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Relationship Health Message Board


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Alright here's the story. My boyfriend knew this girl in the coffee shop. According to him nothing happened. They had lunch a few times and swapped lessons. He wants to learn Japanese and she wants to learn English. We live in Japan - so this girl is japanese and she works in this coffee shop. Anyways, they had lunch a few times and had some lessons or whatever. He did this before me and him hooked up.

This japanese girl is attractive. Ok this may offend some people but I find threesomes appealing. I mean 2 women and 1 man. My boyfriend does too. We talk about it but we never actually did it because a) Id be jealous like crazy. My guy understands and he is totally cool with it. There were times when I brought up that this japanese girl is quite attractive and I wouldnt mind hooking up with her. LOL. She is attractive, it just bothers me that her and my guy are friendly and all that.

Me and my boyfriend... well our relationship is not like most people. Wont explain further but, if I ask him something - he will give me an honest answer. Vice Versa. To get to the point, I know my boyfriend finds this girl attractive. He also admitted that "yes she is attractive enough for me to f***" - i asked him if he would bang her and stuff. I was asking only because the whole threesome idea was getting me excited.

Im having a really difficult time explaining all this. But basically, Im jealous of this japanese girl. Im a very confident girl and myself image is great. Im not trying to be a jerk but I know that Im better looking than this girl but I still cant help it! I dont freak out and scream or anything but i do tell my man that "babe, Iam jealous and I cant help it" - I say it in a calm fashion. And he reassures me that its all okay. I really do believe him but I cant help getting jealous when a) I KNOW he finds her attractive b) when i KNOW HE WOULD f*** her if he was not with me c) when I know he wouldnt mind at all if she was in our little threesome.

This threesome thing is irrelevant to this whole thing. My boyfriend is not crazy about it - he really respects my feelings and all that. I must admit - I bring it up most of the time. My guy admits that he finds this girl attractive and yes he would get physical with her if he wasnt with me. He also says that he doesnt want to have anything to do with her because he loves me and he doesnt want to lose me over her. The guy is being honest and Im cool with what he says. Like I said, we are brutally honest with each other. I mean lets face it, alot of couples ask their partners questions - and when their partner gives them a truthful answer they get pist. A classic one is "honey am i fat?" if the guy says "no" to avoid hurting her feelings, its typical for the girl to say "you're lying" but if he says "yeah honey, you are fat" - She is not gonna be thrilled.

My boyfriend and I give each other REALLY honest answers. I ask him and he tells me and it works. I dont know why and how but it really really works.

The problem started today - I went to the doctor's and he did his own thing. Anyways he goes to that coffee shop and I think he looks for her. I dont know what happened exactly but he found out it was her birthday. So he went to the flower shop and got her a small bundle of daisies or something like that. He told me this straight up when I came over. He says it was her birthday and he got her daisies. I dont find it suspicious because my guy is that type of person. I mean when he knows someone or when he is friends to them or when they are good acquaintances etc he is really nice and gives them stuff. I mean my guy is really nice, he is really thoughtful so I didnt jump down his throat for getting HER flowers. But I did get pist. I couldnt help it. I DO UNDERSTAND why he did it but I still got pist. I dont have the right to say who he can and cannot be friends with. - DOING THAT WILL definitely ruin a relationship. I just cant help getting jealous!!! i mean I KNOW HE FINDS her attractive. I know he would bang her if he was single. And giving her flowers was more than I could bear. Wait, lets get this clear - she was not there. He found out it was birthday, bought them daisies and just left it to one of the workers for her to find or whatever.

Sorry I need to vent - I cried! God its pissing me off that IM GETTING THIS JEALOUS. I dont mean to be OVERLY confident or arrogant but I know Im way better looking that this chick. I know my guy loves me. I know he wants me - but i still cant help it. OR Is THAT THE PROBLEM??? I dont know those things. Im just telling myself that I DO KNOW.

my bf did say that he was sorry that I was upset and feeling this way but he does not regret giving her flowers or whatever. What do i do???? this is really confusing!!!!!!! im soo lost - i feel both stupid and dumb. Please ladies, help me out. I know they are good acquaintances and there is nothing wrong with gettin that person something for their birthday - but ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! what can i say??!!! its driving me F***ing crazy!!!

what to do?!





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