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Hello everyone! I am not sure how much you remember my story about my European ex who was calling me non-stop back in May ( my last thread here from 24th May) and begging me to talk to him again. He was upset since I tried to move on with my life as he told me to (by the way) and because I blocked him on ***. Anyway, after so many phone calls and a long email where he was telling me that his heart was crying and his stomach was in pain and that he was the most sorry guy and so on, despite all your advice, I answered in the end. Since then we have been in contact but then slowly with time he was never clear if he wanted us to be back together. Every time I asked him, he said that due to the distance we cannot and that we need to take things slowly. Every time I asked him why was he contacting me again then, he said because he likes me and cares for me and does not want to loose me. So the whole summer we would send occassioanal emails, text messages. He would be the one most of the time who would initiate the contact. And then he suggested for us to meet to see how we feel together and whether there is a chance for us to work things out. So I booked my flight in August to go and see him during a weekend. We had a fight over this, because I said to him that since he was the one breaking up, he should be booking the flight and coming to see me. But his argument was that he lives in one of the most beautiful capital cities in Europe and there are many things to see. Anyway, things were going ok in June and July. He was nice to me. I started to go out a lot with my friends here and so I didn't worry too much. BUT this weekend has changed things a lot!

When I met him we obviously ended up being intimate together most of the weekend. But when I wanted to discuss our relationship, he kept saying that he not ready to be tied down and that he does not want a long-distance relationship so I didn't really understand why would he still want me to be in touch with him. I got quite upset with him because he said to me in May that we would meet to see how we feel and to work things out but he said again that he does not want to have a serious relationship. What upset me also that he said that he kissed 6 girls after the break up... I must admit I did kiss guys too but my hopes were still for us to get together. I asked him if he slept with any of them and he said no. I asked him if he would sleep with any girl, and he said that he is a guy and he can't stay a priest his whole life but he said that since me he hasn't. He said to me though that if he knew that I did, he would be pretty upset and maybe he would stop talking to me because he knows that for me having sex with someone means a lot but he says for him as a guy it means a different thing. I have to say that this made me really insecure. Anyway, when I returned from this weekend, I found it really hard. I realised that all my feelings came back and I missed him so bad.

He called me sometime last week and I told him that I cannot continue this way and we have to make some kind of decison? He said to me that he doesn't want a long-distance relationship. I said to him that we both earn money and we could meet more often as our countries are 1 hour by plane. He said that he does need to see me more often and he doesn't like the idea of once a month meeting. I asked him if he sees future for us? and he said that he does not know and that he can't promise anything. I said that we could think about living in a same country. europe is not big. He said that moving for his job is ok for him but that it would scare him if he though that he is moving for a girl. He says he is scared of these things. I explained that I am scared of continuing this way because I wouldn't like to experience a situation where he meets another girl and becomes serious with her and drops me. He said that he would never do that. He said that he cares for me too much and even if he met another girl, he would still talk to me. I said to him that we should meet more often and he said that we should but that it's difficult to plan things like that.. I asked him to make a decision between being with me or being single and free. He said that he can't be with me. So I said that clearly he decided that being single is better for him. He said that it's not like that. He just isn't ready to be tight down and especially not with someone who doesn't live in the same country. So I said to him why does he still call me and why does he still wants to see me sometimes and he responded "because I like you". I said to him that unfortunately I need to see him more often and I am too scared of the future so I need to walk away... he was upset and asked if I was prepared to sacrifice everything and I said that it's hard for me this way.

We had a fight on Sunday because I overreacted on Saturday. He said he was going to send me a message on Saturday and help me with something but he didn't so I sent him a message asking if he was busy and that I thought he would contact me. He sent me one back and said that he is not at home and that he is having a dinner with a friend and that he will talk to me on Sunday. I was so upset because I started to panick who this friend was and also I was upset that he didn't even bother to tell me that he won't be at home in the end. So I sent him one back and said that he could have let me know and that I hope he will enjoy the dinner and that I am hurt because he does not care when he is with someone else.. I was quite hurt by it all!! The message was pending for at least 2 hours, which made me feel even more insecure! He never said anything back. On Sunday he sent me one back saying that yes he wasn't at home, he was with a friend who is a guy and that he shouldn't feel obliged to do things for me.. I was so upset. We then chatted on *** but got into a fight over it and he told me that he doesn't owe me anything and that I really pissed him off on Saturday with the way I reacted.. and I said to him ok leave me then and his reply was quite unexpectedly ok then good bye!! He then sent me an email:

i have got nothing to reproach to me because i havent done anything bad to you. i didnt see anybody yesterday except my friend (a guy) so dont blame me. if the message was pending it 's because the network was bad in my friend's flat or because i was in the underground. you were yesterday even worse than when we were together, i cant believe u blamed me for that. just because i couldnt help u, because i spent the afternoon and the evening with my friend without going back home. i dont know why i should let u know about all my movements. i dont owe you anything. i dont understand your reaction. Behave a bit. it's going a bit too far. i guess you dont want to talk to me anymore. It's your choice. i guess it's the best solution, our situation is getting very complicated. there's a big lack of confidence on both sides and different expectations, the distance is not managable and so on.. i m quite sad but i guess it's better for both of us, we make both of us suffer from it so it's not good. but just keep in mind that i cared about u and i liked u a lot. I never make u suffer on purpose.
The best is to talk to each other again after a long while when our feelings for each other are not strong anymore as if we only want to be friends and not more, which is definitely not the case now.

