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Relationship Health Message Board


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QUOTE=SophiaM]LittleRose again gave the perfect advice :) I am a little put off about the second guy making such an outlandish assumption that the combinatin of not being religious and being attractive equals infidelity. Please. :rolleyes: But, you never know what people went through, ect. so he may be basing this statement on something that happened to him or someone he knows in the past. If you like him otherwise, I think you should still go out with him. If you don't want to commit to dinner at this point (which I can't blame you because I would be the same way), then maybe say "Let's start with a drink and we'll see how things go from there, ok?" As for the first guy who wants to know where "things are at" after only a couple of dates...gosh...I understand you being put off by that. Perhaps he doesn't know if you are interested in him in more than a platonic way, but come on, what does he expect after two or three dates??? I think your response to him was very good. It's waaay too much pressure to know where things are at right now. How could you know? It's ridiculous.

Ironically, something very similar just happened to me. Frankly, I just don't understand men. Why do they have to be either not interested or completely overeager? I went out with this guy for a drink a few days ago, and we were having a decent conversation, so I agreed to have dinner with him afterwards. I wasn't blown away by him or anything but thought we had a pleasant evening and was willing to go out again to get to know him better. Now, the next day he sent me flowers to my work!!!! Unfortunately I don't work there anymore; it was my old job and he probably found the address through a search engine. They called me from the old job saying there was a flower delivery for me there. I was not even anywhere near that part of the city that day cause I had to work on a project for my class so I had to call the guy and tell him I can't receive the flowers! Talk about embarrassment on all fronts. I felt so horrible and guilty and I completely lost any desire to see that guy again. My friend says I'm a horrible person for that. To make matters worse, this guy now keeps calling; he even called today, Sat. morning shortly after 9 am (I was still sleeping!) and left a message that he had some kind of question to ask me. Now I'm completely freaked out. :eek: I really don't want to go out with him anymore, but he was SO nice with the dinner and flowers... What do I do? I don't even want to call him back, in fact, but I know I have to. What should I tell him without looking like a total witch? Sorry to post this on your thread, Stacy, but it looks like a very similar situation, only one that has escalated more..[/QUOTE]

All three of you lovely ladies gave the perfect advice! I couldn't agree more with literally everything you've said, and it helps SO much to be able to get your input on this kind of stuff. It's so nice not to feel like I'm blindly feeling my way through this dating stuff (because all in all, I don't have much experience just dating and being single) all on my own, but instead like I have wonderful and wise friends that I can always count on to provide just the right advice :). Anyway Sophia please don't apologize for posting here! I'm always interested and happy to hear what you've been up to and I definitely hope you will keep us posted!

Can I ask which friend told you that you were a horrible person because of the flower thing? I hope it wasn't your toxic friend, but in any event, I couldn't disagree more with that. You had absolutely no reason to expect him to send flowers to a work address...and knowing Manhattan, they'd have to be flowers made out of $100 bills for me to traipse all across the city to get a bouquet! I agree with you that it's a little much for him to have done that after only one date...and why in the world is it that guys either go way overboard or way underboard (if that's even a word)? Anyway, I don't think you should feel REMOTELY guilty about the flowers or about being turned off by his overeagerness...I'd feel exactly the same way if I was you. That's just overkill to call so much on top of the flowers, definitely a big turnoff, and I think you're best off steering clear of him from now on lest he turn into an even more enthusiastic semi-stalker. Unless you really liked him, I think you should avoid seeing him again...personally I tend to use the no contact approach until they get the hint, as sometimes the persistent ones take an email as a sign that they just need to be more aggressive about persuading you to date them again. The last thing you need is to encourage some guy like that to bother you even more than he already has, especially since you were only lukewarm about him. Remember that you owe him absolutely nothing...he's the one who is lucky to have had the enjoyment of an evening of your time! Unless you'd regret not seeing him again, I'd suggest cutting your losses and not talking to him again. And no matter what you decide, please don't let anyone make you feel guilty when you've done absolutely nothing wrong except not being crazy about a guy you met on a blind date.

I'm afraid I'd inadvertently made the mistake of encouraging the second guy I mentioned in much the same way, by replying to his emails and trying to be polite. He seems to take that as a sign that it's cool to send me like half a dozen one or two sentence emails per day :rolleyes:...and Hiya, your comment about the grammar cracked me up and is right on point. I'm kind of a stickler for grammar, because it's important to me that a guy be intelligent, educated, and articulate. The first guy is okay about that, but I'm really only lukewarm on him, and I think you might be right that his email was a veiled way of saying--"what's the deal here? come on, hurry up and sleep with me, I've already taken you out twice!" Either that or heís expecting me to date him exclusively, but now that I think about it, Iím just not that into him, definitely not enough to give up my other dating adventures! 
I'm pretty turned off by both of them to be honest, and the second one's grammar is even worse than the first's! Not to mention that I totally agree with you and Sophia that his assumption about cheating is way off base (and indicates a simplistic way of thinking about morality that turns me off big time), especially since he also mentioned that his last GF cheated on him in his profile! :eek: The only reason I'm talking with him at all is because he's cute and he keeps weird hours like me, but I think I'll cut that one off and probably pass on the first guy as well. Thanks again for your support, Sophia, Nini and LittleRose, and I really appreciate your always great advice. LR, I really needed to hear what you said in the beginning of your post right now (as Iím starting to be a little cynical and perhaps too quick to rule guys out) though I donít know how your intuition managed to be so on point! I have a feeling that when I meet the right guy, Iíll just know, or at least sense potentialÖthough Iíve also heard that sometimes relationships can blossom gradually with people who donít immediately bowl you over. Iím going to keep an open mind, but Iíd be pretty happy just dating for the time being without getting exclusive with any one guy.

LR, youíre also right that itís important to strike a balance between not being too into them too soon and not scaring them off by letting them know Iím dating a lot of guys casually right now. I made the mistake of telling the guy I saw tonight that Iíd triple booked dates when I talked to him last weekend, and I think that was a big mistake. Oh well, you always learn something from every date, even the short triple booked ones! Anyway, I liked the guy I met tonight a lot, but it was hard to gauge whether he took me seriously and whether he was intimidated by the fact that I date a lot. I didnít realize this, but as itís a lot easier for girls to get dates online than for guys who have to do most of the pursuing, youíre probably right on, LR, about them not dating as many people at one time. The guy tonight brought it up and seemed kind of insecure about me dating other guys, almost like he was overcompensating trying to seem like he didnít care, but asking a lot of questions about it nonetheless. I think I might have blown it before we even met, though he did seem to enjoy himselfÖI guess only time will tell! Anyway, thanks again, ladies, and I hope your weekends all went well. Iíll definitely keep you posted and be back hoping for more great advice!





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