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I really appreciate your replies. I know I haven't been here for some time. I thank you for your support in this difficult situation. A lot has happened since. HE decided that the distance between us is making things complicated because he would like to see his girlfriend whenever he wants to and not when he is able to book his flight once a month. I was too upset and too hurt about it all. I felt that he was at first thinking with his heart and his emotions and then as if he has woken up and thought with his brain and realised that it's too difficult. I was so hurt though because at first it seemed that we could meet and try again but then he pulled back again and it's not the first time he did this.

anyway, we spoke on msn about it and he told me that he has so much feelings for me and I am the girl he wants but it's too difficult. I said to him that unfortunately in this case I must say good bye to him in order to move on. He became really emotional and started to say things to me that I am real harsh with him and that he will die working hard and so on. He couldn't accept that I would stop talking to him. He said that he is so scared that I will replace him with someone else. He said that he wishes I could wait for him until he becomes completely ready and until we move closer to each other. I told him that I cannot wait anymore. I said to him that it's not fair on me because I could be waiting for something that will never happen. I told him that he could replace me with another girl too? He said that it's not going to happen but although I can be a dreamer and romantic, I am pretty realistic. I guess it's my way of protecting my heart. So I said good bye to him. I was very very sad and I cried that night but I felt like I had to do this. I said to myself that I must not be hurting myself all the time this way just because the guy I love is confused and lost.

The next day he emailed me at work asking me if I decided not to talk to him anymore and how could I say to him that he is the only one I love and the only one in my heart and on my mind but I am taking the risk of loosing him and each other for good because I wish to stop talking? I felt that he was hurting and annoyed but I really cannot do this anymore. I cannot let myself to be played even though he might be genuinly confused. I sat down and sent him a long email explaining to him that I love him, I care for him and he knows that I wish the contrary but we must let go. I said to him that I realised that this hurt isn't good for me and that we both should grow and mature and become completely clear about what we want and what makes us happy. I said to him that if he wishes to contact me again, if he could do it only if he is sure that he wants to be with me and he wants to build a real relationship based on values that a real relationship should have. I said to him that I understand him that he is scared of loosing me and that I could meet someone else but I admitted that I have the same worries but I believe that real love won't die. I told him that we must move on in order to reflect on our past and to realise if our love was real. I explained to him that people more often realise what is best for them when they don't alaways have it in front of them. I also told him that I am not a religious person but I believe in faith. I know that me and him as two individuals are responsible for our own decisions and choices but I believe that love is something natural which we cannot always influence. I told him that we need to separate now and move on if we are supposed to meet and start again, we can start fresh. I said to him that we need to let out love be free in order to show its real sign.

He sent me a beautiful email back, telling me that he likes my response very much and that he loves me too and that he understood what I meant. He said that he wishes that we could meet one day again and start again and that he also thinks that we need to move on from our past as we have a huge history and it causes problems. He said that if one day he moves closer to me, he would like to contact me to see if I am available.. He said that he cares for me so much and that I should be careful as it is dangerous out there. He said that I have a huge part in his heart and that he will never forget me.

It's been about 14 days since we said good bye in a very loving and peaceful way but I miss him. I am sad thinking that we had to separate but I know this was the right thing. I am not sure if I should hope that one day.... but at the same time I know that I shouldn't wait here and hope because I cannot see the future. I am so sad thinking that he will meet another girl one day and he will love her so much, he will forget me and never looks back.. Do you think I did the right thing to say good bye? The thing is that I had to because his hesitations and confusions about us were hurting me as I was sure about him. Do you believe that reconciliation happens and faith helps bring people together? I know that I should probably forget him completely but I can't.

However, I received a text message from him yesterday telling me that he is sorry for texting me but he couldn't resist to wish me Merry Christmas. He signed with "love xxx". I haven't replied because as I explained we agreed to no contact but I feel guilty for not replying. I feel bad. I am afraid that he might be thinking that I am a cold-hearted person because I don't even wish him Merry Christmas back. But I guess I have memories when he broke up with me how painful it was... when he pushed me away... I feel that I really don't want to say anything back anymore. I want to remain silent. I know that he probably resents me for that but if I text back, he might text me again and again and I'll never ever move on... even though I still love him and miss him terribly but HE was the one who wanted to end our love and due to the history of our relationship and my strong feelings for him, I cannot be his friend, I decided to remain silent. Please tell me, am I wrong for not replying. My mum said to me that it's polite to wish Merry Xmas but I guess I have my reasons for not replying? I am not sure if I should.. ?

I am terribly sorry about the length but I wanted to explain to you what happened since..

thanks.





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