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Should i care?
Oct 10, 2005
My boyfriend turned 19 two days ago. On his 18th birthday his uncle, brother-in-law and best friend took him to a strip club, but that was before we were together. He got one lap dance but said he didn't get an erection until she was almost done, but I didn't know if that was true because before that, he told me he didn't get one at all because he was uncomfortable. Okay, so for his 19th birthday that just passed (it was his best friend's yesterday) they want to go to the strip club again. We've been together for 9 months and I trust him that he's not going to do anything, but it still seems to bother me in the back of my head for some reason. He said he's not going to get a lap dance this time, but they can touch the strippers, he said. He told me that she put his hands all over her when he went last year and that really bothers me. I don't want to talk to him about it, because I don't want to seem insecure like I'm worrying about it, because I feel like I should just be able to let it go. I guess the thought of the person I want to marry walking around looking at hot naked females bothers me. Why does he feel the need to go? Am I not enough for him or something? I KNOW without a doubt that he loves me and wants to be with me but i can't help feeling that way. I asked him why he wanted to go and he said there's no emotion in it, it's just a fun thing for him and his friend to do on a "special occasion". But I think it's kinda nasty.

So what should I do and does anyone have any good advice to boost my self-esteem? Do you think that's the problem? I don't usually feel this way, I just feel sorta threatened or something. And no, I don't think he's going to cheat on me, but I wonder if he might get a lap dance and not tell me. I haven't been in this situation before...

Re: Should i care?
Oct 10, 2005
A few years ago I never used to have a problem with my bf going to stripclubs. I've even went with him one time. I thought it was innocent enough. We were just watching the girls on the stage and I looked around and saw girls giving guys table dances. My bf didn't seem particularly excited about seeing naked girls.To me it was just like watching pretty girl on tv, it was a just a fantasy. So when my bf starting hanging out with some new guys who pretty much lived at the stipbar, I didn't really have a problem. He would go 2-4 days a week [around this time I was extremely busy with exams so I was glad that he had something to do].

We broke up for a bit and then got back together. During the break I started working at a strip club (as a waitress) for some extra fast cash [wow drunk horny men are awesome tippers!!].

Here's the kicker. It wasn't until I started working there that I actually learned what goes on in those types of bars. I witnessed first hand how dirty the girls can be with their customers and how dirty the customers would when they would be in the VIP area. I saw how much money these guys would blow on these girls. That really burned me bc I think they should be spending that money on their wife/gf/kids etc and not on a some naked girl who has absolutely no interest in them.

When my ex and I started dating again, he would come and visit me at work. It didn't bother me if he came and looked at the girls but if he were to ever get a lapdance I would completely freak out. There would be times when a friend would insist he get a lapdance, or a dancer would start shaking her "booms-booms" in his face and offering him a lapdance or the DJ/manager/bouncer (friends of friends) would offer him money to "tip" the dancer. Everytime that would happen I would give him the dirtiest look. He never did get a lapdance/"tip" the dancer bc he knew I would BLOW UP and for good reason. The thing is, once the DJs/dancers would find out that he was my bf they would apologize to me as if they've just disrespected me (I know dancers are just doing their job - nothing personal on their part).

Now that I know what those bars are all about (what REALLY happens), I would flip right out if he were to go there with his friends again. I know he wouldn't be as well behaved as he is when I am around (be it going to the club with him or while I was working there). I'm pretty sure your bf will be getting a lapdance and I have a pretty good feeling it will be anything but innocent looking.

Really the only reason my bf is not going to argue with me when I say I don't want him going to the stripclub is bc he knows I KNOW EXACTLY what goes on in there!

I don't blame you for being upset about this - it's a pretty legitimate reason for feeling the way you do (I'm sure many women feel the same way, myself included). I don't consider myself the jealous type either but I would be just as upset about this as you are right now. It has nothing to do with me being insecure that he's going to cheat on me (bc I know he wouldn't) or that I'm worried I'm not enough for him (bc I know I'm the cuter one :D )

I can't explain why I get so angry...maybe it the thought of having some girl bendover and squat her "koo-koo" right in my man's face and I know he's enjoying it (no matter what he says). Not to mention the money he would be blowing on her once he should have been spending it on me :D

Note: I don't work there anymore
Re: Should i care?
Oct 10, 2005
[QUOTE=GidgetPiecukoni]You know what I did the time my DH went to a strip club (when we just started dating)....I went to see Thunder from Down Under the same night. They are an all male strip group. My DH (BF at the time) has never been since! He felt so weird knowing that I was looking at other guys naked and he got all insecure about it. Get this...he said "I don't know why you feel the need to see other naked men when you are in a relationship with me. I feel like I've been cheated on mentally or something" lol. :)[/QUOTE]

HA!! I am laughing out loud right now!!!! What a smart maneuver! So simple, yet so effective!!! I LOVE IT!
Until it's done to them, they have no idea how we feel and we're the crazy ones in their mind. If my bf was going to a strip club, this is exactly what I would do. Teach him a lesson he will never forget! Let him feel that sickening twinge in his stomach when he envisions me dancing with strippers!

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