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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hey there

First of all, in order to be able to talk to someone and get a good comfortable conversation going you need to be comfortable with yourself. You've meantioned that you're at ease with women that you're not interested in and then you get tongue tie and stupid when it comes to women that you find attractive. I understand what you're saying. It's bc you're overthinking things with the girls you like. You care about what they think and you're afrraid to say/do something stupid. On the other hand, girls you're not intersted in you are very comfortable around and I'm sure it shows. I'm sure you can have a very interesting conversation with them and it comes very easily.

Well did you ever think of maybe getting close (friend wise) with the girls you're not interested in? (baby steps right?) Once you become more comfortable being around women then you're probably get to a point where you're comfortable being around and talking to women that you do have a crush on. And these girls will definitely have other girl friends that you can get to know and talk to. The more girls you talk to the easier and more natural it will become. Trust me, the last thing a girl wants to do is be around a person and have "fake/forced" conversation.

I understand it must be very tough for you to just appraoch a girl out of the blue and ask her out. If someone were to do that to me, I would be a little stand-offish and likely (definitely) turn down the invitation.

I've made a few good guy friends becuase we've worked on projects together, started studying together, helped eachother out on homework, etc. These things are school related but here's a good chance to bring the school stuff out of the classroom and into the library, your house, here house, school student center etc. Talk to the girl as if you're friends (don't be uncomfortable bc we can smell it and then it makes us uncomfortable too). Maybe if you guys have been working for a while, suggest going to grab something to eat (notice, not a date just "I'm hungry, wanna grab a burger?"). Then after a while just say, "hey, what are you doing tommorrow? Me and my friends are going .... wanna come?"

Whatever you do be it studying with her, eating lunch, going for drinks...YOU NEED TO BE COMFORATBLE WITH YOURSELF AND BE NATURAL!! If I start to get the feeling that a guy is uncomfortable around me or trying way too hard, I start to feel uncomfortable. The conversation becomes forced and almost to the point where it "weather talk". Then, yeah I likely wouldn't want talk to him or be around him in a social setting.
[QUOTE=terry2006]Hey there

First of all, in order to be able to talk to someone and get a good comfortable conversation going you need to be comfortable with yourself. You've meantioned that you're at ease with women that you're not interested in and then you get tongue tie and stupid when it comes to women that you find attractive. I understand what you're saying. It's bc you're overthinking things with the girls you like. You care about what they think and you're afrraid to say/do something stupid. On the other hand, girls you're not intersted in you are very comfortable around and I'm sure it shows. I'm sure you can have a very interesting conversation with them and it comes very easily.

Well did you ever think of maybe getting close (friend wise) with the girls you're not interested in? (baby steps right?) Once you become more comfortable being around women then you're probably get to a point where you're comfortable being around and talking to women that you do have a crush on. And these girls will definitely have other girl friends that you can get to know and talk to. The more girls you talk to the easier and more natural it will become. Trust me, the last thing a girl wants to do is be around a person and have "fake/forced" conversation.

I understand it must be very tough for you to just appraoch a girl out of the blue and ask her out. If someone were to do that to me, I would be a little stand-offish and likely (definitely) turn down the invitation.

I've made a few good guy friends becuase we've worked on projects together, started studying together, helped eachother out on homework, etc. These things are school related but here's a good chance to bring the school stuff out of the classroom and into the library, your house, here house, school student center etc. Talk to the girl as if you're friends (don't be uncomfortable bc we can smell it and then it makes us uncomfortable too). Maybe if you guys have been working for a while, suggest going to grab something to eat (notice, not a date just "I'm hungry, wanna grab a burger?"). Then after a while just say, "hey, what are you doing tommorrow? Me and my friends are going .... wanna come?"

Whatever you do be it studying with her, eating lunch, going for drinks...YOU NEED TO BE COMFORATBLE WITH YOURSELF AND BE NATURAL!! If I start to get the feeling that a guy is uncomfortable around me or trying way too hard, I start to feel uncomfortable. The conversation becomes forced and almost to the point where it "weather talk". Then, yeah I likely wouldn't want talk to him or be around him in a social setting.[/QUOTE]

well right now I'm having a problem in all areas of my relationships, so I don't know what to say or do.
I agree Mada, friends should be friends. If I initially met a guy and it was on friendship terms, I'd likely never want to date him (too weired). There have been a few times where I was under the impression that a guy and I were friends and then he tries to "come on" to me. That just makes me feel uncomfortable and there have been a few guys that I stopped hanging out with becuase of that.

