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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=greeneyes100]I just read your post, Sophia, about your date. I think if you feel like you could develop feelings for this man, maybe you should see him a few more times. You said you are attracted to him. Maybe he thinks you don't like him, and maybe you don't really like him that much. Men need feedback just as much as women. They don't want someone who is desperate, but they would like to be thrown a bone once in awhile! The trick is just not to give too much too soon.

I think, as far as this man, you are not quite sure whether you want to pursue something with him. From your posts, it doesn't sound like you feel a lot of chemistry with him intellectually, although you are attracted physically.

Only you know how you feel, but don't make any decisions out of desperation. There are plenty of other men out there who may be better suited for you. Just keep your options open until you know for sure how you feel.

As far as myself, I went out Friday night a little while. I layed around all day yesterday. I got a cold from Raj! He told me he was just getting over a cold, but that it wasn't contangious anymore. I'm already feeling better though. I had a sore throat Friday and yesterday and now it feels better, so I'm glad about that. I've been thinking about him off and on and I've been wondering if he has been thinking about me.

I think I'm in the right frame of mind to handle whatever becomes of our relationship. One thing I've really learned is that when I don't expect anything to happen, I never get disappointed and sometimes get pleasantly surprised. ;)[/QUOTE]

GE, I like him; I just wish he could be more mature and a bit more "suave." Then again, just because someone is socially sophisticated doesn't always translate to them being a good person at heart or interested in a committed relationship, etc. Some men just know the right things to say and do, but they do so only as "part of the game" because it can lead them somewhere with a woman. And some men just never mature, like my first ex-bf who is in his 40s and still acts like a frat boy. I don't think there are "plenty" of desirable men out there in terms of both attractiveness, good personality, admirable character, and some success career-wise. It is extremely hard to find, from my and my friends experience. Extremely. So if I think a guy has some potential, I don't want to give up too quickly. Just as long as he's not a jerk. Jerks can't really be "trained" to become decent guys; it's just who they are.

Sorry about your cold. Try to get some rest and drink lots of fluids and hot tea with lemon and honey (my favorite cold remedy!). Also taking large quantities of echinacea 4-5 times a day helps. I just got over a cold too and that's what helped me, I didn't even bother going to a doctor.
I haven't yet caught up on all the posts from today but wanted to ask you guys for some advice and then come back and respond (though from what I did see, I think you made the right move, GE, by calling Raj back...it takes a certain kind of woman to truly relish sex without necessarily feeling any emotional connection, and other women don't usually understand what that's like while all but the most confident and skilled male lovers are insecure and threatened at the idea of a woman so empowered and free when it comes to her sexuality; as a result, I sometimes get the impression people don't really believe that a woman can take the same approach to casual sex for purely physical pleasure as some men do, though I don't understand why that bothers many people so much).

Anyway, I have two questions for you, one along the same lines...I had a date last weekend with a cute guy, we hit it off, and I decided I didn't want the night to end after dinner and some bar-hopping, so I had him drive me home and seduced him. I was mainly after a night of pure fun, excitement, and pleasure, not really seeing anything else in the future because I'm not at all interested in a relationship at this point. I'm just not even remotely ready to stop dating a variety of different men and experiencing whatever I want to with whoever I want--for far too long I had to try and repress my desire for a number of different men being stuck in committed relationships, and I'm way too young to fall into that trap again. It's just not appealing right now. But it wasn't like I was taking advantage of the guy or anything, I just wasn't thinking (nor did I particularly care much) what happened after that night. He ended up being quite sweet though, and the physical part was really satisfying, actually a pleasant surprise though my expectations were fairly high. He was really concerned about getting me back to my car and all and made a point of calling later on in the day (of the same morning he left my house). We had a friendly, pleasant chat for 20 minutes or so, and I got the impression he was leaving the ball in my court as to whether or not to pursue anything further. But now I don't know how to proceed--I am shy about being the aggressor and avoid it like the plague, but I think I need to reach out and reassure this guy, who seems to be feeling a bit vulnerable. I'm absolutely terrified of calling people (and am even pretty anxious about calling people I know well who definitely want to hear from me), so while I know the phone is the best way to go, does anyone think I can get away with an email? I'd like to go out again, though I'm not absolutely dying to, but at the very least I'd like to thank him for taking good care of me and being so concerned about my well-being. So what do you guys think I should do? And if I do call or email, what do you think I should say? Should I actually suggest getting together again or just talk about something else and see what he says? I am so used to sitting back and letting the guys chase me that I'm pretty clueless when it comes to having to do any pursuing before I'm 100% sure the guy is totally into me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated...thanks in advance!

Oh, and one more thing...I got a new cellphone today, and while the guy who helped me was very helpful, almost fawning, I couldn't take my eyes off the other guy working there (my salesman's boss, I think). I'm really flirty naturally and couldn't help making eye contact and smiling...he seemed to return my interest, but I couldn't really be sure with such limited contact. I was kicking myself when I walked out of there for not doing something, even just asking my own salesman if the hot guy was single, but it's so not my style to approach a guy, much less ask him something suggestive or ask him out! :eek: Plus, I think the other salesman might have been offended if I made any move on his boss, both because he was trying to flirt with me and because we're both white and the hot guy is black. Well, that was the impression that I got, anyway (partially because of his attitude and partially because while I find black men much more attractive than white men on the whole and never had any issues dating them even though I come from a very privileged, predominantly WASPY enclave out east), now that I live in the midwest, people seem to be more homogenous, traditional, repressed, and uptight about interracial relationships. Anyway, I bring that up only because the salesman I had waiting on me is the only conduit I would have if I were to try and pursue the really hot guy. Normally I wouldn't even think of it, but he was just so sexy, it almost seems like it's worth a shot...I have my salesman's cell phone and email on his business card. Do you guys think it would be a good or bad idea to contact him? And if it'd be okay, what would I say? I was thinking I could ask if the other guy was single or else ask for his email, in which case I could email him the link to my online dating profile and let him see if he had any interest in getting to know me. Any ideas? I'm pretty tempted here to go outside my comfort zone, though I know the odds aren't good that he was interested in anything more than some flirting...I could really use your input guys! Thanks...I'll post back when I get through the other posts I've missed...:)





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