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Hi GE, thank you so much for your very sweet comments on Red's thread. It really means a lot to me to hear that coming from you, whose attitude toward dating and confidence I truly admire, and it totally made my day. I needed to hear something nice now (I've been really sick for a week on top of my chronic pain problem) and I honestly can't thank you enough for being such a kind and caring aunt :). As far as Raj, would you mind filling us in on exactly what his email said? I think that would help us give you the best possible guidance. My personal opinion was that he needed to step up and demonstrate that he respected you as a potential girlfriend and not merely someone to hook up with, and I was very disappointed that he didn't do that last night. I've also not been too pleased to hear the crude things he said in some of his messages to you, but it's your opinion that ultimately matters. What do your instincts tell you--do you think he's trying to make nice with you so you guys can get back to sleeping together or does he honestly realize that his behavior toward you was rude and demeaning and genuinely feel contrite and express his apologies? If he doesn't see that he disrespected you and that you deserve a lot better than how he's treated you so far (by expecting you to sleep with him without making an effort to romance you, wine and dine you, get to know you, and show a genuine interest in your personality, not just your sexiness :D), then I don't think he's worth anymore of your time. It sounds like you realized after last night that you don't want a purely physical relationship with a man who treats his FWBs almost like hired help...now everyone has a right to a second chance, and men (and me) can act crazy and rude without meaning to when sports are on, but he has to see that he did something wrong. If not, I think you would be making a mistake not to protect yourself from getting more attached to him and risking being more hurt and disappointed if (and unfortunately, in all likelihood, it's not if but when) he continues to desire only a sexual relationship with you and demonstrates no interest in anything more.

I really admire you for being so honest with yourself about what you are and aren't looking for, and for recognizing that at least in this situation, you need an emotional connection and not just a physical one, no matter how tempting that might be due to your chemistry with Raj. My instincts tell me that for reasons that have nothing to do with you--he genuinely seems very into you and giving you all he's capable of giving--he either can't or won't get involved in an emotionally committed relationship. Now if he wrote to you saying he realizes he was a jerk last night and that you deserve a lot more, offering to try to build an actual relationship with you and forget about this FWB/purely physical arrangement, then I'd suggest that you consider giving him another chance and see if he lives up to his promises. But anything short of that, and I think you deserve a lot better...in addition, keep in mind that a lot of people will say just about anything to get back in bed with someone to whom they are strongly attracted, so no matter what he says or promises now, he needs to back it up with consistent actions from now on before you should take him at his word. But all in all, I'd very strongly caution you against getting involved with him again and suggest that you reread your posts about him, especially those you've written since you started sleeping together. You are such a smart, interesting, and beautiful woman with a great seduction technique, so you should never have to settle for a man who won't give you everything you want in a relationship. It makes me angry to think of how excited you were about things developing with Raj because he indicated that he'd be open to a serious relationship with the right person...so far (assuming the email doesn't contain evidence to the contrary) nothing he has said or done seems to support that claim. All along, you've seemed to view this as a potential relationship and looking forward to hopefully having things develop that way. So as someone who truly cares about your happiness and emotional well-being, I'm not a big fan of anyone who fails to live up to your expectations and who disappoints you, let alone someone who makes you feel used and disrespected by failing to even be polite and gracious about the fact that he's only out for sex. GE, you are awesome, and you deserve nothing less than everything you want...if Raj doesn't see that and realize how dumb he's been to risk losing his chance with you, then he isn't worth anymore of your time, because no matter how much chemistry you guys have, he isn't worth getting hurt or disrespected. I might be a little overprotective of you here, but I can't help caring deeply about what happens to you and want to protect you from ever being hurt if at all possible. Anyway, that's just my take, but I'm looking forward to hearing everyone else's thoughts, especially updates from you, Aunt GE :).





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