What I'm trying to suggest to dedication is to just get him used to being around girls overall. I'm not suggesting that he weasel his way into a girls life and hopefully convert a friendship into something more. Rather, I figure if he can get comfortable just being around girls (talking, hanging out etc), eventually it will get easier and easier to talk to a girl that he does likes. And hopefully he'll be comfortable enough that he when he does meet a girl that he likes he could strike up a conversation with her more easily and hopefuly be able to pursue a relationship bc he's not so nervous about being around a girl.

But I agree I would be very difficult to break the "friend barrier" and I wouldn't suggest it.
[QUOTE=dedication_pos]well how does one start a conversation with a girl whom he does not know at all, then engage in those suggestions you gave? And if one does do those things (which I have done a little here and there), how does one progress from there, because as I've said throughout this thread I've gotten nowhere. :(

mada:

- I like your suggestion, and have been advised about this before, but I have the hardest time finding the right time to ever ask those questions.

Like I said before, I've never really gotten that far with a woman, so sadly I've never really had the chance to ask open-ended questions. It always depends on the context. I'd feel odd if I saw a girl I bearly knew eating lunch, and asked her what she thinks about teaching evolution in school. Well I know that'd sound stupid and out of context, and it'd be smart to relate to something in the context, such as if a girl was eating lunch, I think I'd be better off asking her something open-ended about her lunch/diet.

BUT, my biggest problem is what I have been saying throughout this thread, I just have never gotten the chances to get that far into open ended questions. It's like the girls are busy with something, have another guy with them, in class during important lecture, etc. I feel like sometimes I'm making excuses, but I still think I just don't get the best chances. Am I just doing things at the wrong times all the time? I just don't know anymore :([/QUOTE]

don't take this the wrong way, but i do believe you are making excuses... start off joining into group discussion... even if there are guys there... remember the aim isn't to bed the woman, it's to talk to her.

my example was only that. any issue that's at the forefront of peoples mind is a good thing to ask at pretty much any time.

a great way to break the ice, forget hi or how are you... open WITH your question.

for instance "hey i need a girls opinion on this, would you ever date a friend's ex" or something along those lines... then ask why/ why not. convo flows. it doesn't have to be that question either... things like fasion, or relationship advice, or hell anything that you might want or need a girls opinion on. that way there is no context. this works better when the girl your after is in a group situation because you can get her friends input, and you sparked the convo, but they can help carry it... because they might have differing opinions. it sounds dynamic, and your similtaneously approaching the girl AND start the convo flowing, it's a bit better than....
hi
hi
how are you?
ok
good weather hey
yeah
well what do you think about the extinction of dinosaurs.

anytime is great to do this, because if it's a time where they're not normally approached by guys, they won't have their walls up. maybe not when their eating lunch because some people are self concious when they eat... althought that could be something to ask a group of girls "are you uncomfortable eating around strangers?"

good luck
[QUOTE=mada_3083]don't take this the wrong way, but i do believe you are making excuses... start off joining into group discussion... even if there are guys there... remember the aim isn't to bed the woman, it's to talk to her.

my example was only that. any issue that's at the forefront of peoples mind is a good thing to ask at pretty much any time.

a great way to break the ice, forget hi or how are you... open WITH your question.

for instance "hey i need a girls opinion on this, would you ever date a friend's ex" or something along those lines... then ask why/ why not. convo flows. it doesn't have to be that question either... things like fasion, or relationship advice, or hell anything that you might want or need a girls opinion on. that way there is no context. this works better when the girl your after is in a group situation because you can get her friends input, and you sparked the convo, but they can help carry it... because they might have differing opinions. it sounds dynamic, and your similtaneously approaching the girl AND start the convo flowing, it's a bit better than....
hi
hi
how are you?
ok
good weather hey
yeah
well what do you think about the extinction of dinosaurs.

anytime is great to do this, because if it's a time where they're not normally approached by guys, they won't have their walls up. maybe not when their eating lunch because some people are self concious when they eat... althought that could be something to ask a group of girls "are you uncomfortable eating around strangers?"

good luck[/QUOTE]

sorry I think I am completely lost. Can you tell me what you mean by joining a group discussion?

