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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=ibeeshell]Guy, I am married to a independent man and I am the same. We have our loving relationship, but we have our healthy seperate hobbies too. He is an advid hunter and every year he is not around for 6ish weeks. The first 10 days I don't see him and rarely hear from him as he is with a large group of his friends, they are camping and hunting. He then hunts with our boys from home during the next few and is gone agin the last 10 days with his buddies. But he has more then a few friends who are NOT ALLOWED to do this, due to controlling women, and I find their wives pathetic!!!

I myself go out with friends on occasion. I scrapbook regularly, shop with my friends, and am really social. I walk every night with a group and our dogs. It would drive me insane to sit home and wait for him or sit home and stare at him constantly!

This is not about you needing to "get over yourself" or being a "commitmentphobe" it's about whether you have the right partner or not. You sound pretty levelheaded and I'm thinking that if she were to have more interests outside of the home, you would be putting that ring on her finger.

Insecurity sure has a way of ruining relationships. I think Susie is right.[/QUOTE]

Well, it's great it works for you and your husband since you both are equally "independent," but in general, I think it would take a very rare marriage to not hear from your husband who's on a trip in over a week and feel content with it. Seems like both you and your husband have an unusually low desire for closeness, which is fine since you're both on the same page, but I think it's not fair to the wives of the other guys to call them "pathetic" just because they want to hear from their husbands more frequently and worry about them. I have a friend who's happilly married and lives in another state, but when she came over here to visit me for a week, her husband would call every day, sometimes twice a day, just to check in and talk to her. That's because he loves her and wanted to make sure she's ok, and missed her. I would find it extremely strange not to talk to one's spouse, or even a boyfriend, for 10 days or more. This is more an exception rather than the rule, so I don't think Guy should take this as any kind of standard in what's typical in a marriage and then see his own girlfriend in an unfavorable light because of this. To me, both being clingy to an unhealthy extent and being too independent can be equally detrimental to a relationship, unless the couple has the same expectations in this matter.





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