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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Hi Sexyeyes, I'm sorry you're hurting right now. I think your bf really cares for you and probably still loves you, but there are two significant obstacles in the way: 1)the distance and 2)his age. In a long distance relationship like that where people are in different countries, possibly different continents, for it to work out there has to be some consensus on the future. THere has to be some kind of a rough plan who will move where and when. Otherwise, it's just not very practical. People face different distractions, get preoccupied with their life locally, and, usually sooner or later, they meet someone who lives closer to them. That's just how things are, unless there are concrete plans for the future. Have you discussed anything like that with your boyfriend?

Unfortunately, Greeneyes has a point in that a 21-year-old man is very rarely ready for a long-term commitment. I'm sure he has genuine feelings for you, but he doesn't seem to be established in his job yet and he might just be too young at this point to be able to have you move over to his country and marry you in the near future. It is understandable that you would want more at 29 and are looking for a more substantial relationship. However, you don't want to live on false hopes, either. I think the best thing would be to openly bring up the issue with him. Tell him you never really wanted to break up but that you needed to know if there's any future for the two of you, realistically speaking and if it's plausible either for you to move to where he is or for him to move to your country within a specific time frame, let's say within a year. If not, there's really no point to prolong the suffering and continue the long distance relationship. It will hurt temporarily, but eventually you will be able to come to terms with it and look for someone closer to you. If he says it is realistic for you to be together and outlines a specific plan, then you can see if it makes sense and if you're willing to take a risk and wait. The first step is to have everything out in the open and discuss things honestly with your boyfriend. I hope this helps a little. Hang in there and don't lose hope that things will work themselves out for the best!

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