I'd like to start over about my entire problem if can:

I'm really looking for a romantic relationship. No I am not a guy who just wants to get in bed. I want real love, all the holding hands, buying flowers, staring into each others eyes relationship.

My problem is that whenever I've tried, whatever way I tried, to get to know women, I've never been successful. I don't know how to form a real friendship with them either. I have friends who are girls, but they aren't the friends that I hang out with consistently or even give calls to, or talk about daily life every week. When we go on christmas break or summer, we bearly ever talk. Well lately I've been doing talking both at school and on myspace.com. But I've yet to really hang out with girls consistently, even at school.

I admit I am a very shy guy, but am capable to talking if the people around me know me or I am comfortable with them. I talk in class all the time, when teachers ask questions, if I need help, or just talking to friends. I do feel very shy when it comes to talking to the women in class. In some of my classes, I just feel awkward saying anything, even if it is what you are suggesting with open-ended questions. I tend to over-analyze everything and I analyze the situation with the women around me and I just can't find any sense in asking a random open ended question during class lecture, it would be rude to the teacher and odd to the girl. Even if there is a break in class, I have a hard time coming up with anything to say that would make sense. I can't just pop up to a girl I've never talked to ever in class, and ask her "what do you think about dating you friends ex?" I mean I've never seen any guy ever do that. Most of the convos I see guys talking with the women, it's like they already know them somehow, and are good friends. I rarely ever seen guys bearly getting to know the women. Or maybe I'm just not paying attention.

Last semester I had a communication class and the class was full of beautiful women! I was really comfortable speaking up in class and talked to a few girls in there. I would make silly remarks, laugh, ask what they did that weekend and expand on that, "when I had the time." I could never ask them open questions when the teacher was talking because that is rude. And during class was really the only time I saw most of these women and had a chance to interact with them. Other than that, I couldn't find other times. Now I did get a number from one of the girls that I had talked to on the phone and it went good, but I still feel shy calling her for some reason. I actually haven't talked to her in over a month :( I feel neglectful because most of my calls she either didn't pick up, or told me she'd call, but never did. I feel like I am bothering her so I haven't really called her back, although I really do want to talk to her. I don't really have a crush on her, but I consider her a friend and just want to expand my friendship with her.

Lastly, right now I have a slight liking towards a girl at my school that I do not know at all. I haven't really talked to her, so I don't know what to make of it. I try looking and smiling at her, but she seems like a very shy person, like me. That's what attracts me to her, her shyness and how she almost resembles my personality. I'd like to break the ice somehow, but whenever I see her, it's usually outside while everyone's going to class, or when I am working (I work on campus), and it's hard to just go up to her and talk because she's doing school work.

Do you understand where I am coming from now?
[QUOTE=veggie girl]Where do you hang out? (just so I can get a better sense of what kind of circles you move in)

I'm not claiming to be an authority but I get lots of attention from guys and its the ones who don't ask if I have a boyfriend or crap like that that get my attention.[/QUOTE]

haha you got in before me.

i agree with veg girl here, don't ask if she's got a boyfriend or anything... treat her as a person. how did you make any of your male friends? i mean how did that friendship develop? considering girls are human (well most are) then treat them like humans. interact how you would with anyone else, and if there is chemistry there, it'll progress
[QUOTE=mada_3083]ok group discussion, i mean if you see a girl that your interested in, in a group with her friends, approach the whole group and talk to them. it'll take some pressure off you to keep conversation flowing.

i understand where your coming from, now RELAX and realise there is no set of rules to develop these things. that's right, no game plan, no tactic nothing will work. you just have to interact. you can make 10000000 excuses, none will get you a girl.

what do you do OUTSIDE of school? i ask this because it seems that your focusing on school alot.

ok, breaks between classes (i.e. lunch) see a girl or group of girls... approach with what i suggested. worst case scenario, they'll fob you off. what have you lost? nothing. what have you gained? with every rejection, the fear of rejection becomes less, because you realise it's not that bad. if the girl doesn't want to talk to you, then there's not much chance she would have been a suitable partner, so you've eliminated one possibility.

