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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

There are many who argue that you can't change a man and you should accept him as he is.
I disagree. I tend to be a little more proactive about the situation. You see, men are constantly learning and growing! Some behaviors are very tough to change, and some are easier. Just as someone can successfully quit smoking, they can also successfully learn to pick up after themselves. I support the theory of men being like dogs... able to be trained if done properly. Why give up on the relationship before you've done all you can to make it work?
Here's what I would do:
Work it little by little. Take one small thing and focus on that first. For instance, putting his clothes in the laundry basket. When you see him throw his clothes on the floor, instantly draw his attention to the behavior. Chances are he doesn't even realize he's doing it. He's not thinking at all. Make him aware of it, make him look at how messy it makes the room look, and show him how with little to NO additional effort, he can toss his clothes in the basket instead! Maybe make the basket easily accessable and out in the open. Work on this ONE THING for as long as it takes him to develop the habit, then move on to the next thing. Once the good habit is created, it won't fade away so easily! That's what you are really doing... creating good habits in him.
I changed so many things when I met my boyfriend, and they were all to my benefit. I quit smoking, started packing a lunch every day for work, started eating breakfast, and took up drinking green tea instead of coffee. All those bad habits, I just broke and replaced with new ones. Your boyfriend can do the same. You just have to nudge him a bit. And don't be afraid to offer a reward when he does a good job. Don't make him feel like a dog getting a treat, make the reward more subtle. That way he might subconsciously develop an association between the good behavior and the reward!
You can do it. Don't give up!!

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