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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hmm, I don't know, I still don't see any clear signs one way or another if she wants to get back together. I'm not completely clear on what happened surrounding your breakup--is it accurate that she broke up with you once because she still had feelings for another guy? Who ended the relationship when you broke up for the second time? Has she ever mentioned getting back together or asked if you'd be interested in dating her again? Is she dating anyone else? I'm just not sure what to tell you...it's good that she still cares about you and used to have a crush on you, but I frequently hug and kiss my male friends and ex boyfriends without that meaning I want more than friendship with him. More details would definitely help, but from what you've said, I don't see any definite indications about how she feels about reconciling. I think you're better off assuming that it's over, especially if you wouldn't want to take her back as she is now. It sounds like you guys might make better friends than lovers, do you think that's accurate? How strongly do you feel about getting back together? Barring other details that show clearly that she's interested in dating again (which I think would be pretty obvious signals), I'd still suggest that you assume that you'll just be friends so you won't be disappointed if you set your sights higher and are let down, but have the chance to be pleased if she exceeds your expectations. If you really want to reconcile, than I think you should talk to her candidly about the way you feel and find out once and for all what she thinks about the idea. It doesn't sound like any of her signals so far are definite one way or another, so if you want to know how she feels, I think you need to ask her in a casual, low-pressure way.
Hmm, i never saw it in some of those ways. But her mom actually DOES give me the little extra boost, since she loves me and said i was the best of her boyfriends she has ever had, she always tries to play a "matchmaker" and tells her things about me that would make her like me a little more. But a few weeks ago, she would keep saying things to me that would generally make a guy try harder to get the girl, basically i think she was playing hard to get. One day i was just chilling out at her house, maybe 2-3 weeks ago, and we were just talking, she said she has something to tell me but she doesnt think its the best time to say it, and i basically forced it out of her - "Pawel, i think i have a crush on you again". We never talked about that again, and im thinking about bringing that up again, to see what she thinks. I can tell she wont last too much longer with her boyfriend, we went through this situation a little earlier when she first broke up with him.

But here is the note she gave to me when she broke up with me, its kind of long.

[I]"I dont want you to take this the wrong way. At all. I dont want to make you feel more upset either. Before we started going out i liked Dusty for awhile. You knew that. I kept trying to get him to leave Kate for me but he said that we could never really go out because he didnt want Ross, Chris, Maddy, Christle, and a few other people mad at him since they all said i was "off limits". I got really frustrated that he was with another girl, he said he liked me but wouldnt go out with me. You asked me out and i really liked you, but i just couldnt stop thinking about Dusty. I tried to convince myself that i didnt like him but i couldnt help it. I know you are a better person and someone i could have a long term relationship with but i dont want to be in a relationship that im not 100% committed to. :( I dont want you to feel bad about this though. I know i should have told you before but i just couldnt say it. Im sorry. I hope you wont be upset with me for long, but i understand" [/I]

Man, reading that over made me feel a little dumb. Get this, im 17 and shes 15, so im a senior and shes a sophomore. She asked if i want to go to my senior prom with her, and the thing is that the prom is a good 7-8 months away, and she is obviously really excited about it. Im not sure what to say about that.

But if we do ever go out, you think showing her this note would be a good idea? Just to let her know that we already went through some bad things and this time i wont be as stupid. But lately she has been getting into the wrong things again, such as smoking cigarrettes, personally, i cant stand cigarettes and i keep trying to convince her to stop. She stopped for a week because of me, but then picked it back up. I keep trying to convince her that its really unattractive, it makes her smell disgusting, and she is just shaving years off of her life. If we were to date again, she would have to drop smoking altogether. Since she is one of my closest friends, i would be happy if she just stopped in general right now.

What do you guys think now?





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