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Some of you may remember my previous thread asking about long term relationships and the effects on lust.

Well I have been regularlly bringing up the subject with my girlfriend. I have been bringing up physical attention, pulblic displays of affection, passionite kisses, intiatining sex, and the effort put in to sex in general. Before it was us just not coming to some sort of understand or clicking. Last night I believe it turned into manipulative crap and that is when I snapped.

Yesterday I bought myself a hat that I had been searching for years for. I think it offended my gilfriend that I spent $20 on myself. Which over the past month I have bought a cd and this hat. Meanwhile I have bought her flowers, nail polish, pretty smelling lotion, took her to play pool, and bought her a cheap $6.00 movie from wal-mart. Also I have spent around $100 the past month on gas picking her up.

Yesterday night when I came to get her. She stated that she had a movie for "us" that she bought from the cheap $6.00 bin at wal-mart. She bought "Teen Witch". I watch ALOT of chick flicks with her. I seriously don't mind if they have a decent story. She notified me that I would probably hate this one. Which left me really in question of why do I want to watch it with this discloser. I got up at 4:30 am and I was falling asleep for the last half an hour because had had been up for 20+ hours.

We went to bed. I woke up a little because my eyes were not infront of that horriable corny movie. I was testing the waters and she seemed to be in the mood. She had been eating chips and even got up to brush her teeth. We hugged and kissed a bit and it seemed to be going in that direction. I almost believe she got me going a little just to purposely fall asleep. She did fall asleep.

While taking her home I stated that I think I will just pretend I am a virgin. I will just masterbate once a day like when I was a virgin. It is not worth getting shot down 4 or 5 times a week. It is not worth the pain. She rolled her eyes. Shortly after she responded with well everyone gets their feelings hurt. You feel asleep in my movie. I said you bought it knowing I didn't want to watch it. She than shut the conversation down like she alwas does. I drove her the rest of the way home. We said our goodbyes and I love yous.

On the phone. She called me to say goodnight like she always does. We talked normall for a few minuets and I played along with the ignoring plan. I than wanted to just bring up the movie subject. Just that subject isolated. I said to her you know I don't mind watching chick flicks/ girly movies with you if they are half way decent. You knew I would not like that one yet you bought it for us anyway. I don't make you sit through corny action movies. That was selfish of you to buy that and call it for "us". She than mentioned the hat and my cd. I said the differance their is I didn't buy it with the expectation that we were going to share it. I bought it for myself not for us. You stated the movie was for us.

Some how the sex thing got brought up. I don't remeber exactly by who.

Here is where I snapped. I stated yeah this sexual relationship sucks. If a year ago it was a "10" it is now a "2". She than made the trheat keep going and see if I have sex with you again. At that point I really felt like I had anything to lose. I stated all I do is get shot down all week. I said she doesn't do any foreplay. It is always me kissing and rubbing her body all over. I put in all of the effort (for her climaxing too) I said during sex you are like a dead body you just lay their and let me do all the work. Her favorite position is where we are on the side because it hurts her less. Unless she is super excited I also only get about 1/3 of myself in. Which for me doesn't feel the greatist . She also has her back to me which is unintimate. She hardly reachs over and touchs me. You know what she does? She massages her clitiours while I am doing the rest of the work. I told her again that the sexual relationship sucks. We hung up and have not spoke since.

Is it all about sex? No, it isn't I am not that shallow. It does count for something. I gave this girl my virginity and a little over a year later my sexual relationship has burnt out. I asked her along time ago what percentage of the relationship does she think sex is.... she answered 50%/50%!!!!!!!! I answered something like 25% sex and 75% other stuff. So in her eyes what happened to 50% of our relationship. I am 24 years old and this relationship is far to short and I am far to young to be living the married lifestyle when it comes to sex. You know the kind where they guy has to intiate all the time. The woman is too tired or has a headache. The only time we do it is at late a night. We don't have kids... I really wonder why always before we fall asleep? Is it that much of a burden?

