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I've had to take several deep breaths before actually responding to this thread, which BTW, has me amazed.

One poster stated that no one is perfect and you cannot help who you fall in love with. That may be true but to actually fall in love with someone who is not available means you have to actually put yourself in a compromising situation in the first place - a situation you should not be in if 1) you are married or in a committed relationship and 2) you know the other person is married or in a committed relationship.

With that said, let me share with you what it is like to be on the receiving end and what happens with the "family" after a man cheats. I was in a committed relationship to a wonderful man. We moved in together and talked about marriage at some point. He has full custody of his two teenage boys. Unfortunately, he has a mental illness, cycled into a very serious depression, and got triggered by his unresolved childhood trauma. Not to make excuses for him but his judgment was clouded and he strayed.

I had no intentions on giving up on him prior to finding out about this. I took care of the kids when he was too sick to get out of bed. I woke up every morning loving him despite the fact that I no longer recognized him. The man I fell in love with was still somewhere inside and I did what I could to be there for him. Once he cheated, I ended the relationship.

This is now causing a chain reaction.

He is going to have to move (he cannot afford to keep the apartment we have paying the rent by himself - I can at least get a roommate). We live in an expensive town so he is most likely going to have to move to another town. His younger son is devastated. He cannot understand why he and his Dad have to leave - again. (They moved from out of state two years ago just before we met). He has just adjusted to a new school, made new friends, and has a girlfriend.

The older son moved back with his Mom, an unstable woman who's husband just got out of jail.

All because of "another woman" who did not care.

The truck I cosigned a loan for now has to be sold because I will not be a cosignor on a loan with someone I am no longer in a relationship with. So who knows what kind of vehicle he will have to get.

He HAS to be on medication for his illness (he has bipolar, depression, serious migraines, etc.) and most likely he will go off of them once he's on his own - that is his pattern. It is dangerous for him to be off of his meds.

He will also most likely stop his therapy (because of his depression, he does not understand or accept responsibility for his mistakes) because he has just given up. However, I realize I can no longer enable him or be responsible for him.

His two sons, who finally learned to trust an adult female (me) will most likely have a problem now because they don't know what happened. They only know that all of a sudden, I'm the cause of their lives being in an upheval.

And let's not forget about the devastation I am going through. I love this man (still) with all my heart but respect myself to not be with someone who can cheat. Who knows how I will respond in future relationships.

So to the original poster, you stated not to judge and that you are really a good girl or whatever it is that you said - if that is true, and I am really trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here, then what are you thinking? Granted it takes two so you are not the only one here but think about his family. If he wants to hang himself fine, but what gives you the right to deliberately seek out advice to try to break up a family. Whenever I heard there were kids involved..... :nono: , my God, think about that. And think about my situation. I'll most likely heal enough to go on and find someone else. What about the children?

Your blatant disregard for how this will affect 3 other people (the kids and his wife) is just astounding.

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