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Hi Orion, I personally couldn't think you're less shallow, and I doubt anyone who took the time to research your entire story would reach that conclusion either. You might be a little stubborn in only wanting to see the best in the woman you love and your relationship, but that's very common and admirable (as long as it doesn't get to the point where you start compromising yourself and ignoring the fact that you aren't being treated with the love, respect, and consideration you deserve, at which point it can backfire and sabotage your happiness). In fact I think you've been much more understanding, forgiving, and accepting than almost anyone else I know has ever been in their relationships. Since your recent threads have focused primarily on your physical relationship, I can understand why some posters might assume that your main concerns are sexual, but in the context of all your past threads, I'd definitely agree that your physical complaints are not the only or even the major problem but instead her attitude towards sex is representative of her attitude toward many other aspects of your relationship. If I may, I'd like to quote a few of your other complaints and point out that there are a variety of your concerns which are serious and demonstrative of a pattern that your GF isn't (and generally hasn't been) putting in as much effort and care to sustaining your relationship and making you happy as you do. Your compaints are quite rightly not only centered around sexual problems, despite the fact that people who only read your last few threads might not realize there are other important issues that have come up repeatedly as well. Anyway, I hope it's okay with you if I mention what I see those issues as being, because I would really like to hear your perspective on some of her behavior which you've detailed in the past.

OK, the first thing bothers me is that she always expects you to come pick her up, entertain and drive her around all night, then bring her home in the middle of the night just so she can technically avoid staying over or living at your house. As you have said, "Except for a day here and there when we are argueing we spend every single day together...I have picked her up from her house either right when I get off work or ealier in the afternoon. Than we spend the whole day together. We eat dinner together. Watch some movies, hang out, watch tv ect and than we go to bed. At 3am to 4am we wake up and I drive her home. After I drive her home we talk on the phone for awhile until we fall asleep. We do this process every single day...She owes her mom like a thousand dollars. Today it hurt me because she will not borrow $10 for gas to come see me for the next week. I have drove her for 7 months straight. When I live on my own and usually have between $100 and $200 of extra money I would spend like $60 of it a month picking her up and dropping it off. When she lives at home, has food and has any where from $400 to $600 of extra money per month. I have be saying for a few months now that I want her to drive her self over for awhile. She threatens with "than you just might not see me very often." She is an 21 year adult." To me it seems like she is expecting you to not only be willing to drop everything according to her schedule but also wants you to put in all the effort as far as driving and cover all the expenses involved in you picking her up and taking her home each and every day. That doesn't seem very fair or equal to me, though I know that post was a few months old--have things improved any in this area?

While you go out of your way to make her feel special, adored, and cherished, she doesn't seem to reciprocate those efforts and celebrate any holidays or relationship milestones by honoring you, giving you a gift, spending extra time with you, or even just trying to make you feel extra special and loved. As you said when she failed to celebrate your anniversary or birthday, "She has let me down so many times. A week ago was our 1 year anniversary. We both got of work at 6:30 pm. It seemed like she avoided me until 9:30pm. I got upset because of her wasting the night away and our anniversary was ruined. She did nothing to make it up to me. She has also said she was going to do something on our anniversary because she basically neglected my birthday, valentines day, and christmas...After our aniversery I broke up with her for a few days. Than she called me crying histerically upset to come get her. Than a week later I catch her sending a sexy picture of her to some other man. Does this girl not have a concious. I am tired of it. I have no respect in this relationship."

Yet no matter how little money you have, you seem to make a consistent effort to show you how much you cherish and appreciate her, as you've explained: "The problem with my relationship in a nut shell is I feel like I do most of the giving and she does most of the taking. Even with this feeling she complains about the amount and what I do. I guess I will provide some examples. A few months after meeting her for the first time in my life I had and still am fiancially unstable. I still try to make lots of efforts in giving and letting her know I love her. When we used instant messenger pretty often I would write her paragraphs on how much I love her. I have wrote her a few poems. I have left nice and sweet notes on her car. I have drawn her picutres saying I love you that take hours. For her birthday I spent hours thinking of something in my budget and romantic. I even spent extra time on a romantic way to present it. For the past 6 months I have picked her up and dropped her off at her house every single day and drove us every where we go. In the beggining of the relationship I took her to the drive in, offered to take her to dinner around 5 or 6 times but she declined, I drove us to lake tahoe to go hiking, I have taken her to a movie, I have rented dozens of movies. A few times I have bought her a rose and once I bought her a nice flower plant to just say I love you. For christmas I spent every hour of my lunch from work writting her soft poetic romatic things in a book. It kinda was a daily diary on how much I love her. I spent a month+ and probably 20 hours on that diary. For valentines day even though I was seriously broke I bought her a rose, a cheescake she commented on the day before, and I spent around an hour drawing on a car being romantic. She on the other hand has not done much at all. She never bought me a birthday, xmas, or valentines day presant. I can't think of anything romantic that she has done. She has wrote a few quick quick notes saying I love you but that is all I can remember. She has never taken me out once. I made LOTS of effort to bring my parents and her together.... I have never met her parents"

On top of that, her family seems to treat you with blatant disrespect and even unwarranted contempt, and I have a hard time advocating that anyone stay with a partner whose family seems unlikely to accept them...here's what you've said about the way her family treats you that sticks out in my mind: "Something else that is really on my mind is her family. We have been together for 1 year and 1 month. I have been in her house like 2 or 3 times for like a few minuets max. I pick her up every day at her house and have been doing so for 8 months. I sit out in my truck and wait for her like a dog in the rain. Her parents never invite me in. They have never invite me to dinner... nothing. When I call they ask in a rude way "who is this?". Yesterday I got her dad on the phone and I stated my name and he didn't even know who I was. I had to say "karen's boyfriend". Her brother is a little snot. I call to speak to her and he will tell me she isn't home when she is. Her sister is a lair. I have spoke to her shortly about our relationship and than she makes up a bunch of lies about what I said. It seems every time I am on the phone with my girlfriend I have to compete with her mother. Her mother is always interupting my conversation with complete pointless crap."

You've also mentioned that whenever you have any concerns or that you want to discuss, she tends to be completely unwilling to even really listen, much less have a mature conversation about the issues that need to be addressed. You mentioned this with particular reference to your sexual dissatisfaction but it seems to hold true in other aspects of your relationship as well: "Another subject I need to put in the relationship health section is her inhabillity to address any of my problems. She has mentioned many times that her mom is not emotionally their for her. Today I told her she is exactly like her mom. Anytime I have a problem she just turns her head and walks away from it. I am so frustrated on so many levels." Do you still feel the same way about these relatively recent quotes and issues? If you haven't seen much or any progress to date on her part in terms on being unselfish and attentive to your needs, I think you might need to realize that you need to look elsewhere to receive that kind of love and care that you so freely give out. Take good care, Orion...:)





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