The thing that made me really snap is the mess and manipulation. Like how my hat was related to the movie and the movie was related to sex. Come on, she needs to grow up. Lets not let everything be the same subject. I bought my hat because I rarely treat myself. She bought a movie that she knew I didn't want to watch for whatever reason?? I fell asleep in the last part of the movie because I was bored out of my mind and tired. She doesn't want to have sex lately because.... ????? All diffearant subjects here. Yet to her than are all the same.

I am serching deep here. A huge subject was her moving in. She stated she would last july and than changed her mind. She also had given me a handfull of other times. But July was a promise to move in and she never did. Than in August I demanded that she at least give me a time frame of when this will happen. I was tired of living in this complete black box of not knowing when. I was not giving her an ultimatium to move in right than or there. I firgured since she promised she was going to move and and broke that promise she at least owed me a new time frame. We came up with the end of November of this year when she turns 22 years old. The moving in subject has been a great deal of conflict for the past year. She knows that if she changed her mind again it would be over between us. She has jerked me around for a year.

I am wondering if she is having her second thoughts or something. Maybe in attempt to some how make it so she doesn't have to move in she will desrtoy our sexual relationship. Maybe she is insecure that I only want her for sex. From your point of view it is a valid insecurity from my point of view it is crazy. So to try and finally iron out this inscurity she is going to put on this little test? No matter what it is not healthy to make such drastic changes and not give a person a reason why. Not counting the past month. The past 6 months of our relationship we had sex 3 to 5 times a week. Than it suddenly changed into 1 to 2 times a week. I have asked her countless times what is going on.

What really got me upset is her tying in my hat, to the movie and than the movie being tied into sex. Also what got me upset was me the tought of her manipulation. If manipulation was the case I shut that down by me saying I will just masturbate from now on. We are adults here for crying out loud. Unforunatlly her communication and emoiontal coping skills are not quite there.

I guess I don't really have any questions. Except from what I wrote does it seem like she has ill hearted motives? That she is purposely shutting off our sexual relationship in hopes of acomplishing something?
It has been well over an hour from when she got home from work and she hasn't called. I am sure she is going to try and make me feel guilty for how and what I said last night on the phone about our sex life. I tried bring it up to her plenty of times over the past months. I had also consisantly brought it up over the past month. I have also asked if she could do certain things that she used to do in bed for months. She doesn't have a fear of these sexual things she is just damn lazy.

People are probably thinking damn this guy is shallow. It is not just about sex. It is not like that. Sex is a mirror of our relationship. The way she acts in bed is the way she acts in the rest of the relationship. So sex is just a tool to more easily address the problem of her being selfish and lazy. It is really obvious to identify that she is lazy and selfish in bed. It is harder to address that in our emotional relationship.

If I had not been lightly but directly bringing up the subject for the past month I would say definitly say last night was uncalled for. But I have brought this up a handfull of times. She either ignores it or hardly addresses it. She never understands that their are reprocutions for ignoring someones feelings over a long term period.

Also I just feel like I am way to young to be feeling so OLD. We work differant schdedules. I get off work at around 5 pm. She gets off work at 9pm and isn't ready to see me until usually 10pm. I go to bed at around 12:00am to 1:00am. On her days off do I get to come see her at an earlier time? Say like when I get off work? No, on her days off I come get her around 9pm. On my days off does she come visit me on her way to work since she doesn't have to be their until 12:00pm..... Nope!

I gave this girl my virginity 1 year and three months ago. I was 22 years old a virgin and I had never been in a relationship before. Looking back I would have done it differantly if I would have know that this was going to happen in such a short period of time. When I gave her my virginity I didn't have any expectations, except one. That I would probably be living a healthy sexual lifestyle for years to come with her. So at the age of 24 it is like I am married, in my 40's and with kids. I am the pathetic husband who is practically grobbeling for sex before we go to bed? It should have not turned out like this.

.... I really don't need SELFISH and LAZY

Like so many have stated so many times I am starting to realize she will probably never change. That just breaks me heart to pieces.


edit: Something I forgot to mention. On a regular basis she has been having nightmirrors of me sleeping with other people. Nightmirrors where she catches me in the act and such.

What does this mean? She is insescure? Other than that I really don't know and I don't know why she is insecure? All I do know is their obviously is a problem. Knowing her their is little hope for getting to the bottom of this probelm and working our way past it.





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