as for the fact you've never seen other guys do this... (dont take this the wrong way)well if your such an expert through studying what other guys do, then why not just copy that? otherwise give it a shot. as for conveniant times, try when your exiting the class, or during breaks in the class.

then after discussing the point/ points, and if you enjoy this girls company, tell her that. either ask for a number, or ask her if she'd like to go for a drink/ coffee/ meal (drink or coffee is better as it's more informal and you've justmet this girl) have a TIME and PLACE in mind (or at least a time)... avoid busy nights like saturday night, where she's likely to have plans... if she can't make it, simply ask for her number so that you can arrange another time.

you form friendships/ relationships by TALKING. then progressing to physical cues... it's not a process that can be learnt by study or theory or analisis, it relies on you opening up your experience levels by doing it. there is no reason why today you can't go out and start a conversation with 5 girls you didn't know before today. just do it for a couple of weeks, then get back to us :)

WHAT'S SO HARD ABOUT THAT? and what haven't i addressed? no need to reword your whole first post. just tell me what i missed[/QUOTE]

I still don't understand where you are both coming from. I must not be clear on who I am and what my problems really are.

Just to clear things up, I'm not the type of guy that goes up to a girl and tells her she's hot and asks for her number. I don't think I've ever done that. I have gone up and tried to break the ice, and haven't succeeded yet. I've never asked a girl, if she has a b/f, since I am too afraid to anyway. I mean after a while with this one girl, I was frustrated as to why she wasn't talking to me, so I had told her why I was talking her, but either way nothing progressed.

as for approaching a group of girls, that is honestly really tough for me. They seem to be in their own world, and I feel bad if go over and disturb them. As for seeing a girls by herself, I feel more comfortable going up to her then.

as for rejection, it's easy for you to say it's nothing, but for me it's something. I am an emotional guy and I've been rejected plenty of times, and each one has hurt me a lot. Sure I've gotten over most of them over time, but it seriously scars me and I feel neglectful everytime I want to talk to a girl I don't know, because of my past failures. I still see hope in all of this, but rejection isn't just something that's nothing. This may sound like an excuse but not everyone takes rejection the same as everyone else. I know one guy who gets completely devasted by rejection, it seems like he goes through a mini depression. As for me I don't get completely devastated since I respect the women's decisions and there's nothing I can do, but it bothers me everytime I see the women that have rejected me.

Just recently I had tried to talk to a girl that I kinda knew and had liked before, but just wanted to progress a friendship and she basically denied me. Now everytime I see her at school I was really embarrassed for being a failure towards her. It really hurts. I never told her that she's hot or asked her if she has a b/f. I just tried to be a friend at first and I did ask her if she wanted to hang out and she did say yes and gave me her number, yet I failed.

You know I have a problem where I'll say "hi," or whatever to girls in class, but I never really hang out with them or progress my friendship with them.

Here's a question that I've struggled with:

What do I talk about that would make sense with the situation at hand? It doesn't make sense to me to walk up to a group of girls and talk about the world series, when they are in their own world talking about a party they went to or doing homework. Do you get what I'm saying? I just don't understand how I can go over and talk about anything. I know there aren't any written rules, but I still am lost.
ok i'll take this slowly. but it'll be long, try to read the whole thing please, if not, skip to the bottom dotted line and i think it'll be summarised.

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if you want discussion to follow the "context" i.e. discussion related to school when your at school, talking about a party when the group is talking about a party, then you can't plan that stuff because you don't know the exact "context" that everything is in. also if you approach a group, and their talking about a party, if you join in halfway, you'll probably not do too well because there is a backlog of convo you didn't hear. if you interupt (because your dying to get your query answered) you'll get noticed, which as i outline below is good. also means your on the same footing, conversation wise as the rest of the group, and not trying to play catchup. your not trying to "fit in" with these people, your trying to get NOTICED.

there is no magical phrase that will make a relationship happen. oh and you can't plan for it. the more you think on your feet the better you become.

i've never said to tell a stupid joke. not once. nor did i say mention a giraffe or some other such RANDOM conversation. your missing the point of my suggestions. merely ask her opinion on something.