All the best in your life and maybe i will see you again


When I read this email, I felt so much hurt! I sent him a message if he could talk to me so we did but he said that he has nothing to say and that I am too demanding and that I behave as if we are together but he said we are not! He said that he repeats that he doesn't owe me anything and then he said that he has got to go as he has things to do!

I feel so shocked and hurt and so guilty! I mean he behaved to me when I went to see him for a weekend like he was still with me! He was physical with me and he kept telling me that he doesn't want to loose me. What should I do? I haven't heard from him today at all! And 2 months ago when I tried to walk away and move on, he begged me to talk to him again and so I did and now he is gone! He broke up with me in March and I was still there for him.. I just don't know! I want to send him an email and ask him if he meant it! I just cannot believe he would just walk away like that!?

Please help. I am so sad ! What should I do? He was the one not happy about me walking away and now he did exactly that

PS So sorry about the length. I just needed to explain the whole situation how it exactly all happened. :confused: :(
Thanks a lot for your suggestion!! I just cannot understand the sudden change in his behaviour towards me? I mean how could he change his opinion so fast? I know I was probably being unreasonable towards him on Saturday and I overreacted and panicked! But he is really cold towards me now as if he does not care at all about me! as if he hates me? last week he was telling me he doesn't want me to walk away? and now he is the one telling me that he is fed up and he wants us to stop it all and we should stop contact? I was visiting him only 3 weeks ago and now he is suddenly so distant? I just don't understand it? :(

Unfortunately I am not that kind of girl who is able to be close and intimate with a guy who I loved so much with all my heart and then not feeling attached to him? It's just that he sounded so scared of loosing me and now he is gone! Could it be that he found another girl? I am 27 and it's true that I am not anymore into playing games and teenage fun relationships! I am very caring and giving.. He hurt me so deep when he ended the relationship in March and it took me so long to be ok again and then he came back in May begging me and now he is gone again! I love this guy!! He says that I should get into my head that it will never ever be again me and him and that I should just burry my feelings for him! He was sending me photos from our time when we were together visiting my home and of course all these things remind of me of our past together! All my friends told me that he was behaving with me not like a friend and now he is blaming me that I want more than a friendship! and when I was visiting him 3 weeks ago and I refused to kiss him because he kept saying he is single.. he got sooo upset because I didn't kiss him! and he was really really angry! and when I said that I don't kiss friends, he said that I am not a friend but something more.. I just don't know? I didn't expect the sudden change though!!

Thanks so much that I can come here to talk to you and to get your support!
I am so sad! not one message or an email from him! He really does not want me in his life anymore! :(

I used to say to him that I felt used for sex but he always said to me that it's not true. He said that if he wanted to, he could have just go and find a girl near him. He also said that he wouldn't bother calling me when I needed him to or he wouldn't speak to me in a caring way if it was just about sex! It kind of made sense to me. Sometimes I had to face a problem and I would tell him about it and he would call me to make me feel ok. so that's why I am not sure why has he changed so fast in such a short time? That's what keeps confusing me and hurting me? I mean he asked me last week when I said that I will walk away if he doesn't make his mind up if I was prepared to sacrifice everything? I said that I couldn't continue this way. So he put the phone down on me and said "ok good luck then" but 2 days later he emailed me and asked if I didn't want to talk so I did and we were even talking about him coming to visit me here for a weekend. and all this happened only last week?

I should also tell you that I sent a text message to him yesterday afternoon. I was trying to be strong but a little voice inside me was telling me that I wasn't sure if it was for real the fight we had on Sunday or did we just say things because we were angry. Also I met a good friend of mine and talked to her about it and she said to me that it's better to be sure so I could send him a text message otherwise I would be always wondering what if! But I did not expect the hearless and cold response he gave me

