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We were living together for 2 years, were dating for 5 before that. Long time. I was very patient with his lack of commitment because I was still not divorced when we met, only separated. But then after a few years it became obvious to me that he liked his single lifestyle and just wanted a woman to cuddle to and go out with at his convenience. I was in love so I persisted, hoping he would one day propose. Of course it didn't happen and my frustration just grew and grew, resentment, anger, bitterness.

In 2003 I finally had it and decided to leave him. After 10 days he came looking for me and said we could live together. I was stupid enough not to notice at that time that he didn't say let's get married. I was so eager to be with him and thinking living together meant major commitment that I agreed.

After a month living together I told him we should be engaged. He relunctantly bought a ring that I chose over the internet, a diamond simulant because I knew he did not want to spend much money with that. He is a well off man, mind you! He gave me the ring and said we were engaged but he never asked me to marry him. Again it bothered me, but I thought it was implied we were going to get married.

We are both in our 40's and there is no reason to wait and wait.

We had many conflicts while living together. He never felt my home was his home. He didn't help with housework and he was tired of driving for hours to get to his business. But I told him I wanted to be married, that it was important to me. He relunctantly agreed. I set up a date and planned the whole thing. He never showed any interest. He never talked about the wedding. He never told anyone. I had all the signs but I attributed it to being a male, that men don't care for these things. I should have trusted my guts that he really really didn't want the wedding!

Well, one week before the party, which was going to be small, he walks out. With NO explanation. He disappears for days until I contact him for practical reasons (we owned the house together and other stuff).

He stays with his brother for one month in a rented apartment. His brother never tries to motivate him to come to me and talk or apologize. He seemed to like having his bro just for himself. He is a sore loser divorced man who hates women.

I never went through so much pain in my life. I can't eat for weeks (lost 12 lbs very quickly), can't sleep; the pain is unbearable. Some friends stand by me, my grown children, etc. I take an antidepressant that helps (Lexapro). I get a bit better each day but some days I relapse. I have to function to keep my job. I get scared with the lack of money I will have. One income 2 teenagers. First time in my life on my own. I feel pain, fear, rejection, humiliation, anger.

After his brother leaves to go back to his country, my ex-fiance starts feeling lonely and calls me and begs me to meet with him. We talk and he says how much he loves me and misses me and etc. My appetite comes back, and I feel relieved. The sense of rejeciton is smaller.

I restart my relationship with him even though most friends are appalled that I would take him back. Some even ditch me because of that (not real friends after all!).

I take him back but tell him I am not his GF anymore, that that belongs to the past, and that we had to get married. He tells me he wants to propose nicely and in a romantic way this time. I believe him.

Many opportunities go by: a trip to the Islands, my bday and our 7th dating anniversary (the day we met). No proposal. I start getting frustrated again.

He calls the place where our aborted wedding was going to be and finds out the new dates available until the end of this year (my condition). There are a few dates left, non ideal, but beggars can't be choosers.

That is the only initiative he takes, but continues to show little interest. His business endeavors occupy all his energy.

I am afraid of falling into the same trap again. What if he leaves again (he said he wouldn't, but what if his fear of marriage is so enormous)?

It's been 3 months after he left, and he still hasn't proposed like he said 2 months ago.

It is HELL to have a relationship with an ambivalent man. I did meet some other interesting men during my period alone but I am afraid they can be commitment phobics too. I am now paranoid. Some people go crazy if soemthing like that happens to them, I can't believe how resilient I am.





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