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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hi Sophia, I agree that there's nothing wrong with wanting your husband to check in if he goes on vacation, but it sounds like Shelly was saying those wives didn't let their husbands go on trips without them at all. That really is pathetic in my opinion, as are all people who don't have any life outside their relationships and are so clingy and insecure they refuse to allow their partners to do anything without them. The only reason I can see why a wife wouldn't let her husband go away with her friends is because she has nothing going on in her own life, and it sounds like Guy's GF is well on her way to becoming this kind of wife. I agree with the other posters who said you should probably end this relationship, as it doesn't sound like you want to spend the rest of your life with her, and I don't blame you whatsoever.

Someone with no life other than you, with nothing better to do than sit around and wait for you to come home, who is so insecure that she can't stand to be away from you, who won't let you go away without her and gets upset when you want to be in a different part of the house, is someone who is way too clingy and needy to make you happy in the long run. Revolving your entire life around your relationship and having no interests, friends, hobbies, etc. of your own will inevitably make for either a miserable relationship or eventually destroy it. I lived with my ex and in retrospect, I made a mistake by not maintaining a more independent life and having more going on outside of him and what we did together. But if your GF is getting more and more insecure and demanding of your time and attention, she's only going to get worse over time.

It'd be nice to think you could change her by talking to her and explaining how her clinginess turns you off and makes you unsure about whether you want to be with her permanently, but I don't think it would work. You can't just talk someone into having a fulfilling, independent life of her own if she's not inclined to be content and keep busy on her own. It sounds like she just doesn't have much of a life and is therefore way too dependent on you to provide her with one, and I think you should run far away from a woman like that (or any woman who would want to marry a man who wasn't completely ready and sure about committing to her). Imagine how boring the rest of your life would be if you married this woman and all she had going on her life was you. A relationship just can't be healthy and satisfying for both partners unless they each have their own independent interests and activities to keep them occupied, give them a variety of topics to talk about, and make sure they don't become too clingy and dependent on each other. Your GF sounds like she can't be happy when you're apart, like she revolves her whole world around you...since she gets upset whenever you're not paying attention to her, it also sounds like she depends completely on you to make her happy, and marriage is just another thing she expects from you in order to make her happy. But in order for YOU to be happy, you need to find a partner who is happy and content on her own, for whom you add to and enrich her life rather than become her entire life and completely responsible for her happiness.

Your instincts are preventing you from wanting to marry your current GF for a reason: you intuitively sense that a needy and dependent woman will make a smothering and boring wife, which is exactly the opposite of what would make you (and just about every other man or woman) happy in a marriage or long term relationship. Remember, people don't change as they settle down and as they grow older and more comfortable in their relationship; instead, they become more like they already are. People who depend on others in order to be happy are never very interesting or independent people, and they tend to be impossible to keep happy in the long run as they keep demanding more and more from their partners in order to fill the deep voids in their lives. In my opinion, you won't be content in the long run with this woman, she'll only keep sucking more and more life out of you because she doesn't have a life of her own. Please don't be lured into marrying someone who you know isn't the kind of woman who will provide you with a continually, fulfilling, interesting, and evolving relationship in the long run. If she was the right woman for you, you'd already be sure you couldn't live without her, and you'd be certain that you wanted to marry her...listen to your instincts and remember that while you can probably still marry her if you change your mind, it's a lot harder to get divorced if you later realize she's not the right woman for you.

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