I said that I hope he is ok and that I think it was harsh the way things happened on Sunday and that I care for him so much and I miss him. I ended my text message asking him if he wanted to talk? To be honest with you, I never expected an answer from him or a nasty one back. Well, one minute later he replied and said "I didn't get the whole message. can you send it again please" and then he sent one straight after saying "I've just received the other part. I'll be on *** chat in 10 minutes". I was so surprised. Anyway, when I signed on ***, I started the conversation and when I asked him about his day he was silent so I said if he wanted to talk or not and he said that he was eating. I felt so stupid. Anyway, I then said to him that the text message said that he was going to be on *** in 10 minutes so what should I do? He said again that he was eating. So I was silent. He then said "ok, let's talk." But he was so mean!! He said that it's completely over and that I should forget the idea of us getting ever back together again. He said that he is fed up and that he lost of lots of feelings for me on Sunday. I started to cry and asked him how could he change his feelings so fast. He said that he realised this Sunday. I said to him that just last week he was the one telling me that he still has feelings for me and that he didn't want to loose me.. I asked him if he wasn't afraid anymore of loosing me and he answered that it's right not anymore. He said that it's my choice if I wanted to talk to him again. He said also that he will never ever kiss me or make love to me, that he regrets being close to me while I was visiting him during the weekend. I said to him that it hurts too much to hear this all and I said to him that I took him back 2 months ago when he was begging me and he said that he doesn't care and that I should stop talking bulls***! I just can't believe how he has changed in 2 days so much! Why? I know I overreacted but he said to me that he would never want to loose me or he would be always there for me no matter what and now he just wants to get rid off me? He said that he was there for me too many evenings and he does not want to do that anymore. He was so harsh. He said that he prefers forgetting me and he is going to burry his feelings for me so he said to me I should do the same. He said that he will only be a simple friend for me, nothing more! I feel so punished! I mean when I was visiting him during that weekend in August, he was telling me that he wants us to meet more often. I asked him if he met someone else and he said no but his sudden change in behaviour is strange! I know I said some things to him on Sunday but instead of being ok, he prefers to walk away!? Why was he telling me 3 weeks ago that I shouldn't walk away and that he cares for me too much and has too much feelings for me??? Why? Please tell me why?? Why did he suddenly change like this? I am so shocked! He is so cold with me! I feel so sad. He said to me in the end that we shouldn't talk to each other for a long while, at least not before I forget my feelings for him and that if I had something else to say, I should say it now. I was speechless though. I felt like he broke my heart AGAIN into pieces! When he broke up with me in March, it took me so long to be ok again and to have fun again and he suddenly appeared again and managed to make me love him again and now he is gone again!! Is it fair? I said I was too hurt to say anything and he said "ok, well I am sorry. You will recover soon. Good bye". I feel like he was playing with me like with a toy and got bored and threw me away because it was not fun for him anymore".

Please help me to understand it all! I am so lost and unclear and hurt and just basically not sure what happened? Im shocked! I cared for this guy soooooooooo much!! I just can't believe he could do that! and today no message from him! Nothing! Gone! just like that I am supposed to burry my feelings in 2 days :( Am I a robot for him? :confused:
it's so hard to start follow the nc rule! I mean it's kind of tough of him to expect me to just cut all contact like that.. but I guess this afternoon it was my last go..

I was invited by a doctor for an appointment today and I have to say this appointment made me worry.. well, I sent him a text to let him about it and he sent me one back to let him know how did the appointment go! I know that you all said that I should stop all contact and I know that I must do it from now on! I guess I am used to it that every time something is a little difficult to face, he would be the first one to know.. but gave me a confirmation that he can't care that much.. i mean i was sitting in the waiting room for my doctor to invite me in and I became really emotional! I guess how in everyone's life everything is happening at the same time, my parents have been going through a rough time and I have been in the middle of it for the last 3 years, now my ex left me again feeling rejected and not worthy.. I kind of felt like I really need someone close to me! I have lots of friends, I live with some of them and I work with some of them but it's not always so easy to share your deepest worries.. so I texted him and said that I am feeling sad and worried and that I need him right now and to stop doing what he is doing. Well, after the appointment he texted me back and asked about it. I asked him why didn't he reply to my last text message and his message back was quite mean again and said "For God's sake, stop playing with me! What did the doctor say???! I replied already 100 times and I am saying again you and me is over!! I won't reply to any of these questions. If you can't respect that I won't talk to you anymore! You're annoying me now a lot with your questions! I am worried about your health so answer me!! He didn't realise that I could have been worried about the appointment and that I needed a soft shoulder of support!

It's kind of interesting when I look back.. I mean when I tried to move on back in May and I blocked him on *** and he then found out and after an argument I said ok that's it.. he was the one sending text messages, ringing me at least 30 times in one evening until 2 or 3 am and I had to wake up in the morning for work.. he was ringing me again the next day early in the morning the whole day at least 50 times and sending me long emails at 2 am telling me how much I killed him and that his stomach is sick and his heart is crying and that he hopes I am not insensintive.. and now I texted him maybe 3 or 4 times, didn't ring him once and did not send him one email and he is telling me I should respect his decision and I shouldn't annoy him??? I mean I am trying to respect it as much as I can even though it's hurtful the way he just says " I am done with you! You and me it's over" As if I have done something really wrong to him! After his last message I got quite mad and I sent one back and said " You are completely right that it's over! As we would say in my country the sund doesn't shine only for one flower! In other words, your are not my first and you are not my last! There are many out there... It was my last message to him this afternoon! He must hate me now and he probably won't never ever dial my number again! He must think that I am a *****! But I sent it to him because I felt so humiliated and I wanted to show him that I don't need him.. even though it's not true really that I am now looking around for someone else obviously! He also told me just last week that if I ever kiss another guy or do something with another guy, he won't talk to me again... Well, he said to me that he kissed 6 girls after the break up.. but he said that for him as a guy it doesn't mean much but he said that he knows I am pure and he knows that I take things seriously so that's why..

It's so strange this silence! It's really strange to think that you will never talk to this person again and they hate you so much that they just block you out of their life but I didn't do that much wrong did i? I feel punished to be honest!:(

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