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Heartlandguy - your post was really good. Susique, Sophia, Ruth, Vintage,
Goody thank you for your support...

PAULISTA - you are so right with your post too...
My ex-husband WAS my bestfriend. The only MAN I could ever trust and count on. We were just young when we were married, two different people, I was wild while he was laid back - In his eyes I did no wrong.
We were bestfriends for 4 years before even dating, he got a girlfriend I got jealous and just didn't want to lose his friendship so I married him.
He was not a bad husband at all - I was just a young immature girl, he was more like a father figure to me although he was only 4 years older then me.
I lost my father when I was 8 so when I met him, he added so much to my life that filled the void I lacked I think that is why we remained so close even after our divorce and of course the fact that we shared a child.
What a Great Dad He Was..
I never ever had to worry about my son why he was with his Dad, god did he take such good care of him..Anyting I ever needed he was there for me. I never tooked advantage of his kindness, I'm just not that kind of woman.
Knowing that he was there was a fullfillment in my life.

I am at a lost without him. Over the years while my son turned into a teenmonster (right GOODY) we had our differences and many arguements over our son - he just loved him so much, spoiled him, never punished him but taught him many things in life. I was the Hard Parent - so our stupid fights were like any two family parenting - fighting over the dicipline.
BUT we always made up the following day....That was unique in it self.

When I dated guys - he stayed away so that he would not interfer with a "potienal" relationship. That was just the way he was. Going through his belonging recently I found many pictures of US that I thought he had thrown away.......HE DIDN'T.

My son and I have gotten closer again, we take rides, go out to dinner, have been spending alot of time together talking, crying, sharing our thoughts.
I wish I could take away my son's pain...IT JUST ISN'T FAIR!
Now, every time I see a motorclyce I freakin CRY! I'm a Harley rider but out of respect for my ex and my son - I'm done for the season. I'll see how the mood hits me next Spring. But for now I can't think about it.

As for my current situation with my Husband ( I just got married in June)
I left him for the weekend. HE NEVER CALLED..................I was surprised.
I decided to come back home - to OUR HOUSE to not make more of a mess out of my life or my son's. We didn't speak for two days, and finally last night
we had our confrontation - I was ready for a divorce. I just don't see how he can repair the damage he has caused our relationship..I didn't get married so I can be treated like a child, swearing at me, calling me a loser...If I'm such a LOSER why on earth did he marry me? I let him know I was prepared for anything, I don't have much to offer at this time to my marriage...
All my energy is in my Son right now, I don't need to baby a Grown Man.
He did apologise, does not want a divorce and wants to get through this.
I do too - but I'm not the type of woman to take crap, get sweared at or put down. I don't have it in me to work at this relationship - I put so much into it for the past 7 years - I dealt with his Drinking Issues, I dealt with his visitations with his children, his family issues, HIS LIFE it was always about HIM and I was always there every step of the way, guiding him, supporting him, loving him, and dealing with his Physco ex-wife. I have had enough in my life time....THEN.................This happens.....on top of trying to raise a teenage son - That sucks too! Its all about THEM........it's been hard but I have always managed to think positive, move forward, and now I'm a lost puppy............How to get through all this is beyond me - one day at a time.

I will try, I won't give up, but I'm just not that Happy Person at the moment.
Damn tears have aged me more then I would like - LOL.....

Everyone has been so kind I just don't know how to react to all of this.
Heard an old song the other day too - reminded me of my ex, Guns & Roses
"sweet child of mine" that was our song back in 88 when my son was born.
Brought back good memories but made me cry too....

Can't wait to find out what purpose this is all for me??????? What is the meaning of all this pain? to be strong? damn I am, but I'm tired now....
no energy..........Self Pity? or just the mourning of the lost?





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