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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hey Stacy! I just wanted to quickly give you my support in your decision to start dating in the way that you are: short dates, several in one night. It makes things quite efficient! But I do need to give you a quick warning as well, and it's only because I'm the romantic, dreamer-type and these are the things I think of... Don't let this de-sensitize you. Hard to explain. Don't allow yourself to start thinking of dating in superficial terms. Keep your heart and mind always open to the one moment in time when you meet HIM and your life just changes- just like that. I wouldn't want you to experience such an incredible thing and then have to cut things short because of other dates! Just remember that if it happens, and you meet HIM, instantly jump out of your dating routine.
Okay, now on to the new guys. The first thing I thought of in regards to both of them is that they are not dating in the same way you are. They aren't double-booking and going on 3 dates a night. They have more invested in you, if that makes any sense. And there's nothing wrong with either approach! To you, they are just 2 "candidates" or "possibilities". You are not thinking in serious terms about them, and they could be thinking that way about you. It's important for you to decide if you'd like to pursue something with either of them. It sounds to me like the second guy isn't really your type, with all the religious qualities and all. If you only have a slight amount of interest in them, then you should go ahead and let them know that you're dating on a very casual basis right now and just getting to know people and you're not ready to give them any kind of exclusivity in dating. Because that's what it sounds like they are looking for. They're wondering what's going on between you and them. They want to know if you are interested in more. The thing is, if you ARE interested in more with one of them, then I would hold of on telling them you are dating several different guys on a casual basis right now. That would drive them away almost instantly. Men don't like competition, nor do they like being intimidated by women. They will most likely back off from you. So like I said, if you don't mind them backing off then tell them all this. If you want one (or both) to stick around... well then you've got to let them know that you are definitely interested and you'd like to go out again. As far as identifying "what's going on", explain to them that you're in the process of figuring that out! And that's why you'd like to see them again. It's not enough to scare them away, but enough to keep them intrigued until you decide how you feel about them.
Good luck with the dating!





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