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Relationship Health Message Board


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Good luck, just be prepared and careful with your heart, OK? It's better to keep your expectations realistic and even low so you'll be surprised if things go well than to expect your ideal outcome and risk being deeply disappointed. One thing that strikes my mind thinking over this is how I felt when I went away on a cruise without my last boyfriend. Our relationship was still pretty new, but he couldn't have been more supportive or encouraging, and every day I was away from him, I fell more and more deeply in love with him. By the time I got home any possible doubts I'd had were gone and we both just knew we needed to be together. So I really wouldn't blame the cruise...if all was well in general, being on a romantic trip would only make her miss you and treasure you more. I remember experiencing this with past boyfriends with whom things were less rosy, but nonetheless, I missed them greatly while away on a romantic vacation without them. I don't want to be pessimistic, but I think you should be prepared for the likelihood that she has firmly made up her mind and won't be reconsidering her decision to break it off. It sounds like she was leaning that way and the trip may have given her the time and space she needed to make a definite decision about which way she wanted to go, which would explain why she avoided calling you. I really don't mean to be negative here, but I did think it might help if I shared my experiences being on her side of things with you so you can try to keep your expectations realistic. When a relationship is solid and promising, absense during a romantic trip usually makes the heart go fonder...I'm worried for you that she seemed to move in the opposite direction. I really really hope everything works out for the best, but I'm not super confident that what's best for you will involve this girl.

My advice is to assume the worst case scenario, that she sticks to her decision, because at this point unfortunately I'd guess that's more likely than her changing her mind, and preparing for the worst will leave you room to be pleasantly surprised if she turns around and realizes she made a mistake. It will also allow you to cope and accept her decision with more composure, dignity, and preparedness if she refuses to change her mind. I'm really sorry you're going through this; I can imagine how painful and stressful and confusing it must be for you. As hard as this may be to face, everything will turn out for the best in the long run. If she decides to end things for good, it will be horrible for awhile, but ultimately you will be better off knowing now that she's not committed to the relationship and being freed now (rather than prolonging your attachment and thus misery if things were to stretch on then end later) to heal, move on, and find a woman who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with her. You deserve nothing less than a woman who loves and wants you to the same degree you love and want her, and please don't forget or compromise that...if you have to beg a woman to stay with you even though she doesn't really want to, then she's obviously not the right woman for you. So please realize that this is out of your hands to some degree and that her decision will ultimately be for the best...you can only show her you love her and are willing to make changes and hope she feels the same way. And if not, you will get over this, you will move on, and you will find love again that will make you happier than you can imagine possible at this point. Good luck and hang in there!





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