you see context can also relate to the frame of mind either people are in. if your asking her her opinion on whether it's ok for girls to date a friends ex, for example, then she'll just assume that for some reason it's on your mind. the CONTEXT there is that you want/ need a female opinion about an issue facing you/ your buddy, and you just happen to be at school, and specifically, you'd like to hear her opinion. for example the issue is that your buddy is after his ex's friend. ask her opinion on a current issue that's prominent in society or the media, she'll understand that it's on your mind (big news stories are usually on most people's mind). and people love talking about themselves :)

This in turn has a far greater chance of sparking her interest in you than polite conversation about the immediate surroundings. for a start she might wonder why you brought up that particular subject. this is agood thing. anything that makes her think about you is good. especially if it's positive thought like "gee this guy actually cares what i think, i wonder what promted him to ask MY opinion on that".

anyone can walk up to her and ask her how she did in biology, what she thinks of the schools new colour scheme, and what she's got planned on the day off on monday, only you can similtaneously put forward your complex and unique viewpoints on an issue, and show that your interested in her as a person by actually getting to know who she is BEYOND the setting you "found" her in.

who is she more likely to be interested in, just another guy that sat there and said "yes" 100 times as shes talking about matt's party, the weather, and how much mrs mcgregor sucks at maths. Or the guy that caught her attention by asking her a sensible and serious question that let her show him a small part of herself that's usually not on display, and then subsequently showed her a bit of his personality through his opinions?

it's those moments that stick in our minds, not the 52nd person to ask us about geography homework. she doesn't know you any better, and you don't know her any better, if you just talk about what's then and there in front of you. getting peoples thoughts, opinions and feelings on a subject with some depth, then sharing your thoughts, opinions and feelings on that subject will make both of you walk away knowing each other a little better.

as for only having a short time for these conversations, whether it's before class or whenever, is a GREAT thing. it's not a disadvantage.

for instance, no introduction, nothing more than a HI or Excuse me

then ask her opinion on whatever it is you've decided to ask

she tells you,

you disagree with parts of it (but in a way that opens up conversation, not just saying "your wrong"). for instance if she says "dating a friends ex is wrong because there is history between them" you could say "but it's just that, i would have thought it was history, if she broke up with him, i would have thought her feelings for the guy aren't that strong, why do you think it would bother your friend if she didn't like him enough to continue the relationship?" (< maybe word that so it doesn't sound so bitter :) we all have our own issues)

then HALFWAY through the conversation, it's time to go to class. you say "you'v brought up some thing's i've never thought of (or your feelings on the matter intrigue me, and i'd love to understand them better), shame we didn't get more time to discuss this, can we continue this after class/ at lunch time/ whatever?"

there you go, its an opening to see her again. it means that when you finally ask for her number/ ask her out on a date, it's not the first time she's met you. also if she finds you interesting (some people won't others will, fact of life) she'll be thinking about you, and the continuation of your discussion till you meet again. you've made her notice you, then left her with an air of mystery, which will make her want to get to know you better.

once you've broken the ice, you just keep talking about different stuff facing you/ facing her/ facing the world in general. oh, and that opens up the friendship. to progress to more, you can either make your intentions clear through asking her on a DATE. or by slowly getting closer to her (physically). watch her body language though, if you move forward a little, say to hear her better or look at a necklace whatever, and she pulls away, well put a little distance back between you. if not, then she's comfortable, and if she moves towards you at the same time, she's interested.

body language speaks louder than conversation. during talking, if there is chemistry, you'll both start getting closer, physical contact is probably a good sign that things are progressing. ohh all this holds true on the date, it's just that if you go on a date, it's clear in her mind that your after a relationship. if you don't, then after you get closer and closer, you have to define your intentions, i.e. i really enjoy seeing you, blah blah blah. the second one is how most my relationships have developed, but that's only because i don't have the confidence to go on a real date until i know the person pretty well.

Overall, you will never get a proper relationship if you don't risk rejection. people are after a PERSON not just a body/ someone that says nice things and speaks about school. you have to show your personality to a person to be able to attract them. but the thing with personalities is that they're not all compatable. you'll have to show a few people and be rejected before you will find someone that finds YOU as a PERSON attractive. way of life. sit there and don't ever get rejected, but you'll still be asking this question forever. or get rejected a few times, BUT the rewards are worth it. even though no relationship lasts forever. the good times will take your breath away. if they don't, your in the wrong relationship :)
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skip all that did ya?

