursuing other girls and I think it was not fair of him to ask me to wait for him or to make me feel guilty because I asked for no contact. I am sorry if I sound really negative and down but I really need to talk to someone who will understand me and I feel that people on this board know what I am talking about. I guess I feel disappointed. It's nice of him to send me Xmas wishes but I guess it's not enough anymore for me to forget all the pain and hurt and disappointment in order to reply...

I just want to add that I never thought I will be able to separate myself from HIM. I think some of you remember my sad story. It's very sad and disappointing but I did what's best for me I guess. for the first time I thought with my head against my feelings and my heart.

And StormGirl thank you so much for your understanding! You are right! I think I am looking for validation and approval! Thank you so much. You made me feel so much better!!





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