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I posted a week or so ago about how I never see my boyfriend now that he moved to the same city. Lately, he has been making efforts here and there to see me more than before because his schoolwork lightened up for a week.

However, there are still the same patterns. I have been rejected sexually three times in one week (I ask him or try to initiate and he is too tired.) When we do see each other, its for 2-3 hours before he passes out. (He is in med school and I am in grad school). Now, we are different in that he needs sleep to function MUCH more than I do-at least 7 hours a night- and I can go for a week on 5 a night. He also takes much longer to do his schoolwork than I do/studies at a slower rate than me. So, he has less time to give to me on a typical day vs. what I have. Its not fun sometimes but theres not much to do about that one.

I took the advice from my last thread and have been giving him space. I have a very busy life and am very occupied socially, but he is my top priority (after school of course). I consider myself a pretty independent person- I moved to the city by myself, I have lots of friends. However, I do not feel that I am his top priority. I feel that I constantly compete with a bunch of other priorities he has. He puts MUCH more time and discipline in his schooling than I do (and he has to, I understand that). I commend him for that, and try to support him. He also prioritizes his religion and family over me often. I am not close to my family and am not very religious, so I do not have those priorities to put ahead of him.

Now, before I make myself sound completely selfish/needy, let me say that its not that I dont feel important to him or that I want to be put ahead of all of this. I love all of his values and respect everything that is important to him. Rather, I just feel that I am CONSTANTLY available for him, but hes not for me. Whenever he wants to see me, Im usually available at some point in the day (and I have a larger libido than him so I'm ready for that all the time). But for me, it just seems that he always cuts out time short for some other reason. I just can't help thinking "must be nice for him!" Im always there- and in a way, I feel like I have to be, because when would we get quality time in?

For ex: His friends were visiting recently, so I went out with my girlfriend because a) i wanted to and b) I thought he should be with his guys without me tagging along. However, we had planned to meet up at the end of the night because he was going to stay over and my friend wanted to go home early. He DID call, but in the course of the night he ended up traveling 60 blocks downtown instead of being 2 blocks away from me (we coincidentally were going out in the same area- totally unplanned by us- which is why we planned to meet up). So when he does call, hes not nearby but miles away. Therefore, since he was so far downtown, it ruined our plans to meet up. Of course hes not going to NOT go with his friends because of me- its not about that. I just feel like he should have called before heading down to let me know- I could have gone with him for a bit or made other plans.

This is the most recent thing that happened. Other things are more general like sexual rejection and coming over for an hour before wanting to sleep (I know, I know, at least he comes...I try to remember that). It doesnt sound like a big deal at all, but I guess I am getting frustrated over feeling "needy" and always being there for him when hes not for me. I have tried giving him space. Ive kept busy and I do NOT sit at home and wait around for him. Ive left him be the one to make plans with me. But what can i do to not feel like my availability and eagerness to be with him is not being reciprocated? I feel like you should sacrifice/make bigger efforts to be with your loved one instead of just whats convenient for you.

We've talked about it and it hasn't done much good. I have complimented his efforts to be with me and I do appreciate them. But I told him that I feel like he has a lot of choices and that he does not choose me a lot of the time when Im always there for him. He sees it as him NOT having choices and its just what his life demands of him, and he can't do anything about it. When I tell him that I am going to give him space, he says "do what you have to do." It doesnt seem to phase him much.

I am not sure how to feel about this- sometimes I feel like I am completely overreacting and being insecure, but am I, if I am continuously feeling disappointed/resentful? I just sort of feel depressed a lot. When he does give me his time and attention, I am blown away by how much I love him. Its been almost 2 years, we were long distance all last year and I think we are getting used to being in the same city and spreading our time out. Sometimes I wonder if I had expectations of just seeing each other constantly since now we live close. However, what can I do to get past feeling less important/unequal? Hes even agreed that he has a lot of priorities and was silent when I said that I dont feel like I'm prioritized to him like he is to me. I turned down spending time with him today, but I can't help wondering if I can generally "give him space" - how does that happen? When would i see him in that case?





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