1st. you can't plan what to say if your prerequisites are that it has to be in the immediate "context" of the situation you found her in. because you can't see days in advance what will be happening when you come across a girl.



i can't tell you too many specific things to say, because i am not you. you are you. you know your own opinion on issues.

religious and political issues are great for a firy conversation but can be a bit heavy for some people at certain points in the day.

best bet i think is relationship issues. because girls and guys do view these things differently. and they'r on most peoples minds. and issues about them crop up frequently. read through some posts on this board (ones that aren't your own) and see what relationship issues people are facing. what advice they're looking for, then go ask these things to the girl. for example, there are alot of posts about remaining friends with an ex. good subject.

do i actually have to word these for you? for instance, ask

"if you broke up with a guy after a long relationship, just because the two of you drifted apart, would you expect him/ want him to remain friends?"

or "if a guy broke up with you, would you consider remaining friends?"

or even just "do you think its a good idea to try to continue a friendship with your ex"

another one "excuse me, i need a girls opinion on something, do you think it's a good idea to start dating a close friend"

things like this make sense because your after an opinion on something that's going on in your life. prefferably a female opinion, and she's an intelegent approachable female to ask. it's probably better if these questions relate to a "buddy" because if she thinks your trying to hook up with your best friend, she might not thing it's worth the fight to get your attention.
[QUOTE=mada_3083]ok i'll take this slowly. but it'll be long, try to read the whole thing please, if not, skip to the bottom dotted line and i think it'll be summarised.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

if you want discussion to follow the "context" i.e. discussion related to school when your at school, talking about a party when the group is talking about a party, then you can't plan that stuff because you don't know the exact "context" that everything is in. also if you approach a group, and their talking about a party, if you join in halfway, you'll probably not do too well because there is a backlog of convo you didn't hear. if you interupt (because your dying to get your query answered) you'll get noticed, which as i outline below is good. also means your on the same footing, conversation wise as the rest of the group, and not trying to play catchup. your not trying to "fit in" with these people, your trying to get NOTICED.

there is no magical phrase that will make a relationship happen. oh and you can't plan for it. the more you think on your feet the better you become.

i've never said to tell a stupid joke. not once. nor did i say mention a giraffe or some other such RANDOM conversation. your missing the point of my suggestions. merely ask her opinion on something.

you see context can also relate to the frame of mind either people are in. if your asking her her opinion on whether it's ok for girls to date a friends ex, for example, then she'll just assume that for some reason it's on your mind. the CONTEXT there is that you want/ need a female opinion about an issue facing you/ your buddy, and you just happen to be at school, and specifically, you'd like to hear her opinion. for example the issue is that your buddy is after his ex's friend. ask her opinion on a current issue that's prominent in society or the media, she'll understand that it's on your mind (big news stories are usually on most people's mind). and people love talking about themselves :)

This in turn has a far greater chance of sparking her interest in you than polite conversation about the immediate surroundings. for a start she might wonder why you brought up that particular subject. this is agood thing. anything that makes her think about you is good. especially if it's positive thought like "gee this guy actually cares what i think, i wonder what promted him to ask MY opinion on that".

anyone can walk up to her and ask her how she did in biology, what she thinks of the schools new colour scheme, and what she's got planned on the day off on monday, only you can similtaneously put forward your complex and unique viewpoints on an issue, and show that your interested in her as a person by actually getting to know who she is BEYOND the setting you "found" her in.

who is she more likely to be interested in, just another guy that sat there and said "yes" 100 times as shes talking about matt's party, the weather, and how much mrs mcgregor sucks at maths. Or the guy that caught her attention by asking her a sensible and serious question that let her show him a small part of herself that's usually not on display, and then subsequently showed her a bit of his personality through his opinions?

it's those moments that stick in our minds, not the 52nd person to ask us about geography homework. she doesn't know you any better, and you don't know her any better, if you just talk about what's then and there in front of you. getting peoples thoughts, opinions and feelings on a subject with some depth, then sharing your thoughts, opinions and feelings on that subject will make both of you walk away knowing each other a little better.

as for only having a short time for these conversations, whether it's before class or whenever, is a GREAT thing. it's not a disadvantage.

