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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi Nini,

I'm a little worried about you...I don't mean to play devil's advocate, but have you thought about the possibility that seeing your ex again may have a negative impact on you? I'm concerned that you have ambitious hopes about seeing him and may be setting yourself up to be even more hurt and frustrated if it doesn't live up to your expectations, say if he doesn't show up or you don't get to actually talk with him or he totally blows you off in a dismissive and rude manner, which I wouldn't put past him. While I agree with the other advice you've received, I can't help but be a little worried that this has the potential to impact you in a way other than what you hope, given how fragile you still are about your ex. I know that the FFWB has let him know that you're still having a tough time letting go, but I'm concerned that he might blow you off, taking the view that your relationship is ancient history. It also sounds like you have a very vivid, painful memory of seeing him all snuggly with his smug elephant which was years ago if I recall correctly...have you considered the possibility that they might be affectionate and make you feel worse than ever about the situation? While I'd like to think I'm above acting this way, I've always made sure to be extra flirty and look extra sexy whenever there's a possibility of confronting one of my exes or one of my boyfriends' exes, even though there wasn't nearly as much emotion there as you feel toward your ex. I don't know, I definitely don't want to make you worry, but I am scared that you might end up either hurt even worse or very disappointed by the encounter, or the fact that you might not see him at all. Are you absolutely sure this is something that will have an overall positive effect on your life? Obviously you're the only one who can answer that, but I can't help but be worried for you and am desperately hoping things go well one way or another. I'd definitely suggest taking a date if you do go, but I'd also consider that going might not be in your best interest. It sounds like past encounters with him, even hearing about him or seeing his picture, have been pretty traumatic for you, and I'd hate to see that happen again. I know it's a tough situation, having had the choice myself whether or not to take advantage of an opportunity to meet a BF's ex and having been let down when she wasn't there and upset at being at the place where their relationship had started. So I don't know, I hope this isn't counter productive, but I do think it's important to prepare yourself for the possibility that the meeting might not be as satisfying as you hope and could end up inhibiting your quest to find closure...what do you think about that? The other thing I'd suggest is if you do go, I wouldn't give your ex the satisfaction of knowing that you're still hurt and bitter over him by confronting him about your feelings...personally, I think it'd be better for your pride to rise above it and politely ignore him, thus showing him and the elephant that you're no longer stuck on someone who doesn't deserve you. Just some thoughts...I do think that overall this presents an opportunity that might well be worth seizing, assuming that you've considered the potential downsides and concluded that the potential benefits of seeing your ex again outweigh them. I just can't help being worried about you and desperately wanting to save you any additional pain.





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