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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Lol Nini—what is it with these jerks insisting on buying you drinks?? How weird that you’ve attracted at least two of them already! Goody is right as are you about the guy from work, so please don’t give that another thought. Remember that the majority of the time when people act rude or ignorant toward you, it has little or nothing to do with you and is instead about their own frustration, anger, or insecurity. The happiest and most self-assured people know not to take it personally when they are treated poorly, because it happens to everyone and does no good to blame ourselves or wonder what we did to “deserve” such treatment, because in reality, no one ever deserves to be disrespected or made to feel bad. I’d love to see you start thinking that way and really truly believe that nothing you did, were, or lacked prompted your ex to be less loving and committed to you than he should have been…the way he acted toward you was all about him and his own issues at the time. Also, when a relationship doesn’t work out, in almost all cases, it’s because they just weren’t compatible in the long run, not because one or the other person involved didn’t deserve to be loved. And you of all people, who has experienced much more than her share of hardships, pain, rejection, and loneliness, yet possesses so much love, kindness, patience, understanding, and caring in her heart, is the last person I could ever imagine not deserving to be happy and loved. Goody gave you great advice, and I am so happy and excited to hear you agree that you will work on eliminating negativity from your life. Because you don’t ultimately have control over what you come into contact with, there is only so much negativity you can deliberately avoid, but when you can’t avoid negativity, you can take Goody’s advice and (force yourself if you have to at first, anything so that you) don’t blame yourself for other people’s negative attitudes and behaviors. Any time you can stop and think about why someone is acting rude or cruel or dismissive, I have faith that your amazing intuition and powers of perception will illuminate the real reason for their actions which has nothing at all to do with you. And anytime you can turn a negative into a positive, even in a small way, it is a victory to you and a kind, loving gesture toward yourself.

You have so much love to give, Nini, and while I agree with Ruth that turning some of it toward children in one way or another would probably make you very happy, I think you also need to give more of that love to yourself. Be your own best friend, your own biggest fan, and try to pay attention to your great qualities and give yourself the credit you deserve whenever possible. Please try to think what one of your friends here who loves you would say instead if you start to feel an impulse to criticize yourself or think anything negative about yourself…the more you can work on appreciating and loving yourself, the easier time you will have feeling more positive and happy. While I know that it’s not as simple as it sounds to say that you have to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you (in my view, it’s more accurate to say it’s necessary to love yourself so that other people will treat you lovingly and respectfully), it certainly doesn’t hurt, and the benefits of being kind, patient, and understanding with yourself are numerous and very powerful. Since you possess those three qualities in remarkable abundance and it’s always worthwhile to practice using them so you can bring more positivity into your life and keep your skills sharp…you never know when you’ll be happy you have them to direct at yourself when you need a good friend or when you might have occasion to shower love on a new friend or a particularly special guy who crosses your path . And for what it’s worth, I do think you should cut out anyone in your life who makes you feel bad/used/taken advantage of more often than they make you feel good about yourself…from everything you’ve shared, I definitely get the impression that your FFWB has a much more negative effect overall on your life than any positive impact he might have. Any and all negativity that you can eliminate from your life or turn around into something positive will benefit you in both the short and long runs, so please don’t underestimate the power of positive thinking (please forgive the cliché). Whenever you find yourself starting to submit to negativity, please take a second to pause and ask yourself what your healthboards buddies would tell you if we were lucky enough to be there with you in person, OK?

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