for instance, no introduction, nothing more than a HI or Excuse me

then ask her opinion on whatever it is you've decided to ask

she tells you,

you disagree with parts of it (but in a way that opens up conversation, not just saying "your wrong"). for instance if she says "dating a friends ex is wrong because there is history between them" you could say "but it's just that, i would have thought it was history, if she broke up with him, i would have thought her feelings for the guy aren't that strong, why do you think it would bother your friend if she didn't like him enough to continue the relationship?" (< maybe word that so it doesn't sound so bitter :) we all have our own issues)

then HALFWAY through the conversation, it's time to go to class. you say "you'v brought up some thing's i've never thought of (or your feelings on the matter intrigue me, and i'd love to understand them better), shame we didn't get more time to discuss this, can we continue this after class/ at lunch time/ whatever?"

there you go, its an opening to see her again. it means that when you finally ask for her number/ ask her out on a date, it's not the first time she's met you. also if she finds you interesting (some people won't others will, fact of life) she'll be thinking about you, and the continuation of your discussion till you meet again. you've made her notice you, then left her with an air of mystery, which will make her want to get to know you better.

once you've broken the ice, you just keep talking about different stuff facing you/ facing her/ facing the world in general. oh, and that opens up the friendship. to progress to more, you can either make your intentions clear through asking her on a DATE. or by slowly getting closer to her (physically). watch her body language though, if you move forward a little, say to hear her better or look at a necklace whatever, and she pulls away, well put a little distance back between you. if not, then she's comfortable, and if she moves towards you at the same time, she's interested.

body language speaks louder than conversation. during talking, if there is chemistry, you'll both start getting closer, physical contact is probably a good sign that things are progressing. ohh all this holds true on the date, it's just that if you go on a date, it's clear in her mind that your after a relationship. if you don't, then after you get closer and closer, you have to define your intentions, i.e. i really enjoy seeing you, blah blah blah. the second one is how most my relationships have developed, but that's only because i don't have the confidence to go on a real date until i know the person pretty well.

Overall, you will never get a proper relationship if you don't risk rejection. people are after a PERSON not just a body/ someone that says nice things and speaks about school. you have to show your personality to a person to be able to attract them. but the thing with personalities is that they're not all compatable. you'll have to show a few people and be rejected before you will find someone that finds YOU as a PERSON attractive. way of life. sit there and don't ever get rejected, but you'll still be asking this question forever. or get rejected a few times, BUT the rewards are worth it. even though no relationship lasts forever. the good times will take your breath away. if they don't, your in the wrong relationship :)
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skip all that did ya?

1st. you can't plan what to say if your prerequisites are that it has to be in the immediate "context" of the situation you found her in. because you can't see days in advance what will be happening when you come across a girl.



i can't tell you too many specific things to say, because i am not you. you are you. you know your own opinion on issues.

religious and political issues are great for a firy conversation but can be a bit heavy for some people at certain points in the day.

best bet i think is relationship issues. because girls and guys do view these things differently. and they'r on most peoples minds. and issues about them crop up frequently. read through some posts on this board (ones that aren't your own) and see what relationship issues people are facing. what advice they're looking for, then go ask these things to the girl. for example, there are alot of posts about remaining friends with an ex. good subject.

do i actually have to word these for you? for instance, ask

"if you broke up with a guy after a long relationship, just because the two of you drifted apart, would you expect him/ want him to remain friends?"

or "if a guy broke up with you, would you consider remaining friends?"

or even just "do you think its a good idea to try to continue a friendship with your ex"

another one "excuse me, i need a girls opinion on something, do you think it's a good idea to start dating a close friend"

things like this make sense because your after an opinion on something that's going on in your life. prefferably a female opinion, and she's an intelegent approachable female to ask. it's probably better if these questions relate to a "buddy" because if she thinks your trying to hook up with your best friend, she might not thing it's worth the fight to get your attention.[/QUOTE]

thanks for the suggestions, so if I understand correctly, you are saying that it takes more than just simple talk about how your day went to build the relationship? Like being more intimate in convos, such as asking more specific and out-of-context questions? It sounds like a good idea given the opportunity and time. I'll have to find topics that I've been thinking about lately.

Now how does this work with women that I do not know at all? Or does it at all?





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